


Conflict of Interest

by Iszabeau_N



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: A Shift In Power, Abuse of Authority, Assault, Brotherly Bonding, Dawnguard DLC, Disappointment, Do Not Assume, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Fear of Discovery, First Love, Genocide, Hiding Your Feelings, If You Could Go Back, Infidelity, Interrogation, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Love Triangles, Men Crying, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Racism, Recreational Drug Use, Regret, Rejection, Tags May Change, The Truth Finally Comes Out, Treason, Vilkas is afraid to admit his feelings, Werewolf Transformation, What Must Be Done, keeping secrets, sexual curiosity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-10 14:38:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 38
Words: 73,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4395701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iszabeau_N/pseuds/Iszabeau_N
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His voice cracked, "Kodlak... when I was falling.  I thought that was it.  I thought I'd never see anyone, ever again.  The thought that no one would know.  Then to wake up to strangers.  At first I was terrified.  I feared over who had me, what they had planned.  But... but then I realized I was safe.  They saved me... she saved me."</p><p>Kodlak watched him speak, the expression on his face, the weight of his words.  When he'd come home, he was a man in mourning... not a man just thankful to be home.  He recognized the pain Vilkas wore when he walked in that door yesterday.  Any man that had ever loved and lost, wore the same mask.  For whatever reason, Vilkas felt he needed to conceal it.  He would trust it was for a good one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Precautions

**Author's Note:**

> 02/22/18 - I know it's been several months, and I apologize for making everyone wait. I'm working on the next one now, along with a few of my others. 
> 
> Although I've done a lot of editing, you may still find some mistakes here and there. But I do feel it's in much better shape than it was before. As I've said in my others, English is not my primary and I didn't get a ton of education in my home country, so I'm trying to correct my errors as I learn. Errors which mainly consist of punctuation. I appreciate your patience and for reading.
> 
> There will be a little divergence here and there as I fit this story into the mix of things, but I will make every attempt to stay true to lore, where I can of course. ***very important - this begins prior to Sarthaal's excavation*** The Companions quest line will not play a huge roll here. Some of the major events will be gone over, but their faction's history is hugely involved, along with their future. Of course, once readers realize all that this entails, it will become more clear. It will not revolve around the Dragonborn, but he will play a pretty important role in it.
> 
> The College of Winterhold quest line will be altered some. There will be some divergence regarding the Dawnguard stuff, which will take place later on in the story.  The story will mainly revolve around my main character, her plight and that of her people. The civil war will somewhat play a role, but will not take precedence. I will forewarn that my Dragonborn leans a little toward the Imperial side, but it's not entirely against Ulfric either. This will end a little different than most may. It is NOT pro-Thalmor. 
> 
> **Note, I don't own anything but my OCs.** On a personal note: For anyone that is huge into SKyrim, my partner and I have recently gotten into some classical music and discovered Brunuhville. I urge everyone that likes the background Skyrim music to listen to this. Wolfborn, Dance with Dragons and Rise of the Fallen. Just a few from them that remind me of the Companions and Skyrim all together. Fits perfectly! Like the music was written for the game.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Humming.... something was humming.
> 
> She stood still, feeling it in her feet. That was odd... she listened, it was constant. Moving again slowly, the closer she got the louder it was until she felt it all through her body. Vibrating her teeth and making her feet feel itchy where they touched the stone floor.
> 
> She leaned against the door and laid her ear to it...

***

"We received a letter from the Aldmeri Dominion today, it was informing us that they intend to send one of their wizards here." 

Savos and Mirabelle both looked at her with concern. "He could be with us for quite some time. The letter tries to make it sound like he's simply to be a guest here to build relations between the college and the Dominion, but we know that's not true." 

She stayed silent for a moment, looking between them. "Why should I care about the Dominion?"

Savos looked down, rubbing his hand over his beard in frustration. "If they find out who you are, we could all be at risk. The whole town could be. I don't know if you actually realize the power they hold." 

Putting her hands on his shoulders, "I promise I will take every precaution. You are all like family to me, and Soriba's son is here as well. You cannot expect me to stay away for who knows how long. I also have trade with the townsfolk. Dagur and Nelacar are expecting items. I will see you next month, Savos. Please try not to worry."

She embraced both of them and turned, walking out of the Arch-mage's quarters.

***

Looking around to make sure that no one else would see, Ja'Sinir quickly kissed his mother's furry cheek. He would never live it down if even one of his fellow classmates saw the exchange.

"Mother will see you soon hmm?" she purred, nuzzling him.

"Ma Ma! Someone will see! Ugh!" 

Soriba smiled to herself. Leaving her young one was easier knowing she only had to wait several weeks before seeing him again.

She walked outside, taking note of the Sun's place in the sky. They would be able to make it home before sunset.

They met at the gate leading down to the town. Soriba shivered in the frigid air. Kahjiit hated the cold. Soahni nudged her companion's shoulder, "We will be home soon, it'll be nice to relax. I wonder if Fa'sien made us the soup he promised?" 

She was looking forward to it, Soriba's mate could cook like no other! Chicken soup with grains, vegetables and fresh herbs. His secret ingredient was the juice from a fruit they had brought with them from Elsewyre. No one in Winterhold had ever seen anything like it before and swore that none in all of Skyrim had either.

It was bright yellow and oval in shape. Her first Nahneh had gotten her used to it when she was just a tiny thing. Now she couldn't have her morning tea without it. By itself, it was the most tart thing she had ever tasted. The Kahjiit family had brought many seeds with them when they traveled here. It was one of their best trading items with Winterhold, and many at the college now longed for them as well. A perfect addition to the frosting on the sweet rolls.

"The soup will be waiting for us, and then a hot bath after. This one can't wait. The conditions at that college! Miracle they're not all dead from the cold!" she hissed!

They took the path that led past the Sarthaal ruins and veered right. Sarthaal's main entrance was barely visible under the deep snow and that was a good thing. _Their_ door was hidden in the rocks alongside the mountain.

Soahni brought flame up in her hand and heated the round piece of stone so the ice would melt and fall away. After just a moment she could push it in, then stood back waiting for the angular stone slab to lower into the ground, giving them access to the tunnel.

Next trip they would need to take the cart and maybe Fa'sien to help them up the steep path with it. She lit the torch on the wall as they entered and pulled the lever raising the door back into place. They had to be careful of who may be nearby when they came and went as there were only a select few at the college who knew exactly where they lived, including Savos and Mirabelle, and she trusted them to keep their secret safe. 

All of the Scholars knew, but the rest of the college did not. It was the same with the Nords in the town. There were only a handful that knew, and it needed to stay that way! There would be an uprising if the Nords, as a people, found out.

Lighting torches as they walked through the twists and turns they finally reached the massive main room. Normally bright with sunlight bouncing from mirror to mirror lighting it up, it was growing dark outside so Fa'sien or one of the others had lit some of the braziers, leaving it comfortably dim.

Stomachs growling and mouths watering from the smell of his soup, they separated to get cleaned up for dinner. Soahni walked into her bedroom. Well, not really a bedroom, just another section the ancient Nords had carved into a space for whatever they had done here, she had no idea. It had been her bedroom since she could remember and that's all that mattered.

Pulling off her wet robes, hanging them on a rack by the fire pit in the floor to dry, she changed into her night robe and flopped onto the bed. After dinner they would go to the warm springs and soak. Smiling as the vision she loved seeing Soriba all wet, she liked to tease her.

The cold didn't bother her, it didn't bother the Nords either. But her Kahjiit family hated it, she knew they stayed in this frozen land because of her. Constantly she had been told not to feel bad. They loved her, entire generations of the Kidavi family had been dedicated to her since arriving here. Many of them had been students at the college over the years as well.

Her mind wandered back to her Nahneh, she missed her so. 

Relaxing, she listened to the fire crackle in the floor. Her eyes growing heavy, as she remembered running barefoot through the tunnels. Playing hide and seek with Amir and Moar, twin cubs. She was the best at hiding, she could hear their claws on the stone no matter how quiet they tried to be. Moar was done counting and yelled out, 'Ready or not here I come.' She put her hand up over her mouth, muffling a giggle.

She could hear him heading in her direction, he knew all the close by places. She also knew he would tease her endlessly if he found her! She paused to listen, trying to hear over her excited heartbeat. Right then feeling a draft blow over her feet, she moved closer to the wall.

It was covered over with moss and vines, feeling along the wall where the breeze was coming out she tugged as quietly as possible, breaking them away. There was a door here, it had been almost completely grown over. She wondered if Nahneh and Sinnir knew about this! 

She looked around, there had to be a way in. Way up high was a lever, she jumped trying to grab it. After two more tries she was clinging to it, her feet dangling above the floor. Swinging back and forth, she heard a loud creaking sound ring out! 'Yes!' 

No longer worried about the cubs finding her, the only thing on her mind was getting to see what was beyond the door. Her smile running ear to ear, 'Just wait till I show them! I bet its something great! A hidden secret!'

The lever moved a little more, bits of stone and dust rained down onto her head. Putting her feet against the wall she pulled with everything she had. When the lever was down as far as it would go she dropped to the floor and stepped back. Slowly the great stone slab lowered into the floor of the tunnel. It was so dark inside she couldn't see anything.

Raising the orb of light in her tiny hand, she released it to float overhead. Slowly she crept forward, it looked like another tunnel. Pieces of the ceiling had fallen in and there were roots and vines on the floor and walls. This had definitely been closed off for a long time, she needed to be careful.

It went a long way, up and down and turning. Finally up ahead, she could see what looked like another door. A lever on the side, but this one looked to be in much better condition than the one had in the main tunnel. 

Humming.... something was humming. 

She stood still, feeling it in her feet. That was odd... she listened, it was constant. Moving again slowly, the closer she got the louder it was, until she felt it all through her body. Vibrating her teeth and making her feet feel itchy where they touched the stone floor. She leaned against the door and laid her ear to it... 

'Soahni!' 

She screamed and jumped back away from the door as if burned! Her heart thumping in her chest, turning she saw Nahneh running towards her, Amir and Moar behind her. 'How did you get in here! Nahneh doesn't want you playing here! Its dangerous!' The cubs peered at her from behind their mother's back.

Her pale blue eyes looked up, 'I'm sorry Nahneh I found a door and thought it would be a good place to hide...' grabbing her hand the Kahjiit had looked at the door, fear in her eyes. 'Its late, let's go... time to get cleaned up for bed.'

She looked behind her, staring at the door, feeling the vibration and humming sound fade the farther away they got. Nahneh raised the lever closing the door once they were back in the main tunnel ways.

Amir, eyeing his mother who was up ahead of them to make sure she didn't hear, leaned close to her and whispered, 'We found the tunnel and saw you, kept trying to get you to turn around, but you didn't hear. Sorry.'

Nahneh walked her into her room, just before the curtain fell over the opening, Moar poked his head in. 'By the way, your it! Goodnight.' He grinned cheekily and stuck out his tongue at her. She laughed, she would get them tomorrow.

Nahneh got her changed and washed her face, then her feet, in that order. 'Soahni, promise Nahneh you won't play down there again. There are bad things in this land... this one couldn't bear to lose you.' 

She had promised. 

Tucked in with the candlelight glowing on the stone walls of her room, she couldn't stop thinking about the noise and the vibration, how it had made her feel. Like she was somewhere far, far away and it was pulling her in. Turning over, she stared at the carved stone wall and thought about what Nahneh had said, and after awhile she drifted off...

Crouched down behind a clay jar that was so big, she and the cubs could've all fit inside, she watched it.

It couldn't see her where she was. The vibration in the massive room, making the dust and pebbles move and dance along the stone floor. It didn't seem to care about the giant blue ball floating and turning endlessly behind it. _That_ she knew now, was what was making all the noise. She could feel the power coming off from it in waves.

Her foot was going to sleep and she shifted slightly to take the weight off of it, her elbow bumped the jar knocking the lid askew. It hit the ground, shattering. She froze... 'Oh Au-riel, what have I done!' 

Afraid to breath, painfully slow, she peeked around the jar. It couldn't have heard! The big ball was making so much noise, there was no way it would have heard!

She watched horrified, as the great horned helmet slowly turned. Warmth suddenly spread through her bottoms, running in little streams down her legs, pooling around the ball and toes of her feet. She couldn't turn away... she couldn't move! 

Cold glowing eyes burned through her... the mouth on it's grey, cracked face opened. A sound like thunder split through the air...

HE'S COMING!


	2. Keep It Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Promise me that you will never open it."
> 
> Soriba didn't question her request, just nodded and pulled at her arm. "Come, this one needs a drink now."
> 
> Soahni grinned, "Definitely." 
> 
> Turning to follow she gave a quick glance back at the door... _Yes_ she thought, 'Best to leave the dead be.'

*********

Her eyes shot open! Pulse racing, completely covered in sweat, she swallowed and looked around.

Afraid to breath... laying stock still, her ears strained to hear the slightest noise! After a few minutes she realized that she was still on her bed. Taking in a slow deep breath, she sat up.

Soriba peeked around the curtain covering her doorway, "Hey sleepy head, aren't you hungry? Come... the soup is waiting." 

Not wanting to be alone just yet she jumped up, "Soriba, wait!"

The Kahjiit paused for a moment, Soahni came up beside her grasping hold of her hand. Feeling the warm fur soothed her. 

Giving her a questioning glance, not minding the contact, but wondering what troubled her. They were close like family and Soriba often joked with her that she was the only hairless Kahjiit she had ever met. Soahni would smile like she was proud and say, 'I'm a new breed' like it was some great secret. That would get everyone laughing.

They walked to the kitchen hand in hand, _Everything would be alright._ She just needed food, drink and a warm bath. The perfect medicine.

Her belly filled with two helpings of soup, they grabbed a bottle of Alto wine, two cups and headed for the springs. Soriba could feel that something was wrong but stayed silent. Walking through the tunnels Soahni suddenly stopped, turning toward the tunnel wall she raised another candlelight spell from her hand.

As the ball of light floated overhead, she felt around through the vines until she found the lever. Quickly she pulled her hand back and stared silently at the door.

Soriba watched her. Over the years she had noticed that every time they walked to the springs Soahni would either speed up or pause, at this juncture in the tunnel. "What is it ?" 

She had a far away look in her eyes, and after a moment she turned to her. "Have you or Fa'sien, ever noticed this door or opened it?" 

Soriba only shook her head. "This one knows better... it is best to leave the dead be."

Soahni breathed a sigh of relief, "Promise me, that you will never open it." 

Soriba didn't question her request, just nodded and pulled at her arm. "Come, this one needs a drink now."

Soahni grinned. "Definitely."

Turning to follow she gave a quick glance back at the door... _Yes_ she thought, 'Best to leave the dead be.'

********

The time sped by.

Busy with planting, harvesting and her alchemy. The giant main room of the section they lived in, had a small stream and good rich soil on the ground. Just enough light that Sinnir, her adopted father was able to capture the natural sunlight pouring in from the crevice above, and direct it using mirrors to light up the entire area.

Knowing how scarce vegetation was here, he and the other males in their family had built greenhouses for the items needing more warmth. That seemed forever ago now. Herself and the remaining members of her Kahjiit family kept things up and made changes here and there as they were necessary. 

Dagur, the owner of the Inn wanted Fa'Sien's fruit and other produce that he could prepare meals with. And Nelacar wanted Alchemy ingredients that were hard to come by in the area. Once harvest came she would mix the potions that she herself wanted, and then would take the whole ingredients themselves to the town and the college.

Some items she just couldn't get. Like the spider eggs and briar heart that Nelacar often wanted. She had no need for poison, and any potion the briar heart was needed for she would simply have to do without. Telling him, "I'm not risking my life for either one of them, you'll just have to find someone else Nelacar. The college always seems to have them, so someone is either really brave, just plain lucky or really stupid. Perhaps all three."

She didn't have much need for gold, as over the years they had found numerous hidden areas in the ruins overflowing with jewels, gold and Nordic antiquities. Not to mention what they themselves had accumulated. They traded the items the people of Wintherhold wanted for flour, milk and butter.

They had their own chickens and so had no need for meat and eggs, and living so near the water also gave them constant access to fish. Mostly the College just wanted for produce and alchemy agents.

"Are you two almost ready?" Fa'Sien called out, tapping his foot impatiently. Soahni and Soriba hustled to the exit tunnel where he waited with the full cart. He hadn't seen Ja'Sinir in over two months, "The sun is almost up we need to get going."

Getting to town didn't take that long, it was waiting for everyone to get to the Inn, and then get their items so she could get theirs in return. Then there was catching up on all the local gossip. Usually by the time they were ready to head up to the college dinnertime was approaching.

A soon as they walked into the Inn, the tension in the air hit them full force. Cautiously she looked around, seeing no strangers she felt it safe to lower her hood. Shockingly enough, it looked like everyone she needed to deal with was already there, including the guards posted to the town.

Every person there was crowded up at the bar, huddled in what appeared to be a very serious conversation. Normally at this hour, people would have been having their morning drinks and eating breakfast, it was usually a friendly and welcoming atmosphere.

Looking at one another in question, they headed in.

Soriba and Fa'Sien took a seat near the fire as she walked over to the bar. As she approached a few heads turned slightly. People cleared their throats and straightened back up from the huddle they had been in.

Dagur forced his face into a tight smile, "Morning Soahni." 

She smiled lightly, "Morning..." Glancing around at the people standing there, "So... Uh... who died?"

Mouths dropped and looks were exchanged, Dagur looked shocked "No one, wha- what do you mean?" He looked nervously around. Having had enough she huffed out a breath forcefully, "Alright, spill it! What in Au-riel's name is the matter with everyone!"

Everyone at the bar looked at her.

One of the guards turning, everyone watching and listening, "Thalmor wizard arrived two days ago, whole towns in an uproar!" 

The other guard crossed his arms defensively, "Godsdamned Bastard came to the Inn as soon as he got into town, spouting orders, treating everyone like dogs!"

Her face fell, a ball of stress growing in her stomach, _How could she have forgotten about this?_

Nelacar moved closer to her a sick look on his face, "He actually threatened me... wanted to know what I was doing living here, instead of aligning myself with the Dominion! Called me a traitor! Said I was a disappointment to my race!"

She was surrounded now.

Dagur's wife Haran stepped directly in front of her, cutting off Nelacar from her field of view. "Haughty Elf! Wouldn't even sit on the furniture! Acted like it was diseased! Said there was no way, he was going to stay in this animals den!" her eyes were huge, she was shaking in anger.

One of the guards cut in again, "After he was done insulting everyone here he stormed out, headed up to the college! Hate to think what those poor sods are going through."

Haran looked at the guard, "Fine with me! Didn't want that asshole touching my furniture anyway!"

Soriba and Fa'Sien were now standing in the group, listening and watching her, growing looks of concern on their faces.

Dagur looked at her, "Soahni... We've... we've all been talking... and thinking." He looked at his wife and then back to her, all eyes were on her now. "Maybe it's not a good idea for you to go up to the college right now, I know you can do what you want but... maybe you should wait for things to calm down before you go." 

The more he talked the more sick she felt.

"You could leave the stock for the college here with me and Nelacar could take it to them..." 

Nelacar looked at him in shock, "No way Dagur!" shaking his head wide eyed! "I'm not going near the college now!"

Soriba suddenly spoke up, her ears tilted back, a look of disgust on her face! "Ja'sinir is there, and this one will not be chased off by some uppity blowhard! Soahni will keep her hood on and stay out of his way, and it will be fine!" Crossing her arms, her fur bristled.

Fa'Sien rubbed her shoulder, calming her. "Soriba is right, this is what the Thalmor want! They want us all to fear them, but we will not! This is our home." Brief looks of shame crossed faces and things seemed to settle down a little.

Deciding to get their business taken care of, they went out to the front porch and unloaded the cart. The faster this went the better, she couldn't stand the uncomfortable silence. Everyone got the items they were waiting for and Dagur agreed, like always to hold her things there till their visit at the college was done. She would come for it once they headed for home.

Saying brief goodbyes, they headed out.

Soriba stood next to her and took her hand. "It's going to be alright Soahni, we will be careful. You'll see..." Sounding like she was trying to convince herself as well.

They stepped out into the street and started up towards the college.

_If it's going to be alright why do I feel like I'm about to lose everything_


	3. Forced Farewells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He let out a long sigh, "This will have to be your last visit until he has left."
> 
> Her face crumbled, it felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest. She stared at the table, afraid to look at him for fear of completely falling apart.

*******

"This is how you would treat a guest!" Ancano looked at the Arch-mage like he had just sprouted a third eye.

"Were you not informed of my arrival!" turning his head to glare at Mirabelle, his voice growing louder with each word.

"Are you incapable of providing accommodations suitable for more than an animal!" Ancano was so enraged, Savos almost expected him to start jumping up and down.

With straight faces, they stood quietly and listened to him rant.

Only when he was momentarily silent, Savos cleared his throat, "Perhaps you could be a little more condescending Ancano, I'm not too good with subtlety." 

Mirabelle instantly turned her head, covering her mouth with her hand, attempting to hide her smirk.

Savos just folded his arms and watched as Ancano's expression turned completely venomous, glaring at both of them with narrowed eyes and hands fisted up! Without another sound he turned on his heels and walked briskly out of Savos' quarters.

"Are you sure that was wise Savos?" No matter how amusing it was, the look on Ancano's face had sent shivers up her spine.

"If we don't stand up to him now, he will be running the college in no time!"

She knew he was right, they had to stand up to him now. Prior to his arrival they had called not only a staff meeting, but also one with the students. It was of the utmost importance that everyone there understood the gravity of the situation.

The Thalmor was nothing more than a spy for the Dominion, and it was in everyone's best interest to keep quiet when around him, as he would try to use anything he could against them. Savos had also discreetly warned against any open conversation on Talos worship, or the wearing of his amulets. 

He literally feared for them all.

***********

Ancano stood in his quarters, holding his fingers to his temples... eyes closed... attempting to calm himself. He would have a letter sent to the Embassy first thing tomorrow, with a description of this despicable treatment! He had been there two days, and each day he had spoken to that poor excuse of an Arch-mage in an attempt to improve his living quarters. And each day he was given worthless excuses as to why he couldn't be moved. 

Today had been the last straw.

Opening his eyes, he turned to look at a crate. The only thing in this wretched room that he could use to write on! Just looking at it refueled his rage! _He would not tolerate this! How dare they!_ Grabbing a bottle of wine and a goblet, he left the room. He would write his letter in the Arcanium.

*******

Casting an invisibility spell, followed by her muffle spell, Soahni climbed the steps to the Arch-mage's quarters. Soriba and Fa'Sien were in the Hall of Attainment visiting with Ja'sinir, no doubt getting the lowdown on the situation. They were worried, she didn't blame them. She needed to meet with Savos, she had to find out about this Thalmor and what kind of danger the college was really in. 

She already knew that his arrival alone would change Winterhold forever. Nords tended to hold onto things for a long time, and this was one of those things.

Once at the top of the steps, she stopped and peeked around the corner. He was sitting in his chair reading, not hearing or seeing anyone else, she let the spell drop.

"Ahem..."

Startled, he bolted up in her direction, then upon seeing her he relaxed and slumped back into his chair.

"Sorry..." looking apologetic, taking the seat opposite him, he didn't look happy to see her at all.

"You have absolutely no idea what is going on here do you!" he snapped! Stress and irritation apparent not only in his tone, but on his grey face.

"I... uh... I was made aware in town, when I went into the Inn this morning."

He looked at her with raised eyebrows, "And yet you still thought it wise to come?" folding his arms.

Feeling like a child being lectured by an angry parent, she tried in vain to hide her hurt feelings. "Fa'Sien and Soriba wanted to see their son Savos..." his look of irritation only increased.

"Then they should have come alone!"

She recoiled from his words as though she'd been slapped!

Savos knew he'd hurt her, but continued on... this had to be said! "I know this is hard for you Soahni, it won't be easy for the rest of us either. You are like family to most everyone here, but the college is under enough stress right now with the Dominion breathing down our necks!"

He lowered his voice and leaned in closer to her. "You could be in real danger, we all could if he finds out. The Thalmor are very dangerous!"

He let out a long sigh, "This will have to be your last visit until he has left." 

Her face crumbled, it felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest. She stared at the table, afraid to look at him for fear of completely falling apart.

Reaching out, he placed a hand on hers, "I won't ask you to leave right now Soahni, but your visit needs to be brief and you need to stay out of his sight!"

He gently squeezed her hand, "The safety of this college and it's students has to come first... you know that I'm right."

Nodding silently, she pulled her hand out from underneath his and stood up.

She could barely speak, tears already spilling down her cheeks. "Give me... a little time... to say... my farewells... and then... I will leave." 

He stood and pulled her into an embrace. Burying her face in his shoulder, a sob ripped from her throat. Savos held her tightly while she cried.

His voice cracking, "Maybe he won't be here that long... I am so, so very sorry Soahni."

She thought of everyone there and how dear they were to her, she would go see Urag first. Not only had he been a mentor to her, but also a close friend. Yes... she had to talk to him, he would ease her mind.

Wiping her sleeve across her wet face, she headed to the Arcanium.

********

Finishing his letter, he nursed his second goblet of wine. Knowing the letter wouldn't change anything, he would send it anyway... if only to complain about being stuck here.

From where he was seated, he could see most of the seats in the Arcanium and yet still be fairly concealed. After awhile he realized that no one seemed to even be aware of his presence, he decided to relax with his wine and see what he could learn.

The students and scholars mostly sat together near the Orc's desk, so they could chat. Having had familiarized himself with all inhabitants upon his arrival, he took mental note of who was in the room.

There were two female Altmer there, Nirya and Faralda. But they would never sit together. He'd already noticed that not only were they ridiculously competitive, but that they hated each other in the extreme. Sitting on opposite sides of the room, they would periodically look up from their books or papers to glare at one another.

Then there was the small female Dunmer... Brelyna, who for a descendant of Telvanni had absolutely no faith in her own abilities, and what seemed to be a serious lack of self esteem. As usual, she was seated with the young Nord male Onmund, and a Kahjiit male Ja'Zargo, who was infuriatingly over self confident. Other than the fact that the Nord was simply glad to be there, he still had yet to learn anymore about him.

He had seen the other young Kahjiit in the Hall of Attainment on his way here. He was evidently visiting with what seemed to be family, and all of the other Scholars and staff were in the Hall of Countenance.

It was very important for him to know the whereabouts of as many as possible, if he was going to keep track of the going's on here!

Taking a sip of wine, he glanced up. Someone he didn't recognize had evidently entered while he was distracted, and was now sitting with the Orc at his desk.

His curiosity peaked.

They spoke in hushed tones, in what appeared to be a very personal conversation.

Whomever it was, had the build of a small female. She wore Master robes and knee high fur boots, her hood covering most of her face. So far just from a glimpse here and there as she turned her head speaking, she was extremely pale.

As their conversation seemed to be coming to a close, the newcomer embraced the Orc and seemed to be wiping tears from her face. He watched more intently as she walked closer and sat down with Nirya. Much to his shock, Faralda saw the newcomer and actually walked over and sat down with them.

The other students noticed her, giving her a brief glance, then continued on with their conversation.

Seated too far away to hear much, he could only understand a word here and there. Frustrated that he couldn't hear their conversation, he wanted to at least get a better look at the mysterious guest. Her hood was infuriatingly low on her face to see anything above her nose, hopefully she would look up at one of the other females while they talked.

It only took a few moments to realize, that they were all upset over something she was telling them. They were now holding each others hands, tears running down their faces.

This was getting more and more interesting by the second... he quietly took another sip of wine.

Faralda raised her voice, and he heard something about Savos evidently making somebody leave? Or that someone wasn't welcome? Shooting Faralda a dirty look and shushing her, Nirya glanced nervously around.

Probably looking for him. 

Laughing inwardly at the thought... _If they only knew._

Just then, she looked up... their eyes meeting. Her face instantly froze!

His breath caught in his throat.

She had seen him!

Quickly looking down, she tugged at Nirya's hand and briefly cast her eyes in his direction.

Instantly, they pulled their hands away from each other, stiffened in their seats and stopped talking.

Like nothing had happened, he took another sip of his wine, quietly got up and walked out.

Soahni put her face in her hands. "What have I done..."

Both touching her shoulders reassuringly, Nirya leaned in. "Don't fret, he doesn't know anything, we will send letters for you to the Inn. Dagur will hold them for you."

"Thank you... both of you. I will look forward to it."

Trying to be as hopeful as possible, she hugged them both. "Please be careful."

********

Leaning against the cold stone, completely hidden from the doors.

He waited...


	4. Shouldn't Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ripping her hood down, his amber eyes glared down at her! Painfully gripping her jaw in his free hand!
> 
> She wanted to plead with him, but the only thing she could get out was a whimper. 
> 
> "Quiet!" he spat! Slowly he turned her head from side to side, inspecting her. A horribly curious look on his face... tightening his grip, he lowered his face into hers. Feeling his hot breath in her face, her guts churned!
> 
> "Well, well... what do we have here!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **this takes place prior to Sarthaal excavation** 
> 
> ***I am a huge fan of Kahjiit, but find it incredibly hard to write a lot of dialogue for them, please be forgiving. I tried..."

********

Leaving the Arcanium was one of the hardest things she'd had to do in a long time. So many thoughts swirled in her mind. Her head was killing her, her stomach was in knots. Knowing she had some very hard decisions to make, she headed out.

She had to get to the Hall of Attainment and let them know that she was leaving early, she would go home alone so they could stay and visit. There was no reason for them to leave their son so soon after just arriving.

Walking out into the darkness of the courtyard, she stood for a moment just breathing in the cold air, trying to relax. Before a sound could even leave her throat, a gloved hand covered her mouth! Strong arms wrapped around her with crushing force! 

She was being hauled around the corner. She panicked! He was squeezing the air out of her! Kicking her legs, struggling to breathe, she twisted her head and finding purchase with her teeth, bit down as hard as she could on his finger! Her sharp teeth cutting through the leather of the glove. Tasting his blood flow, her stomach clenched up!

"You Rotten Bitch!" he growled, ripping his hand away from her mouth!

Slamming her back into cold stone, his voice dripping venom! A hand hovered in front of her face, blue lightning crackling around it! "You will remain still! Are we clear!"

One hand fisting the front of her robes, he lifted her up off the ground. Suspended against the wall, her feet dangled beneath her. The hit had knocked the wind out of her lungs. She struggled to suck in air, light headed, feeling like she might vomit, she swallowed thickly. Clutching at the front of his robes... if she could just hold onto something, it would take some of the horrible pressure off her midsection. It was evident he didn't care.

Ripping her hood down, his amber eyes glared down at her! Painfully gripping her jaw in his free hand! 

She wanted to plead with him, but the only thing she could get out was a whimper. 

"Quiet!" he spat! Slowly he turned her head from side to side, inspecting her. A horribly curious look on his face... tightening his grip, he lowered his face down into hers. Feeling his hot breath in her face, her guts churned! "Well, well... what do we have here! Who are you!" the fist holding her up, shaking her! Lightning flowed from his other hand, ready. "You will answer!" 

Vomit spewed out of her mouth, covering the lower portion of his face, splattering down his neck and the front of his robes! He shrieked, instantly dropping her and backing away! His face twisted into a look of disgust, and she swore she heard him hissing at her! He was clawing at his face in attempt to get it off... steam rising up off from him.

Scrambling to get to her feet, she ran.

********

Furiously attempting to get the vile mess off of him, he knelt down on his hands and knees grabbing up handfuls of snow, rubbing it on his face and neck while trying not to vomit himself! He looked up to see her running full force, out of the main gates down the pathway to town. Thinking seriously of following her footprints, it was pitch black out. He reeked and his robes were all but ruined. Getting as much of it off as he could, he got up, again looking in the direction she had gone.

The best thing to do was head back to his room. He had to know who she was... what she was! She was definitely someone of importance. Why else would she and the rest of them take such precautions? 

At least he knew that she was Mer, but what kind? He had never seen any Mer that looked as she did, and he'd seen his fair share of half-breeds, it just didn't fit. Pure white skin, like that of milk... sky blue eyes, eyelashes and eyebrows white... hair as white as the snow... 

Snow.

He stopped dead in his tracks as the realization hit him!

"Oh Auriel!" he said aloud! 'It can't be! There was no way! No one alive had ever seen one! Not unchanged by their slavery from the Dwemer anyway.'

He was walking again. 'Why would the college hide a Falmer? And did the town know? And if they did... why would Nords hide a Falmer? It didn't make any sense... none at all!' The importance of this was astronomical! The impact that this could have on the rest of Skyrim? On the War? 

"Hmmm..." He had to think.

He knew he wouldn't get any information out of anyone directly. He had to be careful with the methods he used while here, at least until the Thalmor had the upper hand. For the time being, he could still be answerable to the Empire... for the time being.

He would clean up, change his robes and think on what his next move would be.

*********

Crying while she ran, tears freezing on her face, she couldn't get in fast enough!

'How could this be happening?'

Finally getting the door open, she ran directly to the warm springs, stripped and jumped in. She cried until she was dry, until she didn't think she had another drop of fluid left in her.

This was a disaster! It was worse than a disaster. She had put everyone in danger, everyone and everything was gone. She couldn't risk them being hurt, she had to leave, but to where?? Where was safe??

She was angry. She wished Nahneh and Sinnir had never found her! Nahneh should have just let her die, she should have left her to the fates! Maybe she should have been taken by the Dwemer and ended up like her natural parents... maybe that's what should've happened to her! Instead of everyone she's ever known and loved, sacrificing any kind of life and their families and their safety to hide something, that should never be!!

The realization of it all... watching everyone that she had loved, that had done so much for her, grow old and die while she stayed the same. How many generations had she buried in this wretched tomb of a home, that she was forced to hide in! There was a reason why her kind had suffered the fate they had! She shouldn't even be alive!

She knew she didn't have it in her to take her own life... NO! If she was to live, no one else would suffer for it! She would go anywhere she had to, to free them of this curse she had laid upon them with her continued existence!

The only thing she felt now, was crippling sadness... loneliness... 'Is this what she was saved for?'

When she could no longer think, she fell asleep. Her head resting on the rocks at the edge of the pool.

Waking from the nightmare, and realizing she was still in the water... she was a prune. She couldn't believe she'd fallen asleep here. Exhausted and thirsty, she climbed out, leaving her filthy robes and walked naked to her room. 

She was sure they hadn't gotten back yet. In fact, they may not even know that she had left yet. It was still night from the look of the main room. She grabbed a cup and filled it with water, trying to sip, instead of guzzling and completely failing. She changed into a night dress and fell onto her bed, clutching at her stomach until the cramps left her.

She wanted to sleep but was afraid the dream would come again. She hadn't had it in years, until just a few weeks ago after finding out about the Thalmor. She wondered, why now? What did it mean? Her head hurt too bad to think, pulling the covers up around her, she finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

*********

They'd stayed the night. Sleeping in cots pulled into their son's room, like usual. It wasn't like Soahni to just stay away from the Hall completely, but with everything going on they didn't pry. They normally would sleep in his room and usually Nirya or Faralda would have a cot in one of their rooms for Soahni. While they were located in the Hall of Countenance, they never saw each other around evening anyway. 'She would come to them when she wanted to leave.' 

It was early morning. Having breakfast with Ja'Sinir, waiting for Soahni to show up, she was later than normal. The young Nord student Onmund walked up very close to where they sat and dropped a piece of parchment on the table, glancing at them all and nodding his head briefly, he walked away. Ja looked at him funny, picking it up. Opening it, his eyes widened! "Ma Ma, look at this!" he whispered, looking around nervously. "Quickly!" 

Instead, his father grabbed it, looking up at Soriba. "Soahni's gone!"

She took it from him, they were all huddled in their chairs now, inspecting the note. It was written in Nirya's hand from what Ja could see, there was evidently a reason why she hadn't felt it safe to deliver it in person. This wasn't good, not good at all. They had to act as normal as possible, no one had seen the Thalmor in the Hall yet this morning, but that didn't mean anything. He could be slinking around anywhere!

Ja'Sinir understood, they needed to cut the visit short. It was best with all the tension there right now anyway. They didn't want any ties linking them to Soahni that the Thalmor could trace. It was the only way to keep their son safe so he could continue to study here.

Saying their goodbyes to Ja, they took their leave. Most of the walk home was in silence, lost in thoughts both were afraid to voice.

Walking into the main room, the cart was no where to be seen. 'Of course', he thought 'The cart would've been too hard for her to bring down alone.' 

Fa'Sien looked around, 'None of their supplies were here that Dagur had held for them either.' It was probably too late when she left, no doubt upset as well. They could get them tomorrow, they wanted to make sure she was okay. Quietly they walked to her room.

His two brothers and a sister were away visiting friends and other relatives, so they were the only ones here. But at this time of day Soahni should've been up and about. It was deathly quiet, too quiet to be daytime. Moving her curtain aside just enough to peek in, she was still in bed.

Laying on her side, facing away from the doorway. "She must still be asleep." Soriba whispered. "Don't you think we should wake her" he was concerned. "No! let her sleep... she's been through enough! She will get up when she's ready." 

Pale blue eyes stared at the stone wall, she listened as the curtain slid back into place. Hearing them walk away, knowing she would have to tell them what she had planned... she just wasn't ready.

********

Vilkas looked at Skjor with a raised eyebrow... looking over the job he'd been given. "You're kidding me, right!" 

Sighing, Skjor knew he wouldn't be happy about it, but it had to be done. "Everyone else is out on a job already..." the older Nord raising his hands in attempt to make his point. 

_"And I just got back from a two week jaunt in Markarth!"_ Vilkas raised his voice. 

"It's good money Vilkas, we can't just turn it down." Skjor, evidently no longer willing to discuss the issue, simply turned his back on the irritated twin and walked away. 

Vilkas, knowing it would do no good to argue over it, glared daggers into his retreating back!

Wanting to rest, he'd just gotten back from the job in Markarth the day before. He was tired, and he wanted to be left alone! To have just a few days to do what he wanted, without being hounded about something. He was glad everyone else was gone! He was looking forward to some peace and quiet.

It was ridiculous! Traipsing off to Winterhold of all the Gods forsaken places, to find a blasted sword that had been stolen from some wealthy family of all things! 'He swore this whole place was losing it's grip! If they were that wealthy, why not just have another made! What was so special about an Iron sword!' 

He went into his room to pack, thankful he'd already had his armor cleaned. His sword he'd tended to as soon as he'd returned. 'Winterhold! Gods, how he hated that place, nothing but frozen tundra... that damned college... and now the Stormcloaks making everything even more complicated with this ridiculous civil war.' 

The more he thought on it the more angry he became. This should have been his brother's job, but he was off with the Dovahkiin in Solitude doing something for that Bard's college there. They'd been gone a couple of weeks as well, due to be back in the next day or two.

This would be at least a two week job, just taking into consideration how far away it was. Getting there, locating the stolen weapon, dealing with the assholes that had taken it, then getting back! At least on jobs like this one, he usually found some spoils, after he'd dispatched of the criminals. That would make it all the more worth it.

Looking in the mirror, he applied his signature black war paint. Bear grease with black currant mixed in. A bitch to get off, but it protected his eyes from the glare of the sun off the snow. And for those that lacked some balls and backbone, it put the fear of the Gods into them. More than one had fled from him pissin in their breech.

Adorned in Wolf armor, broadsword on his back... he climbed into the carriage. Setting his bedroll and knapsack down as they rolled out of Whiterun, he wanted this to be over already. When he returned he wouldn't be available for at least a few days! He would demand it. 

********

They had gone to the warm springs to bathe after checking in on her, Soriba noticed her discarded robes and boots... picking them up, grimacing at the smell. She turned to Fa'Sien, who was soaking. "Soahni got sick in these." Dropping them, wondering what could have made her sick... Soahni didn't get sick. Climbing into the pool with her husband, thinking about it... never had she seen her sick. They could wash the robes out later. 

She was more concerned with finding out what had happened at the college. He could see the concern on her face, he felt the same. "This one will make her some of that soup she likes, maybe it will cheer her up." 

She nodded, good idea.

She could smell the soup from her room, her stomach growling, she needed to get up and at least try to deal with the situation. Laying in bed wasn't going to solve anything... Sitting up, legs crossed, hands in her lap. Fa'Sien and Soriba called to her from the other side of the curtain. "Are you awake?" 

"Come in, I'm awake." They both entered, Fa'Sien carrying a tray with a bowl of soup, a piece of bread and some wine. Sitting it down beside her on the bed, Soriba pulled up chairs for them to sit down. They could both feel the tension coming off of her, her eyes and nose were raw from tears. 

Soriba reached a hand out to her, instantly she grasped it, and the tears started flowing. Looking down into her lap, she told them of her talk with Savos, having to say goodbye to everyone. Then she told them of the attack.

"I think he knows! How could he not?" She looked up at them, "I can't ask anymore from you." 

Their mouths dropped, looking at each other and then back to her. "You have to know how sick it makes me feel that you've all given so much for all these years, and for what? Look at what this has and could still cost everyone here! Just being what I am, the fact that you have all stayed with me, and kept me safe. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it! I have to leave! I have to go away, anywhere where no one else will be effected by this!

Fa'Sien stood up, panic on his face, his hands out! "No, no... you don't understand... Soahni! This one has been with you since born, my parents, our families... all buried here! Everything Nahneh and Sinnir did to hide you, they were right! You could be the only one left. What if you are the last of your kind?" 

Wracked by the anguish of it all, she sobbed! She didn't know what was right anymore, "What if I wasn't supposed to be saved Fa'Sien. What if I'm not supposed to be..." Soriba, tears streaming down her fur, moved the tray and sat next to her, holding her.

He was getting angry now, "Listen to Fa'sien! They saved you so you wouldn't suffer the same horrible fate, the rest of the Falmer have suffered! They saw that doing it was right! The people of this town and that college have kept the secret hidden, kept you safe, perhaps because they know that what happened to your kind was wrong!"

He took her other hand, "Wrongs were done on both sides Soahni! Does that justify another horrible wrong to be done to an entire race! You need to go on! What our past generations have done for you, was the right thing."

All of them holding hands now, "We will think... we will think and then make a decision. But we stay together!"

*********


	5. Wolf At My Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daylight, he was sliding... thrusting his broadsword into the ice to slow his momentum, he held on! His body turned on the ice, facing them as they charged... a massive clawed hand slamming into his chest!
> 
> Instantly, he was airborne... then falling. Time seemed to slow down. Looking up at them, he could still see the handle of his broadsword. 
> 
> His whole body felt wet... darkness surrounded him.

********

His whole body was stiff, standing up in the back of the carriage, stretching. He climbed down, frowning at all of the snow. It was almost dark and it was freezing.

After days of being jostled about in the back of that damned carriage, he was due a bed and a decent meal. Climbing up the steps, he stood on the front porch to the Inn, quietly surveying the small town before he entered. The street was deserted save for two Stormcloak guards that were on patrol, that was it. The guard were Winterhold guard, but where they were, also meant knowing where their allegiance lay.

Nothing had changed since the last time he was here.

Walking in, the warmth of the fire felt good. Taking a quick glance around and seeing only the owner, his wife and the resident Altmer, he approached the bar.

Dagur greeted him, "Hale Companion." 

"A room and meal, Dagur." The owner nodding at him. Going to his room, Dagur brought in a bowl of stew, some bread and two bottles of mead behind him, setting it on the small table.

Kicking off his boots, "Anything new happen lately, Dagur?" trying to make conversation. Dagur's face went pale, he stopped...

Vilkas watched the man, confused with his reaction... raising his eyebrows. "Dagur, you okay?"

Finally the man snapped out of it, "Uh... Nothing! Not really I guess. Thalmor Wizard came in to town a little over a week ago, everyone's been upset ever since." 

"Thalmor..." shocked, "What's a Thalmor doing here?" 

"Evidently he's an adviser up to the college. No one's happy about it. Especially the college."

"Huh, I can understand that, Whiterun's fared pretty well so far. Wish you all luck Dagur. Hope he's only here for a short time." With that, the owner left him to his meal shutting the door behind him. 

Taking off his armor, wearing a heavy woolen tunic and breeches, he sat down putting his stocking clad feet on the bed across from him. Grabbing the bowl of stew, he settled in to eat... thinking about what he needed to do tomorrow.

The area the bandits had been spotted in, was down by the Sarthaal ruin. He knew exactly where the pathway was. As a boy he had been curious about the place, he'd done a lot of reading on it. The battle between his ancestors and the Snow Elves. How Ysgramor had later returned with the five hundred, after the elves had slaughtered his people in the night.

Now a member of the Companions himself, he and his brother... and still carrying out the search for the remaining pieces of Ysgramor's great battleaxe, Wuuthrad. It had carried a special enchantment that made it especially deadly to all Mer. Ysgramor's son Yngol, had forged the weapon, it's name meaning, 'Storm's Tears' in the Atmoran tongue. He'd gifted it to his father. The axe was later enchanted by Ahzidal, one of the most powerful human enchanters since the Merethic Era.

Although _now_ what the Companion's stood for, was very different than when the faction was first started. No longer an army battling Elves, now they would help wherever and whoever was in need... for the right amount of coin of course. He harbored no hatred or ill will toward Elven kind, they even had an Elf among their number now. He knew that over the years wrongs had been done on all sides.

The races that now flocked to Skyrim were just trying to get by, and find some kind of life away from the tyranny of war. He could respect that. Hatred of one because of their race was wrong. Truth be told, from reading all he had... wrongs had been done on both sides from the start. It simply escalated out of control, bad decisions were made. Even though proven in his studies, stating it would probably cause some fights. Nords were passionate about their beliefs, he was no different.

This civil war Skyrim was now in was a prime example of that. There were many that wouldn't agree with him on that one either, but... to each his own.

Finishing the stew and the bread, he opened a bottle of mead. Taking another drink, there were a couple of caves he would have to check tomorrow. More than likely that's where they were holed up. There had been numerous problems with bandits and necromancers in that area by the ruins.

Though the college would deny it, once in awhile a student that didn't work out, perhaps kicked out for dabbling in things they shouldn't, would take up residence in one of the dug outs or caves. Either alone or with some followers, and nab a traveler here and there for a sacrifice, and for coin and supplies. They'd been called to Winterhold several times just in the last six months to handle such kinds.

They were never called directly to the college to handle anything, and that was fine with him. The college tended to handle their own affairs... until now maybe. 

Opening the second bottle of mead. The Companions had made every effort to remain neutral during political troubles. Their newest member however, seemed to have little choice. Though he still tried to keep the Companions out of it, Kodlak had respect for the Nord and so did he.

Finishing his mead, he stretched out on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Hopefully he would be able to get a little sleep.

*********

Managing to get a few hours, at least it was better than most nights. His armor on, quickly eating some breakfast, he headed out. Going up the path to the ruin, at least it was clear and sunny. The weather out here was incredibly unpredictable, too close to the sea.

There were two well known cave systems, and at least two other smaller caves in the area that he knew of. And there were footprints everywhere. 'Great.' 

He'd start with the closest. It was located on a cliff overlooking Sarthaal's entrance below, he could see it, still buried. Just a tiny bit of the door was visible. 

Both new and old prints littering the entrance, he slowed... edging as close to the cliff wall as possible. 

Drawing his broadsword, he crouched next to the opening and looked in. It was dark, he would have to go slow and quiet. His eyes adjusted fast, it was times like these that he was thankful for the beast blood. Silently, he moved forward. For all the footprints, there was no noise... no activity and no torches. The farther in he got, the darker it was. It didn't feel right.

The smell hit him too late!

By the time his brain registered what it was, they were on him! Frost trolls, three of them. Turning to run, he had to get out, he couldn't fight all three! Running toward the entrance, they were practically on his heels. He could see the entrance just ahead, he had to get a foot hold, the cliff edge was right there! 

Daylight. He was sliding, thrusting his broadsword into the ice to slow his momentum, he held on! His body turned on the ice, facing them as they charged... a massive clawed hand slamming into his chest! 

Instantly, he was airborne... then falling. Time seemed to slow down. Looking up at them, he could still see the handle of his broadsword. 

His whole body felt wet... darkness surrounded him.

********

Fa'Sien and Soriba had gone to retrieve the cart from Dagur with their supplies. It'd been a week since the ordeal at the college, he'd begged Soahni to come with them. She needed to get outside, get some light and fresh air. She just couldn't, not yet. 

Everything was still too fresh, the whole town felt she was a threat. Not directly, but what would happen if the Thalmor happened to be in town? She couldn't risk it.

While they were away, she'd started preparations for tonight's dinner. 

In the kitchen, she could hear yelling coming from the tunnels. 

Trying to keep panic from rising, she ran to the main room. Fa'Sien was wheeling the cart in, legs and arms hung out from the sides. Soriba, out of breath! "A Nord! Soahni, he's bleeding everywhere!" Her eyes were huge, taking up most of her face! There wasn't enough light in the room for her to see him well, "Take him into my room! I'll need hot water and rags!"

After laying extra furs on her bed, it took all three of them lifting to get him up onto it. Raising a candlelight spell, she inspected his chest first, not being able to see much through the ruined chest plate. He'd lost a lot of blood and he was ice cold. Knowing she would have to heal him before he died, she focused.

All eyes watched him as her hands slowly hovered over his chest. The warm light radiating from her hands, swirled over his body. After a few minutes, the blood flow had stopped and his color was a tiny bit better. He still looked to be in pretty bad shape, but they would know more once his armor was off. If there were other injuries, she needed to know right away.

Fa'Sien hurried, laying out strips of cloth and a bucket of hot water. Soriba helping her with the ties to his armor, her hands trembled. They were all pretty well shaken up. "We found him, laying in the snow. A lot of blood around him, we're lucky he wasn't found by an animal." 

Fa'Sien cut in, "It looks like he'd fallen from the cliff above the main door." Pointing to his head, "There was some blood under his head as well Soahni."

Fa'Sien worked on getting his boots and gauntlets off. Looking at them, "Let me know when all of it is off, I'll clean it and keep it aside for him. No doubt he'll want it when he's well enough to go." He didn't mention the obvious, it was already on all of their minds. 

No one had ever been inside the ruin that wasn't affiliated with their family. It seemed that the God's... or fate? Whatever it was, wanted their secret to be known.

He went to the kitchen, they would all be needing some wine.

Pulling out her dagger, Soriba began cutting his tunic and breeches off. Glancing up at Soahni, she grinned, her normally pale cheeks were now warm with color. She'd never seen a male Human or Mer naked. She'd grown up around multiple Khajiit, she knew what they looked like. 

Cutting off everything, her eyes darting to his crotch... her face and ears reddened even further. Soriba could tell she was trying to focus on taking care of him, that was the main thing.

He would probably be in their care for quite some time. It would be interesting, to say the least. She sighed, 'Lots of changes happening all at once.'

Soahni felt along his scalp, he had some small lacerations. Nothing severe, even the most minor head wounds tended to bleed bad, making them seem worse than they actually were. All of his bleeding had stopped though. Now they focused on washing him and wrapping his chest. Even with her healing, he would probably bear the scars for life. Multiple, deep jagged cuts ran across his chest in a diagonal pattern... he was lucky to be alive.

They had all noticed the wolf head on the chest piece and belt of his armor, funny... she'd never seen anything like that before. But then again, she had never been out of Winterhold before either, so... 

His chest was wrapped, she would eat and then heal him again in a few hours. His pulse was even and his color looked better, she covered up his lower half with a large fur. 

Looking down at him, her fingers moving an ebony lock of hair away from his freshly washed face. "He's beautiful... isn't he." 

Soriba just watched her, smiling...


	6. Curiosity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She'd never seen a Nord with such dark hair, she lowered her hand to his face. Grazing her fingers across the stubble, such a dark beard he would have if he didn't shave. Bringing them further, to his lips. Full, strong lips... gently, touching the pad of her index finger lightly across his lower lip. Trying to imagine what it would be like to be kissed by him.
> 
> Lowering her gaze to his body... so well muscled, so big. He had hair, everywhere... especially down there. She had never seen a man naked before. Everything in her wanted to lift the fur and look at it again. She'd had to make herself stop looking, while getting him cleaned and bandaged. But now... now there was no reason not to look...

********

Sitting in the chair next to him, she had eaten her stew, watching him the entire time. She was already prepared to sleep on the floor, a pallet of furs lay in front of the fire pit. She couldn't leave him. Setting down her goblet, she got up and stood next to the bed. 

He was so breathtaking, so powerful... and right now, so peaceful. She was curious, she had to look at him, touch him. She felt funny, like she was taking advantage. Making the excuse that he was unconscious, he would never know...

Lightly, she ran her fingers through his thick black hair. Au-riel... he was so beautiful. Playing with his hair, she could just stand here and stare at him forever. His skin color wasn't much different than a lot of other Nords she'd seen, but his hair. 

She'd never seen a Nord with such dark hair, she lowered her hand to his face. Grazing her fingers across the stubble, such a dark beard he would have if he didn't shave. Bringing them further, to his lips. Full, strong lips... gently, touching the pad of her index finger lightly across his lower lip. Trying to imagine what it would be like to be kissed by him.

Lowering her gaze to his body, so well muscled... so big. He had hair, everywhere, especially down there. She had never seen a man naked before. Everything in her wanted to lift the fur and look at it again. She'd had to make herself stop looking while getting him cleaned and bandaged. But now, now there was no reason not to look...

He wouldn't know... and besides, she would be helping him recover after all. She would have to be well acquainted with his parts, so she didn't blush and act like a little girl every time he was exposed. Which now, she hoped was often.

Taking a deep breath, very slowly she lifted the fur from the side and laid it back. Just looking at it made her feel funny, like electricity was shooting through her and all of it was pooling up into her belly. Her eyes huge, as she leaned her head down closer, inspecting it. Now that he was warmer, it was a little bigger. Hmm... that was interesting.

Cocking her head, she wondered why the skin here was darker than anywhere else. Every few seconds, for fear of being caught, she would venture a glance up to his eyes. Just to make sure he wasn't awake! She was sure she would die if that happened.

She absolutely had to touch it! She'd never felt like this before, not even the first time she'd been kissed. Just looking at his body, made her feel the need to squeeze her legs together. Looking down at it, taking one finger... she lightly grazed it across the length.

"Ahh" she sucked in a breath, putting her hand to her mouth! Quickly, looking up at his face. It had moved! Just a tiny bit, but it had moved! She got her face closer, the top part... the end, was funny looking. Like it was hidden in skin. 

Taking her hand away from her mouth, she had to see the rest of it... taking both hands. 

"Soahni..." 

She squealed! Jumping back away from him, Soriba stood in her doorway, a huge smile was covering her face, and she was trying so hard not to laugh. Soahni's eyes seemed to take up her entire face, and she was red... everywhere!

She stood there frozen, as Soriba came in. Quietly, she closed the curtain and raised up a hand to Soahni's arm, "Its okay Soahni, this one knew you would be curious" she lowered her voice, if Fa'Sien knew he would be furious, so they would have to be quick. 

"Look, Soriba will show you a few things, alright? Answer some of your questions..." Almost instantly, Soahni looked relieved. 

Nahneh had told her the basics when she was a young Mer, but that was only after she'd accidentally walked in on her and Sinnir. Even then, she'd only gotten quick little glances of Khajiit males. After all, she'd grown up around them, swam and bathed with them when they were little. 

Nahneh had no knowledge of male Mer, or Humans for that matter. And therefore couldn't tell her much about them. Not knowing what the future would hold for her, she probably figured what she'd told her would be enough. Keeping her safe had been more important.

Walking to the other side of the bed, Soahni instantly went back to where she'd been. She had such a serious look on her face, it was amusing to watch. They'd always been like sisters or friends, but right now she almost felt like a mother to her.

"What is this here, " she pointed at the skin covering up the end of his length. 

"Okay, Soriba will point and speak. You do any touching, or Fa'Sien would be upset, alright..." Soahni nodded.

"Alright, take your fingers and gently push that back... that is the foreskin. It covers the head of his manhood. Some Nords don't have this".

Soahni straightened up, looking at her with eyebrows raised. "Why do some have it, but others don't? Are they born different?"

Looking back down at it, her eyes even bigger now, "Do Mer have this around theirs too?" 

Glancing at his face, lowering her voice. "Shhh... Just push it back, Soriba will explain all that once we're done and he's covered back up." 

Nodding, her face was now a deep red, and sweat had actually broken out on her forehead. "Its okay... just gently." 

She picked it up, it was so soft. Oh so gently, she pushed it back. Her eyes widened, the skin here was a different shade too! Touching it with her fingertip, it was baby soft. She was in complete awe! It was starting to grow! Panicked, she dropped it! Letting it fall back onto his groin, into its evidently normal position. 

Soriba was laughing quietly now, "It's okay, it's okay... the more you touch it, the more stimulated it will get." 

Looking up at his face, she tried to get her breathing under control. "Just... just one more thing." 

She stepped closer, looking below his manhood. She looked up at Soriba, "I don't understand why everything is darker down here... it's so interesting." 

Very lightly, she touched the wrinkled sack of skin. Watching in amazement as is seemed to contract, staring at it completely mesmerized as it moved. Just then, he swallowed... a low noise coming from his throat. 

Stepping back away from him, his eyes were still closed. Soriba covered him, "Heal him some more, then we should sit and talk. We both need some wine." 

Running her hands over his wounds, the healing light flowed all around him. He continued to sleep. 

Wine in hand, they sat on her pallet by the fire pit. Thinking about what Soriba had said, she looked at her skeptically, "How is it that you know about human males?" 

Letting out a sigh, the Khajiit's green eyes stared into the fire through the metal grating. "Soriba was with a Nord before meeting Fa'sien..." 

Soahni's eyes got huge, her hands flying up to her mouth. "Really!! You have to tell me! Soriba, please!" 

She could tell Soriba was thinking about what to say, she glanced up at the Nord. He was sleeping soundly, and she had potions at the ready. Knowing as soon as he woke, she would have to get some broth into him. She felt a little guilty about her inspection of him, she wouldn't invade his privacy again. Still... it felt better to know.

She turned back to Soriba, she'd been watching her. Her face was a complete mix of emotions, taking another drink, she began. "The first one Soriba loved was a Nord, he was also my first. All are born with that skin around the head, except Khajiit. You have only seen Khajiit, that is why you've never seen it. Soriba doesn't know about the Argonian's."

"Some Nord parents have it removed right after birth, the Nord Soriba was with had it. He explained that some have it removed to make keeping it clean easier." Soahni's eye's were huge, as she hung on Soriba's every word. "He also said that most Imperials will have had it removed as well as Mer. For some reason it is just some of the Nords that keep it."

Soahni was deep in thought, glancing at the Nord, then back to her. "What is it like... I mean, the first time. Nahneh told me the important things... um, you know... how things work, where they go. And of course I've read things, but never about that... how it feels." Color rising back into her face and ears.

Setting down her goblet, Soriba leaned back into the wall. "The first time is painful, not excruciating mind you, but very uncomfortable. If he is a good man, and if he cares about how you feel... he will take his time. Regardless Soahni, the first time hurts. After that, it is very nice."

Thinking about what she said, her mind kept going to the Nord, wondering what it would be like with him. Soahni took a drink, then setting down her wine, she hugged her knees into her chest. Color was flooding her face again, "I never told you..." Her smile was huge, she hid her face for a second, then looked back up at Soriba.

"I was kissed once..." She giggled, her face hurting from smiling so much. 

"It was Nelacar..." Soriba's hand flew to her mouth, her eyes huge. "What! Soahni... why didn't you tell us. Why-" 

She held her hand up, stopping her. "You were both at the college visiting with Ja'Sinir, he was supposed to show me a new spell, so I went back to town. He'd evidently gotten too far in his cups and was feeling pretty good when I got there." 

She would never forget how he'd kissed her, "We were in his room talking, and he pulled me onto his lap."

She was getting red just thinking about it, how he'd pulled her onto him. How his tongue had felt... how he'd grabbed her hips, grinding into her. How she'd felt his hardness through his robes. Hearing someone close to his door, she had gotten off his lap and quickly rearranged her robes. 

She'd gone back to the college and they never spoke of it, it was like it had never happened. But she'd been very curious after that. 

"It was nice, but the only reason it had happened was because he was so drunk." 

Even as nice as it was, it still hadn't made her feel like she did when she looked at the Nord. Her face serious, she looked at Soriba. "I didn't say anything because Nelacar and I are just friends, that is all. We didn't want it to get in the way. Also, I feel... stupid sometimes Soriba." 

She sighed, looking up at the ceiling, "For a Mer my age, I know nothing of the opposite sex, other than what I've read. Most of my knowledge of Nirn and it's goings on, are based on books and one small town. The only thing I really know, is magic. I could lead that college Soriba, you know that. But what good is that knowledge even, if I have to remain hidden! And now I can't even go there." 

"I've never been in love. I'm so old Soriba. There is so much more that I want to discover. So much life I want to live. I've been thinking on it a lot... after he's healed and gone, I want to leave. You and Fa'Sien don't have to go. Your son is here. While it would hurt me to be without you both, it's something I have to do. I just can't spend the rest of eternity here, even if it costs my life, I have to get out... I have to leave." 

They had known this would happen, especially after all the changes in town. It was just a matter of time... they were ready for it. Soriba reached out for her hand, taking it, she looked back to the Nord.

The way Soahni kept looking at him. At first, her curiosity had been amusing, almost endearing. What she felt for her now, was fear...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't plan to tag for Somnophilia. Her touching was out of curiosity alone, and not for sexual gratification. Of course, even though wrong, I don't know of anyone including myself, that wouldn't be able to resist a peek. Not where Vilkas is concerned. ^-^


	7. Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to wrap his head around all of this. All he could do was look at her. She was tiny, barely larger than that of a Bosmer female. Pure white skin, pure white hair... every bit of it, white. Her pointed ears and around her eyes, was pink... her lips, pink. Her eyes, soft light blue... just like the sky. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, he couldn't believe it.
> 
> She had taken refuge in the very place, where her people had slaughtered that of his...

*********

Fa'Sien brought in a cot for her, knowing the stone floor was way too hard to sleep on. She had lain, watching him in the fires glow, until sleep took her. 

His groans woke her. 

Jumping off the cot, she ran to the bed. He wasn't fully awake, but he was thrashing back and forth. His brows pinched together, his face in a grimace. She couldn't tell if it was fear or pain... or both. She had to wake him, if he kept thrashing like that, he could hurt himself further.

Putting her hands to his cheeks, "You're okay... you're okay. " She patted his face, "It's okay... you need to wake up." 

His eyes shot open, icy white eyes, stared into hers! She was frozen, as hands shot up, grabbing her throat! "Aaacchhh..." She couldn't breath! His huge hands wrapped around her neck, he was crushing her throat! Her eyes bulged... only little squeaks were coming out of her mouth! 

Her hands slapped at his face and pried at his fingers in a futile attempt to free herself! He shook her! His face a twisted up mask of rage and panic! 

Her vision was going in and out, she was going to black out! Just then... clarity came into his eyes and he saw her. Evidently realizing that he was safe, instantly, he dropped his hands. She fell onto the floor, gasping for breath, and holding her throat.

Trying to lift himself up, pain shot through his chest! Falling back onto the bed, he could only lay there... watching the small female on the floor, long white hair covered her face. He concentrated on breathing as he waited for the excruciating pain to subside. 

Laying on the stone floor, Soahni waited while the healing spell ran through her throat. She would have been okay in just a little bit anyway, but she needed to attend to him. After this, there was no doubt, he was panicked and needed reassurance. 

Gingerly touching her throat, she got up. They watched each other as she approached him, she could see the pain in his face. His skin was beaded with sweat. Putting up her hands, she wanted him to know she meant him no harm. "My name is Soahni... you are safe. We found you... in the snow, almost two days ago. You'd fallen, you'd been injured." 

He swallowed... his eyes darting around, his hands were at his sides, grasping the edges of the bed.

Picking up a bottle from the nightstand next to him, "This is for pain... please, let me help you." 

Still not speaking, he briefly nodded his head. Putting a hand under his neck, helping him lift just enough to drink it. Grimacing at the taste, "Water... please." 

The taste was enough to make him vomit. 'Ugh, these damned nasty things!' 

After giving him a drink, he breathed deep. The potion would work fast with having nothing else in his stomach.

She got a damp cloth and blotted the sweat from his face, he watched her. Realizing he was naked under the furs, 'Had he really been out of it for two days?' 

"Where... where are my clothes... my armor?" 

Standing by him, she put the rag back in the basin. "Your armor is clean and awaiting your recuperation... the chest piece is ruined, but it was cleaned. Your clothes... well... we had to cut them off."

His brow furrowed, he swallowed... watching her as she spoke. "Your injuries were quite severe. Um... if we hadn't found you when we did... you'd have died. I healed you best I could before even removing the armor, I had to... the bleeding from your chest, it was bad. After I got the bleeding to stop, we got you out of your things as fast as possible so I could see the extent of your injuries and bandage you up." 

Wrinkling his face up in distaste, "You used magic on me?" 

She straightened up some, 'What a strange thing to say.' "W..Well... yes, of course. If I hadn't you'd be dead, and if I don't continue... you will be here a very long time. I don't think you reall..."

She was still talking, but her voice had faded out. Looking around, he didn't recognize this place. Just from the look of it, he could tell that he was underground. The walls and ceiling were carved out of stone, the fire pit in the floor had iron grating over it. There was a chain with a handle on the far side of the room, probably to open up the pit in the floor. He'd seen places like this before...

She just prattled on.

"Where am I!" 

She stopped talking. The look on her face told him more than she probably would. She swallowed...

Her teeth worried at her lower lip, she was looking everywhere, but at him. His hand took hold of her forearm, "I said... where am I!"

Swallowing again... 'She couldn't keep it from him, he was going to find out.' 

Looking him in the eye, "You are inside a ruin." She'd said it like it was nothing, raising her chin. 

He wasn't sure what to be more irritated over. Her defiant, obstinate manner, or the fact that she was purposely withholding information from him. 

She straightened further, pulling her arm out if his grasp. Looking at his expression, she couldn't ever remember seeing such a cross look on someone's face. Well, maybe the Thalmor when she'd vomited on him... that had definitely been worse. Just remembering the look on his face, made her want to laugh. Looking back at this irritable Nord, took that feeling away immediately.

His eyes narrowed, "A ruin... am I still in Winterhold?" He could tell she was trying to act like she wasn't bothered by his questions, but her hands told a different story. They were clasped and she was picking at one with the other nervously.

"Of course! We didn't have time to take you anywhere else." The defiant look was still there, but now there was fear behind it. 

He could feel it coming off of her, "That doesn't make any sense! What ruin is in Winterhold..." Instantly he closed his mouth, his eyes widened with realization. 

She could practically hear the gears in his head turning, this... this was not the way she had pictured this happening. 

His voice grew louder, "You... You tell me where I am! And you'll tell me now!"

'There was no way! No way! He wouldn't believe it! This was insanity!' If he could've gotten to his feet, he would've been shaking her. This was... there was...

"You are in Sarthaal..." 

She actually took a step back from the bed. 

He swallowed, "Who are you, how can... who are you to be in Sarthaal." 

The look on his face was one of complete disbelief. "Sarthaal is buried! I looked at the entrance before I fell!" 

Soriba and Fa'Sien moved the curtain and stepped inside. They must have been woken up by all the commotion.

He stared at them and then back to her. 'This was complete madness! Khajiit and an Elf in Sarthaal!'

They stepped forward, but kept a reasonable distance. She'd might as well get this over with... she hadn't said this... spoken this to anyone, ever. It had simply been known by those that knew her. 

Giving a quick glance back at them, Fa'Sien just nodded at her. She turned to him, her hands tightened around each other, deep breath... so quietly. "I... I am Falmer"

"Ha! ha ha, ha ha ha!" 

He was actually laughing at her! His hands went up to his face, rubbing the heels of them on his eyes. 

"You've drugged me, that's what this is." He was still smiling, but now his hands had gone down to his chest, holding it lightly.

Looking at the ceiling, he shook his head. "That's not funny. Can you tell me, please what is really happening. Where am I?" He looked past her now, at Soriba and Fa'Sien.

They came up beside her, Fa'Sien spoke, "She speaks the truth... you are in Sarthaal... and she is Falmer." 

Fa'Sien took her hand, "The Patriarch of my tribe came here long ago, to trade with your ancestors. He found her, abandoned as a babe... they saved her. My family, myself included, have kept her secret safe." 

Trying to wrap his head around all of this... all he could do was look at her. She was tiny, barely larger than that of a Bosmer female. Pure white skin, pure white hair. Every bit of it... white. Her pointed ears and around her eyes, pink... her lips... pink. Her eyes, a soft light blue just like the sky. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, he couldn't believe it.

She had taken refuge in the very place, where her people had slaughtered that of his...

Swallowing, he took in a deep breath. "I'm a Companion..."


	8. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He cut her off. "Do I look like a baby woman! Of course I can do it!"
> 
> She should have been angry, but instead she burst out laughing and raised her hand to cover her mouth. This of course only added to his surly mood. She handed him the bowl, "Are you in any pain?"
> 
> "No!" He practically spit the word out. She looked at him, an eyebrow arched. Her hands went to her hips, "Are all of the Companions as ill tempered as you! Or is it just you!"

*********

Fa'Sien's grip around her hand tightened. This Nord was no threat right now, not while he was laid up, but when he was better... 

No one would harm her! Ever!

He stepped in front of her, speaking at the Nord in a stern voice! "We will heal you, then you will leave! Anyone you tell or bring back here will find nothing! We will be gone! Do you hear! If you try to harm her while you are here..." Fa'Sien was shaking. 

Soriba was pulling her back. She had never seen Fa'Sien so upset.

She was in turmoil, so many things happening at once. For the second time in a week, she was threatened... simply because of what she was. How would she make it in the outside world? Now it definitely wasn't safe here, now they _had_ to leave. There was no choice.

The Nord just laid there, watching them. After a few moments he turned his head, looking back up at the ceiling. "I'm not a threat."

He swallowed, "I won't kill her for being what she is."

Soahni's face pinched up, her hands flew to her mouth as she turned, running out of the room! Soriba ran after her.

Fa'Sien let them go. He took another step closer to the bed, the Nord turning his head to look at him, "Fa'Sien knows how important honor is to your people. We have done what is honorable in saving you... in helping you. Fa'Sien can count on you keeping your word." 

Silently staring at him for a moment, and thinking about his words... he nodded to the Khajiit. 

Finally, he was alone. The potion had kicked in some time ago, he was feeling no pain. His head swam with everything that had just happened, it was more than he could take in. He stared at the stone ceiling over the bed. 

He knew he could never kill someone, especially a woman just for being another race. It was ludicrous. But they didn't know him, and... well, he'd been shocked and he was disoriented. He just needed some time to let things settle in his mind.

He could make amends later, right now... all he could think about was where he was. Looking at the stone, his ancestors had carved this... with their hands. He couldn't believe he was here. When he was able, he'd want to see it... all of it. He'd always loved history, the female... she was living history. Possibly the only one left. He couldn't wrap his mind around that either, what did she know? Remember? What could she tell him, he had to know.

His mind ran through it all until the potion put him back under, better sleep than he'd had in years.

**********

Sitting in the kitchen, crying while Soriba held her. What were the odds... A Companion! The first one ever to come here, other than family, and it's a Companion. And they brought him in... Soahni felt sick, the way she'd looked at him, the things she'd thought... felt. Childish dreams, fantasies. Perhaps there was a reason, she'd never been in love. 

She would help him recover, and then when he was well enough to leave, she would leave. Then, she would seal this place forever. No one else would fall to the same fate, as the ones that had fought over what was here.

After a few minutes, Fa'Sien joined them. He didn't seem to feel the Nord was a real threat, he'd given him his word. That was all they could hope for right now, they planned to leave anyway. She tried to dispute them leaving, just as he knew she would. There would be no other way, she had helped his mother raise him... he wasn't leaving her. 

They'd already spoken to Ja'Sinir when they'd gone to get the cart. He was of adult age and didn't need them hovering. Besides, he couldn't wait to be in a warmer area. He was sick of the snow.

Drinking some wine to relax, Soriba wanted her to sleep in their room. "No, he needs me... and I need to toughen up if we are to make it out there. This will be a lesson. I will be fine." Hugging them, she went back to her room. Walking in quietly, she could hear him snoring, he was asleep. Settling under the furs on the cot, she fell into an exhausted sleep.

**********

Light swirling around his face woke him. Blinking a few times to let his eyes focus, groggily. "What... what are you doing?" 

Lifting her hands from his chest, she moved away without saying a word. He felt better, a lot better. There was a spit over the fire pit, holding a pot. She was pouring something into a bowl. Watching her intently, as she came back to the bed.

Wearing mage's robes with doeskin leggings and fur boots. Her hair was down, he couldn't take his eyes off her. Setting the bowl down on the nightstand, she looked down at him. They just stared at each other for a moment. "Do you think you can sit up? If I help you..." 

He was trying, she could tell he needed help, but also that he didn't want it. A pigheaded, mule of a man... she could see it in his face. Putting her hands under his shoulders, his frown deepened. Finally up, with his back against the wall. He looked down at his lap, adjusting the furs. Again it occurred to him that he was naked... and that she had seen him. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered him. 'So what!' so a woman saw him. For some reason, it did... it bothered him.

"You need some broth to keep your strength up. Can you do it, or-" 

He cut her off. "Do I look like a baby woman! Of course I can do it!" 

She should have been angry, but instead she burst out laughing and raised her hand to cover her mouth. This of course, only added to his surly mood. She handed him the bowl, "Are you in any pain?"

"No!" He practically spit the word out. She looked at him, an eyebrow arched. Her hands went to her hips, "Are all of the Companions as ill tempered as you! Or is it just you!" 

He lowered the bowl from his mouth, completely ignoring her question. "I'd like to put something on..."

Ahhh, so now it comes out. She sighed, "You can barely sit up on your own, how will you relieve yourself if you have to remove clothing."

He looked at her incredulously, "You definitely, will _not_ be helping me do that!" 

The fight was on.

"First of all! I'd like your name!" Her arms crossed, she was waiting.

Setting the bowl back onto the table, "Vilkas..." 

"Vilkas, well... first of all! My name is Soahni... _not woman!_ and second, I have already seen what you have. Up close! It is only because of us that you still draw breath! So you will be taking whatever help you can get, while you are here! Understand!" 

He took her in, little hands clenched into fists at her sides. Her eyes narrowed at him, pink lips set into a firm line. It was interesting how her ears got a darker shade when she was angry. It was amusing, like a mouse staring down a sabre cat.

He actually smiled, raising his hands. "Alright... alright, truce."


	9. Untold Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been handed down from Arch-mage to Arch-mage over many years, kept for her... to be given at just the right time. Urag opened the small piece of parchment, his face bearing a distraught look.
> 
> Quickly folding it back up, he put the parchment back inside with the amulet.
> 
> He wrapped the journal in heavy parchment and tied it with twine, sticking it inside of his robes. This would be kept safe, hidden under lock and key in his quarters until he could get it to her. It was time, he knew it.
> 
> Something was coming...they could all feel it.

********

Pulling at the door on the bookcase, it wouldn't budge. He'd noticed a whole wall of them were like this. Some were encased in glass, he could see the books inside, others were solid wood. Urag watched Ancano as he moved along the wall, trying each one. He simply turned back to his desk, as if nothing were amiss. 

Finally, he walked over to the desk and stood staring down at him. Urag could tell he was putting very real effort into being polite, pointing at the bookcases behind them, "Is there a reason these are locked?" 

Urag turned briefly, to glance in the direction he was pointing. "Yes, they are restricted."

For just a moment, a bemused look flashed over his face and then was gone, he chuckled lightly. "Restricted..." Tapping his fingers on the desk, an eyebrow arched. "Restricted from whom, exactly." 

Urag looked up at him, crossing his arms. "Restricted from everyone! Myself and the Arch-mage alone, have access."

That was not entirely true. If someone needed a specific book, he could give permission. But he wasn't going to tell Ancano that. There were books in there, that they definitely didn't want _him_ seeing.

Giving him a sarcastic smile, "Well... being that you have access, I'd like to see them." 

Urag shook his head at him, "You'll have to get permission from the Arch-mage." 

Color was rising in the Thalmor's face, "That is ridiculous! What in all of Nirn could be so secret, that you can't allow me to see some books!" He was absolutely enraged! They were toying with him, just to keep him in a constant state of frustration! 

"Once the Arch-mage gives you permission, I will be happy to open them for you... until then, the answer is no!" 

Ancano glared down at him, knowing he wouldn't be able to sway the Orc in his decision, he turned. He would go to his room and retire for the night with a bottle of wine. He would speak with the Arch-mage in the morning, if he wasn't agreeable... he would be forced to use other methods.

As soon as Ancano left, Urag hurriedly opened the cases. He called to Nirya to help, together they gathered any book, they thought should be kept from the Thalmor's view. Putting them into a chest under Urag's desk, they locked it up tight.

Going to the last case, he opened it. A strong box was inside. Taking it out, he carried it to his desk. Nirya stood there with him, keeping watch should the Thalmor decide to return. They didn't think he would, it was late and everyone else had already gone to the dorm rooms for the night. It was just her and him. 

Pulling the key out of his robe, he unlocked it. Nirya watched as he opened it. Reaching in, he pulled out an ancient book, bound in rough faded leather. Laying it gently on the desk. They gathered around it closer as he opened it. The pages and binding were leather as well, the lettering had actually been stamped... or carved into the leather. So there was no chance of it fading with time.

A golden amulet lay nestled inside, Nirya ran her finger along it... she had never seen one. Au-riel's symbol... his sunburst, her eyes welled up and her chest tightened. This amulet was older than all of them combined, older than the college itself. Underneath it lay a small, very old piece of thick parchment, stained writing, still legible. The only piece in the whole journal that wasn't in the Khajiiti language.

This was in Falmer, there were only three in Skyrim who could read it, Urag, Soahni, and the Altmer professor that was currently in Markarth. Soahni had been taught by one of the long dead Arch-mage's.

Urag knew what it said, he'd read the whole journal. But he wouldn't tell anyone. He said it was for Soahni's eyes alone. The journal had belonged to her adoptive Khajiit parents, written after they'd found her. It had been handed down from Arch-mage to Arch-mage over many years, kept for her... to be given at just the right time. 

Urag opened the small piece of parchment, his face bearing a distraught look. Quickly folding it back up, he put the parchment back inside with the amulet.

He wrapped the journal up in heavy parchment and tied it with twine, sticking it inside of his robes. This would be kept safe, hidden under lock and key in his quarters until he could get it to her. It was time, he knew it.

Something was coming... they could all feel it.

********

Deciding to forego the clothing for now, once he did have to piss, which was going to be soon, he didn't want to need assistance. The broth was good, he'd drank down a second bowl and was actually feeling much better. Still sitting up against the wall, she was sitting beside the bed, sipping on some wine.

Raising a goblet to him, "Would you like some? You're not bleeding anymore, you could have a little." Yes, he would love a drink, but not wine. He wanted mead, she'd said no. It was disruptive to the healing process.

"If you smoke," Vilkas nodded. "In a few days you should be well enough to, I'll get some from Fa'Sien. It will help you relax." Fa'Sien has this herb he smokes in a pipe, he learned it from a Bosmer friend. It relaxes you and puts you in a wonderful mood, she thought Vilkas could definitely use some. In fact, she would love to see him all smiley. She looked forward to it.

He was thinking of Farkas, Kodlak... the fact that he wouldn't even be missed for another week. He wouldn't be able to send word either, he had to keep his word to the Khajiit... and to her.

She could tell he was in deep thought, finally he turned to her. "I need to apologize..." 

This was definitely not what she expected to come out of his mouth. "I know I hurt you when I first came to. I'm sorry." She tried to dismiss it, and he wasn't having it. 

"You really don't have anything to fear from me... it just took me some time to adjust, you know, take it all in." 

He absently rubbed the growth along his chin, "I'd really like to know about you, this place..." 

"How old are you... how did you come to live here?" Now, he gladly took the wine she had offered, and with all that was going on, he would accept the smoke too. He didn't indulge too often, but he and Farkas both found it easier to relax their wolf at times with a little.

"Early on in the First Era, when the... when my people were being driven underground. Sinnir and Nahneh, his wife, came here with their family to trade with the Nords. One of them told me long ago, that there was some problem in their tribe, or they probably wouldn't have come at all." 

"They found me, abandoned. I was tiny, she was nursing her twin cubs at the time and took me on as well." She took a drink, a far away look in her eyes.

"That's all I know about that... I could never get Nahneh to give me a lot of information. Finally after awhile I gave up on asking."

Looking into her lap, "It didn't really matter." 

She looked up to him now, a sad look in her eyes. "She was the only mother I knew, and he, the only father. They raised me here with their cubs."

"I don't know how we came to live here either, more information that I could never get her to release." 

Taking a drink of her wine, "But I can tell you this" she motioned to the walls around them with her hand, "Where we are, is only a small portion. Most of it is blocked off." 

His eyes were huge, he couldn't fathom her being that old. "If the entrance is buried, how do you get in and out?"

Draining her goblet, she set it down. "Well, that's the interesting part, no one else knows about it either... and I'm going to trust you Vilkas, _not_ to tell anyone." 

He nodded, he was engrossed. 

"There are three entrances, the one above the buried part that you see. That caved in during the attack." She shook her head, "I'm not sure if it was the first attack, or after... when Ysgramor returned. The other of course, is the one that everyone see's partially buried. Then there is another... a hidden entrance in the side of the mountain. That is the one we use. We think it may have been an emergency entrance or exit of some sorts." 

Pouring herself another goblet, he motioned with his. She filled his as well, one more wouldn't hurt him. 

"I do know that by the time they found me, Sarthaal had been sealed as a tomb. A resting place for the Nord dead, no one was living here anymore. The section that the hidden door leads to, was blocked off from the main part, somewhat... by cave-ins, more than likely, that took place during the battles too." 

She took another drink, he was starting to notice some things about her. Like the fact that her ears gave away a lot about how she felt and how much she'd had to drink. When she was mad or embarrassed, they would turn varied shades of pink. Now that she'd had enough to drink, they were turning a nice dark shade.

He smiled, thinking about it, he wondered what they felt like. As soon as the thought popped into his mind, he shook his head... as if doing that would get rid of it. There wouldn't be any of that!

"The part we have always lived in, is actually quite large. Large enough to comfortably house a large family of Khajiit at one time, plus gardens and so on. There are two doors in our section, that lead to main areas that are still functional, but we never go in there..." She looked into her lap, an odd expression on her face. Lifting her goblet.

"Why not, I mean, why not go into the rest. From what I've read, it's massive." 

Still shaking her head, "No... we can't, it wouldn't be safe." 

He didn't understand.

Fingering her goblet, "There are drauger... the closer you get to the doors you can hear them, walking around." The small hairs raised up on him, he stared at her.

"We don't spend too much time around those doors, the more noise they hear on our side... the more agitated they get."

Her voice lowered, so quietly, "Vilkas... there was a reason this place was sealed... buried. It was meant to be left alone."


	10. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bringing his face down to hers, behind heavy lids, her soft blue eyes staring at him. 'Gods... he had to feel her... he had to taste her.'
> 
> He closed his eyes, brushing his lips against hers. He could hear her heart speeding in her chest, like a rabbit's... like prey.

*******

After telling him what she had, she'd gotten quiet. He'd dealt with drauger before, he told her about ruins he'd been in. They were easy enough to take down, as long as their numbers weren't too great. It was the ones that used frost that you had to watch out for.

What he couldn't imagine, was living with just a door separating you from them, knowing they could hear you. That unnerved him a little, after all... he was sleeping here.

It was late. They decided it was best to try and get some sleep. Handing him a bucket, she smiled, "I'll let you do the honors, Sir." 

She grinned, as she gave him a slight bow. 'Smart ass!' She left to get changed, so he would have privacy. 

Much to his relief, he'd been able to without any help, _and_ without making a mess. Which would have been just as embarrassing. He held onto the bucket, waiting for her to come back in. He couldn't do a lot of bending yet without hurting. 

Moving the curtain aside, she came in. She looked like an apparition... 

Long white nightdress, hugging her form up top just enough for him to see her through the material. From the hips down it flowed freely, the fires glow showing through it. Her hair falling all around her. She came to him, lifting her hands to take the bucket.

He just stared at her, his mouth slightly open. Other than his bandages, he was bare, down to the hips. Au-riel... he was so beautiful. She could feel the color rising in her face, heat flaring up in her ears. Taking the bucket, she set it on the floor. She could feel the weight of his stare on her, coming back up to see if he needed help. He had pushed away from the wall, they were almost face to face.

The way he was looking at her, she couldn't even speak. She had to get her barrings, the best thing to do was to just help him lay down... even if she couldn't speak without stuttering. Her face was on fire, heat pooling down into her belly. She moved an arm around him, taking his shoulders, leaning into him. 

She stopped, feeling a large hand come around her waist. Her breathing sped up, she was leaning against him, she could feel the heat from his body. Breathing in his scent, musky and strong. Almost as if time, itself had slowed... his hand tightened around her waist, the other coming to her face. Gently holding her, his fingers threading into her hair, his thumb under her jaw, he titled her head back. 

Bringing his face down to hers, behind heavy lids, her soft blue eyes staring at him. 'Gods... he had to feel her... he had to taste her.' He closed his eyes, brushing his lips against hers. He could hear her heart speeding in her chest, like a rabbit's... like prey. 

His hold tightened, pushing harder into her mouth, parting her lips with his tongue. Her taste, so sweet, like nothing he'd ever tasted. The wolf in him clawing to get out, he could smell her scent... she whimpered against his mouth. 

Her hands were tangled in his hair, breathless... he broke away from the kiss. She felt like she was in shock, his hands loosened their hold on her and slowly fell away. She stood back, swaying on her feet. 

Putting a hand to the bed to steady herself, she didn't know what to say. Still staring at her, his face a blend of emotion. The most noticeable... was fear. 

He stammered, putting his hands through his hair, "I... I'm, sorry... I." 

Before he said something she didn't want to hear, she cut him off. "It's... it's okay". 

She waived her hand dismissively, "Do you need help... um with anything?" 

Taking a deep breath, she pointed at the nightstand. "There is a pain remedy, and uh... water." 

She was afraid to look at him. Everything in her wanted to get onto that bed with him... curl her body around him... let him do whatever he wanted with those hands... that mouth.

"Goodnight then..." She turned and walked to the cot and laid down, pulling her furs around her. He sat there for a moment, looking at her almost as if still processing what had just happened. 

Finally, he laid down.

She lay there staring into the fire, her body was charged, a bundle of electricity. Running her tongue over her lips, remembering the feel of his mouth on hers, she could taste him. She closed her eyes, she needed to calm herself... she couldn't allow herself to care about him. This could never be.

********

He lay there, staring at the ceiling. The heel of his hand, pushing his erection down. He had to get a grip! He hadn't been in control... that had been his wolf. Yeah, he could tell himself that all he wanted, use it as his scapegoat. He'd wanted her just as badly as his wolf, that's what shocked him. 

Turning his head to look down at her, her tiny form under the furs. Tasting her on his lips, her scent all over him. The feel of her hair against his bare skin. He wanted her. He wanted to get out of this blasted bed. He wanted to walk over there, pick her up and bring her to his bed. Where she belonged.

Gods! What was happening to him! This was insanity... he was a Companion! She was a... was a. Shor's bones, what was he doing! He kept looking at her, watching her...


	11. Unrest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one who was with it, she knew who he had been in life, she knew why he was there. This wasn't just his prison, he was there to guard it as well. He was the watchman.

*********

She lay in her cot, thinking and listening to him. He was completely silent. Staring into the fire, she couldn't look in his direction. Her heart was doing little flips, just thinking about him. This... what she was doing. It was emotional suicide. There was no future with this man.

He was a Companion... and she was a Falmer. Even if he did want her, she would never be considered acceptable by his faction. What was she thinking! She was going to have enough problems just going out into society, let alone worrying about whether or not this Companion wanted her. 

That was enough! She was leaving! Right after he left, they would leave. Then... then she would never see him again. The thought of that already made her chest clench up. Putting her hands to her head, ohhh! This was so stupid! She sat up, hands fisted around the edge of the cot. She had to get out of the room!

Standing, she grabbed the bottle of wine, her goblet and walked out. Without so much as a glance in his direction.

*********

He'd laid there, watching her go through her inner struggle. Watched her, as she stared into the fire. Each different expression, as it flashed across her face. Her teeth digging into her lip, her head shaking as she silently debated with herself. 

If he could've gotten up and walked, he would've grabbed her, not the wine. That was the problem.

He wasn't fighting with himself, not like he should be. Not like he needed to. He knew that he would have her... he would have her before he left. But he would leave her. He had to. It was the only way she would be safe.

He knew how he felt was selfish, but being this close to her, he wouldn't be able to leave her alone. He was wise enough to know that. But the way she made him feel, he would have to leave and stay away. They would never be able to have a future. 

He couldn't even imagine what would happen, if he brought her to Jorvaskr. He laughed out loud at the notion. Him introducing a Falmer to the Companions, they would think he'd gone daft. He wondered if the Khajiit was serious when he'd said they were leaving, or if he'd just said it in fear. The thought of her leaving here scared him. 

There was no way she would be safe out in the world, Skyrim wasn't ready. Racism toward the elves had waned over the years, but now the war was just re-fueling it. For a Falmer to appear suddenly, the ones that had started it all, well... it wouldn't be good.

He knew he wouldn't sleep, glancing at the nightstand. The pain remedy, reaching for it. This would help, he would deal with tomorrow... tomorrow.

********

Walking to the warm springs, bottle in one hand, goblet in another. Wine and a good warm soak, the only thing that would help right now. Casting another candlelight spell, she paused at the junction. She stood there thinking... remembering. So much was happening right now, all at once. It didn't make any sense. 

The dreams had started again, right after hearing about the Thalmor. She'd had it almost nightly since. Now with the Thalmor here, being shut off from all that she knew. Finding the Companion and bringing him here... that was the huge one. She still couldn't believe it. 

There had to be a reason all of this was happening. All of this, culminating at once, to get them out of here. 

Turning her head, she looked at the wall. Setting down the wine bottle and goblet, she turned toward the wall, feeling around. The lever...

She pulled it, the little hairs on her standing on end, as the familiar loud creaking rang out. Casting another spell, she looked down the tunnel. She hadn't seen this in so long. Forcing her feet to move, she walked on. 

Already, she could hear it. Growing louder... feeling the vibration in her bare feet. She stopped, the door was just ahead... she had to hear it. She had to know... 

Taking a deep breath, she walked slowly to the door and stopped. Leaning her body against the cold stone, she lay her head against it. She closed her eyes, listening. That humming, it was such a beautiful sound in her mind. It was pulling her, she rubbed her hand over the stone door. Now she knew, her dreams... 

It was calling to her. 

The one who was with it, she knew who he had been in life. She knew why he was there. This wasn't just his prison, he was there to guard it as well. He was the watchman. 

The book she'd read didn't say that of course... it didn't mention the great ball of power. The amulet... that amulet was _nothing_ compared to what he guarded.

Something so powerful... so powerful, that they had killed over it.

She opened her eyes. Staring at the lever... she reached out, running her fingers down it. 

She could hear it, inside of her... it was talking to her, guiding her. Just one push, that's all it would take. That's all it would take and she would be with it. She could kill him. It would be easy, she was powerful... ancient. Her people... it belonged to them... to her. 

She had to get to it.

Her hand wrapped around the handle... it was alright. 

It was time.


	12. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fa'Sien knelt behind her, healing light pouring from his hands... he couldn't bear it. He'd never raised a hand to her, the thought of having to attack her. He'd had no choice, she would've killed them both.
> 
> Remembering the look on her face as she started to turn... her eyes.

*********

It's voice, shouting in her mind! "Protect yourself! _LET NOTHING STOP YOU!"_

Releasing the handle, she would kill anyone who got in her way! Opening her hands, flames ready. The blast hit her from behind, slamming her face first into the stone door. The ricochet knocked her out, and she fell to the floor.

Sparks flying off her body, the back of her nightdress had been burnt away. The edges tinged with blood and char, the smell of burnt flesh filled the tunnel.

Fa'Sien carried her to their room.

Healing light flowed all around her. On their bed, she lay on her side. Her nightdress had been cut away, Soriba lay next to her, cradling her face. Her pale blue eyes opened. 

A look so far away filled her eyes, her mouth turned up in such a beautiful smile. Her hands raised to the Khajiit's face... touching her, like she hadn't seen her in so long. 

Her voice shaking, "Nahneh... Nahneh?" Soriba's hands moved to rest over hers. Tears flowing down over her fur covered cheeks. She felt like her heart was breaking.

"Nahneh... I'm so sorry..." She cried out, "I broke my promise!" 

She sobbed, clinging to the Khajiit's face, "I'm so... sorry..." 

Soriba held her, crying with her. There was nothing she could do to ease her pain.

Fa'Sien knelt behind her, healing light pouring from his hands... he couldn't bear it. He'd never raised a hand to her, the thought of having to attack her. He'd had no choice, she would've killed them both. Remembering the look on her face as she started to turn... her eyes. 

It wasn't her... that thing in the tunnel... it wasn't her. He'd had no choice.

They had to get the Nord healed and they had to get her away from here... they had to!

*********

Vilkas woke to the sound of a pot being stirred. The potion had knocked him out, he couldn't remember anything. He hadn't even heard her come back. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, looking toward the sound.

The Khajiit female. Propping himself up on his elbows, he looked around. "Where's Soahni?"

She kept stirring, she didn't look at him. Very matter of fact like, "She's not feeling well, you won't see her for another day or so." 

Ladling some soup into a bowl, she walked to the nightstand and set it down. She must have been in here for awhile, there were new potions on the stand as well. 

'Great!' He'd been too aggressive. That had to be it. She was staying away now, she hadn't come back at all last night. That's why he didn't hear her.

The male walked in now, holding a breech cloth and a pair of deerskin leggings. He laid them on the bed, looking at Vilkas, "Will you need help getting these on?" 

Something was going on, he could feel the tension in the air. Vilkas just shook his head, watching them. The male leaned into the female, speaking low, "Everything is packed that we can for now, she will pack her own room when she feels better." 

Panic rushed through him, as soon as the male left the room, he sat up. It was easier, didn't hurt as much. "Packed? packing? What's going on?" 

She approached him, "Soriba needs to remove your bandages, to see how you are healing." Completely ignoring his question, she tapped his arms so he would lift them. He couldn't help but automatically doing what she wanted, she had such an authoritative way about her.

He just watched her as she removed the bandages. He looked down at his chest, rubbing his hand across it. The cuts were healed, but still dark pink in color and still tender to the touch. He was going to have some bad scars. 'Oh well, he had others. At least he was still breathing.'

She walked to the opposite wall and pulled the chain. The grating over the pit opened downward, she tossed the bandages in and came back to the bed. "Soriba will leave, get these on and have your soup. Then Fa'Sien will take you to the warm springs, it will help your healing... clean you up." 

She turned to leave, "Ah, Soriba... can you please tell me what's happening?" 

She turned to him, listening. "How can Soahni be sick, I don't understand. Why are you packing, I already said I wasn't a threat. You have my word."

"We are not leaving here just because of you. Anything else doesn't concern you." With that, she walked out.

He could tell, just from their demeanor that they wouldn't be giving him any information. It was going to drive him crazy. Hopefully, he would be able to see her soon. He had a feeling, he'd be able to get it out of her. 

Carefully, he put the clothes on. The breeches were a little tight and short, but still, it was nice to be covered. Sitting in the chair beside the bed, it was so nice to just sit, on his own... to not feel like an invalid. 

He ate the soup, thinking about what was happening. It had to be more than just what had happened between them, she had wanted it just as much as he had. He needed to be as observant as possible when the male took him to the springs, try to learn as much as he could. He knew they didn't trust him. 

He would have to be patient.

**********

Soriba came back to her. She lay on her side, covered in the furs, a blank look on her face. She still had yet to speak today, she just stared into the wall. They wouldn't mention what had happened, not unless she did. It had taken it's toll on all of them. There was no need to press her about it. She would talk about it when she was ready.

The main thing was that she was safe. The Nord was healing quickly, it would be just a matter of days, maybe a week tops and he would be well enough to leave.

Soriba checked her back, she healed so rapidly, she would probably be alright come tomorrow.

She sat on the edge of the bed, patting her hair. They'd had to cut quite a bit off, so much of it had been burnt. Soriba had kept what looked nice, braiding it neatly. She knew Soahni would want it, even though her hair grew fast, she was bound to be upset over it.

It had been down to her waist, now it was just below her shoulders. 

"Soriba, could you take me to the springs..." Soriba turned, a concerned look on her face. "Soahni..."

"I'll be alright if you are with me, I know I will be... please." It hurt to sit up, but she wanted to get back to him. The faster she healed, the sooner she could see him again. The springs would help, but she also knew going to the springs would take her back there...

Letting out a deep breath, "Once Fa'Sien is done with the Nord... then both of us will walk you there. Then I will stay with you." 

Her face immediately lit up, "He is walking? How is he? Did you..." 

Soriba just shook her head, looking up. She just knew he was bad news, he was going to break her heart. Like she needed more heartache than she already had.

"Yes, he's walking and yes, he is fine. His bandages are off, he is healing nicely." Soahni, hugged the furs around her, smiling so big. She just glowed. Soriba couldn't help but smile, watching her. Why did everything have to be so complicated for her. 

Resting her chin on her knees, "I know I can't stay with him Soriba, but... I want to enjoy what little time I do have." 

Soriba nodded, no one would try to deny her. She deserved some happiness... any happiness at all.

Even if that happiness ended in more heartache.


	13. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The books try to say that it was all the Falmer, that it was fear of overpopulation, fear of intermarriage and breeding." Her voice trembled, escalating. "It was that thing!"
> 
> She pointed in the direction of the chamber, tears flowing down her cheeks. "It was that thing! I saw it! It showed me!"

*********

She wanted to see him so badly. She stopped walking, and looked down. She could see his wet footprints on the stone. She had just missed him. 

Soriba stopped, concerned there may be another problem, watching her. Soahni's hands came up to her mouth, a smile forming. "Look..." She pointed at the floor, looking back at Soriba. "His footprints." 

Soriba burst out laughing, literally holding her stomach. She had never seen such a sappy look on anyone, and over footprints. Soahni grinned at her sheepishly, "What?" 

Soriba, still chuckling. "Oh girl... you are in trouble." 

Soahni's face and ears were red, "I know... it seems ridiculous doesn't it." 

They started walking again, Soriba's arm wrapping around her, they both sighed at the same time, causing both of them to break into laughter again. Soriba leaning her head into Soahni's. "This one thinks it is exactly what you need." 

The walking had been a little slow. Even though she was almost healed, her energy was low. She healed very rapidly, but that caused her energy and all her abilities to wane severely. It made her vulnerable. 

They had eaten before coming, now it was time for some wine. Filling their goblets, she passed one to Soahni. Relaxing, their backs leaning against the stone. The warm water felt so good, dunking under Soahni came back up. Her hair now wet, she couldn't get over how different it felt. She couldn't remember it ever being this short, Nahneh had always kept it long. She fingered a piece of it, a solemn look on her face.

Soriba watched her, "Soriba didn't want to cut it... but there was no choice." 

She let out a sigh, laying her head back against the stone. "I know, you did what you had to." 

Staring at the ceiling, "I can't believe I went in there..." 

Lifting her head, looking at the Kahjiit. "I can't believe it... I can't believe that any of this just happened." Raising her goblet, she took a long drink.

"I can remember, but... it's like remembering a dream." She shook her head, looking into the water. Raising a hand to her chest, "It felt like... like what was talking to me, was the most important thing. The most important thing in my life." 

She looked at Soriba, "It felt so sincere, it made me believe it. It lured me in, and then it had me. It was inside of me. When I remember how it made me feel, it terrifies me. It makes me feel sick."

Soriba sat silent, listening. "It showed me things, I saw things. How it effected the Elders, the ones in control. The war... the war between my people and the Atmorans... it was over this." A tear ran down her face, now more than just sadness, she was filled with anger.

"The books try to say that it was all the Falmer, that it was fear of overpopulation, fear of intermarriage and breeding." Her voice trembled, escalating. "It was that thing!"

She pointed in the direction of the chamber, tears flowing down her cheeks. "It was that thing! I saw it! It showed me!" 

"Our people killed each other... the hatred it's caused!" Covering her face with her hands, her shoulders shook as she wept. She knew they had to seal this place, so no one else would ever be able find it. No one else would ever suffer the fate that her people had.

Soriba believed what she said, every word. Whatever it was... it was powerful, and it was no good. They would never tell her that when they had come into the tunnel, when they saw her, they yelled and yelled. She didn't even acknowledge them, like her mind was gone. 

Then, suddenly, like something had spoken to her, she turned her head in their direction. Just enough so she could see them, but still listen to what it was saying to her. That look she'd held... her face. Her eyes... her eyes had been black. Completely black. Her mouth turned up into a sick smile, as she'd brought the flames into her hands. 

Fa'Sien knew there was no choice, she was too powerful. He had to hit her before she fully turned, and turned on them. He had to get her down, knock her out.

She hadn't seemed to remember calling her Nahneh though, if she did she didn't let on. Soriba would never tell her either.

Soahni wiped her arm across her eyes, "I have to leave Soriba, it has such an effect on me... such a hold on me. It's because of what I am. it wants me to finish what was started so long ago." 

Enough! She was done, her heart felt lighter. They would be gone in less than a week. She had to focus on that, and that alone caused such a mix of emotions in her. It was time to move on, the future was at hand.

*********

The Kahjiit male Fa'Sien, had given him a whole set of clothing. This one fit him a little better, the tunic was a little tight, but at least the leggins were long enough. Sitting in the chair, drinking hot tea, if anyone at Jorvaskr saw him... Gods, he would never live it down. Tea. 

Oh well, since he'd been here, he'd gotten more sleep than he had in years. The warm springs were amazing, even with the fact he was still recovering, he was starting to feel like a new man.

Taking another pain/healing potion last night, he'd slept like a rock. Given his travel time to Winterhold to begin with, by tomorrow he would've been gone two weeks. They would be expecting him to be getting back any day now, it wasn't like him to be late. He wasn't the type to take a long time on any job.

He feared his brother worrying over him. Even as adults, they were close. Too much time together and they were at each others throats, but too much time apart, and they were lost. 

Draining the last of his cup, he sighed, looking into the fire. Truth be told, it was him that was the cause of most of it. He tended to be impatient, his well-meaning brother taking the brunt most times. He couldn't imagine how Farkas would be affected if he just disappeared. If they never saw each other again. They'd always agreed that no matter what, even if they married, they would always be close by each other. 

Being here, dealing with this, he'd had a lot of time to think. He'd almost died. He wanted a clean conscience. He needed to make amends. He couldn't wait to see his brother, and thinking about that... made him think about Soahni. The fact that she was the only one. Even having the Khajiit, how alone she must feel. He was starting to feel great admiration for what they'd sacrificed for her, it was a great deed.

Lost in thought, the curtain opened. Soahni stepped in, closing the curtain behind her. She was in her mage's robes, holding a small satchel. Something was different. She turned to him, her hair... Gods! What had happened!

Knowing he wore a startled look, he couldn't help it. She was so quiet, pulling a chair to his, she sat down in front of him. Her pale blue eyes looking up at him, he couldn't read her at all. Just looking at her, just being close to her he couldn't gather himself. He felt like a damned adolescent, this was insane! 

Letting out a sigh, "Fa'Sien told me to give this to you, it's a gift." She handed him the satchel, smiling. Color already rising in her ears and cheeks, he had to smile at her. They were sitting almost knee to knee. He opened it, reaching in he pulled out a pipe, carved out of bone. Intricate engravings along the stem, and a small doeskin baggie with drawstring closings. It was full. 

He gave a her a coy grin, "Will you be partaking in this gift with me?" 

The color in her face got darker, looking down. "Maybe later... tonight." 

He put the items back in the satchel and set it down, he would look forward to that.

Looking at her hands, entwined together in her lap. "It's a gift from myself as well, I made the pipe a long time ago. It's so you will remember us... me" She looked up at him, under her long white lashes... "I know I will never forget." 

Nothing about this was easy, he was falling for her. In just the few days that he'd been here, this was easy... feeling this way, with her... it was easy. Leaving her, it would be one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He already felt like he had to protect her, and he knew he couldn't. That was the problem! He felt like the whole of Nirn would be against this tiny little, delicate creature... and he wouldn't have the strength to keep her safe.

"Soahni... nothing could make me forget this... you. What you've done for me, all of you." He couldn't say more than that, he couldn't. He had to leave her in just a few days. He wasn't good with feelings, especially trying to talk about them with a female.

"I know you probably won't tell me, but... what happened to you? Your hair, what happened? The Khajiit, Soriba, she told me you were sick." 

He scratched his beard nervously, he'd always shaved. He wasn't used to it yet, he almost had a full beard already. "I know that's not true. You don't get sick... do you."

She was biting her lip, another nervous habit he'd learned about her. "I can't tell you, Vilkas. I'm sorry, but I just can't. It's complicated. I'm fine and that's all that matters." 

Getting up, he could tell she wanted to change the subject. Watching her as she busied herself making them breakfast. Her hair was still beautiful, hanging just past her shoulders. He knew it would still feel good on his skin. 

A little smoke, a little wine, sitting in the fire's glow. He would have her in his bed tonight, just the thought of it sent warmth into his loins. After he was done loving her, she would open up. He had to convince her to stay, and that would be the way. She would listen if she felt the way he did... he would make her understand. 

Even if he could never see her again, he could live knowing she would be safe.


	14. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stared at the pipe, looking back to her, he could tell she was uncomfortable. "Soahni, I can't believe you're giving this to me, something this special."
> 
> He looked down at his lap, he felt like an ass. All he was doing was taking. They'd helped him, healed him... saved him. What she was giving him... not just the blasted pipe, what she would give him. 
> 
> She could only give once.

*********

Knowing he still had at least a couple of days, he let it drop. He wanted to enjoy this last bit of time with her. Eating apples and cheese with tea. "So, when do I get the tour that you promised me?" 

Almond shaped, sky blue eyes, peered up at him over the rim of her tea cup. 

Lowering it, a huge smile graced her face. "Are you up for it? " 

She'd been shifting between excitement and nervousness all morning. Fa'Sien and Soriba were visiting their son for the night. They were all alone. 

Of course, she hadn't told _him_ that yet. She knew that they wanted to see Ja'Sinir prior to leaving, as it could be months before they saw him again. She also knew that Soriba wanted to give _them_ time alone. And as much as she wanted to be alone with him, she wasn't sure if she was ready.

Every time she thought about it, her face felt like it was on fire... like it was right now. Setting down his tea cup, "I am." 

He chuckled, her face and ears were deep red. He swore he could feel the heat radiating off of her, he wondered what was going through her mind.

Getting up to take care of their dishes, he stepped up behind her, gently taking the plates from her hands. Glad that she was able to control the gasp that wanted to escape her mouth, her heart was pounding like crazy. She swallowed, he was right behind her.

His voice low, "Leave them. Let's go, I'm eager to see this." 

Releasing a deep breath, "Alright" she was just as eager as he was. The thought of just walking beside him, she wanted to hear more about him, she was so curious. They would have time for that later, she knew he wanted to hear about the ruin right now.

Opening the curtain, they stepped out. The hallway that ran to her room, had other rooms coming off of it as well. She told him of the numerous Kidavi family members, that had occupied them over the years. "My room has always been my room... well, after I was old enough to be out of a crib of course." 

Showing him the kitchen area, "Amazingly enough, this was an actual kitchen that was used by your ancestors. One of them of course, there are many living areas throughout the ruins, we just use this part. So..." 

Walking through the room, he touched everything. He was in complete awe, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He'd been in ruins before but this was different, this was the very first. Also the fact that they had lived in it, utilized it just like it had been then. 

He bent, peering into an ancient oven that was built into one side wall, made from clay bricks with a chimney that vented out to another area, probably to provide heat elsewhere. And they were still using it. Stone wash basins that drained out through grates in the floor. Finally he turned, motioning to her that he was ready to move on.

"This is the garden area, you got to see part of that before on your way to the springs. We believe the Atmorans actually used it to grow crops as well, as we found things, tools and other items that would have been used for cultivation." 

Walking through a sharp turning tunnel, it ended in a door, she stopped. "This is one of the doors I told you of before, we think it goes to the main area that would normally be accessed through the door that still lies buried." 

She started to turn away, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Wait, I'd like to see it." He raised his hand to the lever. Quickly, she put hers in front of it blocking him. 

Shaking her head, "We can't, Drauger! Remember? I told you." 

He really wanted to see it, "How many can there be, I can put my armor on..." Of course his sword was gone, but there had to be weapons here. She was an Elf, magical... if they worked together. 

Her face was covered in a concerned look, "No, I'm not strong enough right now and neither are you... there are too many." 

Opening her palm, a ball of light appeared, raising into the air. Putting out her torch, she swung it toward the door, banging on it. She did it repeatedly.

She motioned for him to come closer, "Listen..." they stood there silently, waiting. After a few moments he could hear shuffling, accompanied by the gravelly moans that he'd heard before in tombs such as these. Slowly, it grew louder and louder, till it was right on the other side of the door. 

He backed away, looking at her. "Alright, I believe you." 

She was right, he really wasn't ready to fight anyone or anything yet. Pulling at her, "Come on, I'd like to see the Springs again." He turned his head down, grinning toward the ground. Gods, her face was heating up already. 

"But you've already seen it." 

He was headed to her room, "Well, I want to see it again. But first, I have to get something." 

Following behind him, "Wha- what do we need, we're just looking right?" 

He didn't answer, instead he walked through the curtain. She could hear him gathering things, like he'd been there forever. She stood at the door, trying to collect herself. Going through it in her mind. Was she ready? She wasn't ready. Already?... what about tonight? She thought she had more time. Was that even what he had in mind? Maybe she was just being... that had to be it, she was just being silly. But why would he want to see it again, did he know they were alone?

Finally he came out. He handed her the satchel and a bottle of wine. She just stood there, with her mouth open and her eyes wide. Taking in the items he carried, furs were draped over one arm and he held two goblets in his hand.

She swallowed. She started to speak but he was already walking, motioning for her to follow. She knew even if he'd waited till tonight, she would feel just as much apprehension as she did now. It wouldn't make any difference. 

Both, completely silent while they walked, she thought back to what Soriba had told her. It only hurt the first time, then it was nice. It wasn't even the pain that frightened her the most, it was simply the fact that this was the unknown. Something she had never experienced before... and it would be with him. The most magnificent, beautiful man.

*********

The whole time they walked, his mind ran over what the Khajiit female had told him that morning right before they'd left. He'd just been up for a few moments, getting ready to put water over the fire. She'd stuck her head in, sort of looking around to see if coming in was okay. She stood in front of him, stern looking. Her voice quiet, "We will be gone overnight to see our son at the college. We will trust that Soahni will be safe with you while we are away." He just listened...and nodded.

She had started to leave, and then paused. Turning just slightly to him, "Soriba knows how she feels about you..." Another pause, he could tell she was choosing her words carefully. 

Turning enough to look him fully in the eye, "She is pure. Understand the gift that you are getting." She turned and walked out. 

It had taken him a few minutes before he could even move, standing there with the kettle, thinking about what she had said. She knew what was going to happen, she knew they would need privacy. But she was also giving him a warning, he _knew_ Soahni meant everything to them. 

When they finally reached the springs, they both breathed out in relief. It would have been funny if they both weren't so nervous. Setting down the goblets, he laid out the furs. She just stood, stark still, watching him. 

He needed to get her to relax, "Come, sit with me... lets have some wine and talk." A look of relief flashed over her face, this was right. They had all night, there was no need to rush. 

In his whole life, he'd only been with two virgins. The first one, he'd been quite young and inexperienced, and he hadn't known what to do. Needless to say, it hadn't been a very good experience for either of them, and he'd regretted it after. 

After that, he'd met another young woman, and he was a bit older. He'd actually gone to Skjor for advice before they'd done anything, as he didn't want the same thing to happen. He'd felt better after their talk and their time together had gone much better than his first. Even though it was still painful, he'd prepared her better before hand, he was more gentle.

They had less than two days left, he was well and his injuries were no longer a reason for him to stay. He had to get back, but he wanted them both to enjoy this time as much as possible. 

Smiling, she sat down next to him, setting down the bottle so he could pour for them. "I will be leaving after tomorrow," handing her a goblet. "I thought we should talk." 

Setting down the bottle, he opened up the satchel, pulling out the pipe. He looked at the engravings on it. It looked like some type of writing and symbolism... he had no idea what it was, but it was beautiful. Looking from it to her, she sat hugging her knees, watching him. "Can you tell me what this means?" 

Grabbing the goblet, she needed the wine, bad. Taking a long drink, she needed something in her hands, something to fiddle with. It was also something to look at, when she didn't have the courage to look at him. "It's in my people's tongue." She was turning red, what it said was personal to her. She'd never thought of giving it as a gift, until she met him. 

"Um, I can't really explain it... it's about me. The symbols are Au-riel's... his symbol. The carving on the bowl is a carving of his Chantry. I've never seen it in person, I dreamt of it. That is a carving of what I saw in my dream." She felt foolish, looking down into her cup, thankful once again that she had it. 

He stared at the pipe, looking back to her, he could tell she was uncomfortable. "Soahni, I can't believe you are giving this to me, something this special." 

He looked down at his lap, he felt like an ass. All he was doing was taking. They'd helped him, healed him... saved him. What she was giving him... not just the blasted pipe, what she _would_ give him. She could only give once.

And he was going to leave her. His conscience was killing him. He ran his fingers across the engravings, he was torn. Gods! He wanted her so badly, he knew he couldn't take her with him... he just couldn't. But he didn't want anyone else to have her either! _That!_ that, would make him the selfish asshole. No! All of it! All of it, was making _him_ the asshole.

Her hand touching his, jarred him from his inner self-abusive lecture. "It's alright Vilkas, I want you to have it."

Downing the rest of her cup, getting a blast of courage. "Come on, lets lighten up. I... I don't want this to be a sad thing. We got to meet, didn't we?" her smile widened.

"Do you realize that just us being together, here... this is a historical moment!" It was, actually. She couldn't believe that it hadn't crossed her mind before, not like that.

He laughed, _she_ was making _him_ feel better. That made him feel like even more of an ass, _she_ was cheering him up. He downed his wine. Nodding his head, "You're right," he laughed. 

"A Companion and a Snow Elf, drinking wine... inside Sarthaal." 

They both were laughing now, he filled their goblets again. Raising the pipe to her, wanting her approval. She nodded, "To Oblivion with it all, right? let's indulge."

Why not, they needed to have fun, she wanted it to be fun. It would be what they made it. She was with him, that's all that mattered.

Watching him as he packed the bowl, "You know, this isn't the first time that a Snow Elf and an Atmoran have drank here together. Maybe not a Companion, but... they were once friends you know." She smiled at him.

She was right. They were once friends.

Still, they were making history. The pipe was ready, he looked at her questioningly, "Um... what do we light it with?" 

"Let me handle that, get it ready..." He put it up to his mouth, snapping her fingers, sparks and a small flame came up on them. Holding it over the bowl, he sucked in, taking a drag. It smelled wonderful, she'd only smoked sparingly but whenever she smelled it, it made her mouth water. Such a rich, good smell. He passed it to her, turning his head to cough, smoke pouring out of his mouth and nose, holding his chest.

Taking a hit, holding it in. She watched him, waiting for his coughing fit to pass. She exhaled. "Are you alright?" He nodded, his eyes were tearing up, his face a deep red. He took a quick drink, she passed the pipe back to him. 

"It's been a while..."

She was already feeling good, sticking her tongue out at him. He gaped at her, now she was laughing at him. "I just think you're a light weight... we elves now, we can hold our own." She doubled over, covering her mouth with her hand. 

He couldn't believe it, she was giving him shit. Taking another hit, he would do this without coughing. He was determined now. She took the pipe, watching him as she hit it again. He was turning red, wheezing through his tightly shut lips, smoke spurting out. She just held it in, smiling at him. He couldn't do it, he doubled over, feeling like he would cough up a lung, holding onto his chest. 

She just grinned, "Do you need some healing?" Her smoke escaping as she spoke. 

"I'm fine smart ass." Wiping his eyes, "I've been injured... remember." 

Her eyebrows raised, a sarcastic look on her face. "Oh... well, that'll be your excuse big, strong, man." She busted up laughing again. 

"That's it!" He tackled her, "Ahhh!" he was on top of her, his fingers going to her sides, tickling her.

Holding her hands against his chest, trying to push him back, she was laughing so hard, afraid she would pee her pants. "Stop... stop... I'm going to pee my pants... Vilkasss!"

Finally he let up and collapsed next to her. Setting the pipe down right side up on the stone next to their furs. Huge grins plastered on their faces, staring at each other. He couldn't ever remember feeling this good, this relaxed with any woman. Like he could be himself, and show how he felt.

His arm draped over her waist, he let his fingers lightly rub along her side. Her cheeks and ears were pink, she snuggled in closer to him. Her face was so close, to see her like this, the light pink around her blue eyes. She was breathtaking. Their noses touching, tilting his head, his eyes going down to her mouth. Feeling her little hand on his face, combing through the new growth of his beard, she pulled his face to hers. 


	15. Who Are You To Tell Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You plan to bed me, take my purity... which I was prepared to give you earlier by the way! Then you plan to leave, never to see me again. And you have the gall to try and tell _me_ what to do! How do you have the right to tell me anything! To order me!"
> 
> Taking a step towards him, "Do you know how old I am! Do you know what I've seen and lived through! How dare you!" Another step, she was yelling. "Or is this a Companion thing! Good at taking what you want, then leaving!"

**********

He watched her, her eyes were closed. He let her explore his mouth with hers, feeling her lips softly touch and caress his. Having a nice buzz going, he wanted to progress before her anxiety set back in. He pulled back a little. "Why don't we soak for a bit... hmmm." 

Her eyes opened just a crack, peeking at him through long, white lashes. She smiled, showing her little teeth. "Mmkay..." 

He could tell she was feeling good. This was perfect... in the mood, a nice buzz going, warm springs and wine. It couldn't get any better.

Untangling from her, he sat up. She lay there looking up at him, watching him, enthralled. On his knees, he looked down at her as he undid the ties on his tunic. Bringing it up over his head, he let it fall. Getting to her knees in front of him, she looked at the scars on his chest. Trailing her fingers down them, leaning in to kiss his skin oh, so lightly. 

Taking her hands, he stood, pulling her up with him. He undressed first, unlacing his leggings he pushed them off, letting them fall to the furs on the ground. He was already straining against his breech, but he would leave it on. They could progress to that in the water. 

Even though she could feel the color rising in her cheeks and ears, she undid her robes and pulled them over her head. Wearing a typical thin, doeskin halter, she proceeded to her boots and leggings, leaving on her unders. 

He took her in as she undressed. Creamy white skin, and so tiny. So beautiful...

She turned, stepping into the springs. He bent, grabbing their goblets and followed her into the water. Setting the goblets on the edge, he sat, watching her as she dunked under. Coming up, steam rising off of her. Smiling, giving him a brief nod, he did the same. Sitting back, she looked at him, breaking into a laugh. 

He smiled big, "What... come here." He grabbed her hand, pulling her onto his lap. Her arms wrapping around his neck Nose to nose, she was still giggling. "What's so funny?" 

He pulled back, looking at her face. She had the giggles, "You look so funny with your hair wet." 

Laughing even harder now, hiding her face in his neck. Nuzzling into his hair, she was definitely stoned.

Grabbing her sides again, "Funny huh..." 

Thrashing in the water, in hysterics, trying to escape his hands. In the process, she was grinding against him. He was so hard now, the strain against his cloth was getting uncomfortable. Grabbing her hips, he stopped her, holding her still. He leaned his head back against the cool stone. She pulled back from his neck, watching his face. His eyes were closed.

He couldn't do this. Not like this. Opening his eyes, he gently, but firmly pushed her off his lap. Not missing the frown on her face, knowing she didn't understand. "Soahni... I just want to be with you." 

He didn't want her high when it happened. He wanted her to be completely aware. "I... I want it to happen when it happens." Sitting down next to him, looking down into the water. He found her hand, holding it in his, stroking his thumb against her skin. "Not because it's planned." 

He completely missed the look on her face at his admittance. Even though she figured this was what he wanted to happen when they came here. She was torn. She was ready. She wasn't before, now she was... and he was faltering.

Standing, he stepped out, reaching his hands out to her. "Come on, let's dry off. We'll get some dry clothes on, then I'll help you make lunch." 

He had the munchies, she was probably hungry too. And truth be told, he was dying to see the kitchen in use. Anything to take his mind off this. They snuggled into the furs, sitting together, his arm around her. She didn't seem to be upset, or at least she didn't act it. But she was completely silent. Underclothes wet, they walked back, wrapped in the furs. 

It had been a bad idea, not the whole thing, just trying to push it into sex with her instead of just having a good time. Trying to force it. Things like this should happen naturally, like the first night they kissed. _That_ should've been the night.

He wouldn't dwell on it. No, what he was dwelling on, was what the had Khajiit said to him that morning, before they left. His conscience again.

He wasn't the type of man to use a woman, but nor was he the type to get involved either. Hence the reason he'd gone without for so long. Getting involved meant change, lots of it. His life was full as it was, he had enough worries without adding a woman to them. 

He had no problem being satisfied with his hand and some oil. He never had before and he wouldn't now.

And right now, he was trying to talk himself out of all of this! Settling into his normal, set way of thinking was a safety net, a defense mechanism. He didn't like the fact that he was caring about her. The fact that he wanted her, like he hadn't wanted anyone else before... ever. The fact that she was, what she was... and the fact that they would never be able to have a future because of it. 

The fact that he'd never be able to keep her safe. The fact that he even knew about her.

***********

Standing side by side, him cutting the meat while she, the vegetables. Cups of wine waiting for them, this was nice.

Fresh bread was baking in the oven. With the last of the ingredients in, all there was to do was wait. Hoisting herself onto the stone counter area, she held her cup, watching him as he washed up. She couldn't help but smile. He was handy in the kitchen... she would've never guessed. A warrior that liked to cook, and he was good at it. It made her wonder what else there was to discover about this mysterious man. 

"Will you tell me about you?" His brow pinched up a little. She could tell, he either didn't want her to know, or maybe it was simply difficult for him to talk about.

Taking his cup, he leaned back into the table opposite hers. He looked down into his wine, here was that serious face again. He took a deep breath, thinking. 'Oh well, what could it hurt? They would never be together again. If he convinced her to stay... which he had to do.' 

"Well, I have a brother, in fact, he's probably getting worried about me. I'm not usually late coming back." 

This was uncomfortable, he wasn't used to talking about himself. "Uh, Soahni, I... I'm not really good at this..." That wasn't really a lie, but the less she knew about him the better. He scratched his beard nervously, that was another habit he'd gotten into just since being here. 

Forcing a smile, she nodded. Of course she knew why he was closing off, she could literally see him go through his mood swings. "What I do want to talk about, is you leaving." 

Still rubbing on his beard. "I don't think it's a good idea." She just looked at him, watching him struggle to get out what he wanted.

"This war that's going on, if you were to be discovered right now. I can't even imagine the effect it would have on Skyrim, not just the Nords, but the other Mer as well." Trying to keep her expression even, to hide the fact that she was getting angry, she could feel the heat radiating off from her face. 

She had studied his faction long ago. She knew exactly where it was. That was fine! He didn't want to tell her anything about himself, it didn't matter. He wouldn't have to be bothered with her once he left! He could go on his merry way and she would go on hers. 

She thought about how close they'd be, if he only knew. Fa'Sien's brother worked for a Nord living in Lakeview Manor, right outside of Falkreath. He'd cleared the bandits out of Pine watch and gave it to them to stay in. As soon as the assault with the Thalmor had happened, evidently Fa'Sien had wrote him. Telling him if they left, they would need shelter.

When he'd told the Nord he may have family coming, he'd said they could just stay in the manor house. Evidently, he was never there. Having numerous properties, his work with the Imperials keeping him in Solitude most of the time anyway.

It would be wonderful, beautiful weather. Ak'soud had described it in a letter when he'd first gotten the position. They couldn't wait.

"Soahni...did you hear me." 

Sitting there, thinking about the whole thing! Now she didn't care if he knew, she was furious. Jumping down off of the counter, not only did she not answer him, she turned her back to him. Raising her head cockily, she lifted her cup and downed the wine. 

Crossing his arms, watching her. The longer she ignored him, the angrier he got. 

She turned to him, her jaw set, eyes narrowed. She crossed her arms, glaring at him. "Let me get this straight, Vilkas! We find you, take you in, and heal you. You know our history, enough anyway... to do us great harm. We risked _our_ exposure to help you." She was getting redder by the second, uncrossing her arms, her little fists clenched up! 

"You plan to bed me, take my purity... which I was prepared to give you earlier by the way! Then you plan to leave, never to see me again. And you have the gall to try and tell _me_ what to do! How do you have the right to tell _me_ anything! To order me!"

Taking a step towards him, "Do you know how old I am! Do you know what I've seen and lived through! How dare you!" Another step, she was yelling. "Or is this a Companion thing! Good at taking what you want, then leaving!"

Right in front of him now... he stood his ground. Which wasn't hard, he was backed against the table. She lowered her voice, "You have no idea what is happening here. It is also, none of your business. You plan to bed me, but I'm not good enough for you to share anything about yourself! You have no rights to me! I will do as I please, you can leave tomorrow." 

She turned to walk out, pausing at the door. "You can have my room tonight, I will gather what I need and sleep in another room."

He stood there in complete shock. He felt like a fool. Not only had he never been berated so by a woman... but, she was right.

Everything she said was right.


	16. Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The more she looked around, seeing evidence of him everywhere, the more she realized just how much she didn't want him to leave. Picking up a fur from the bed, holding it to her face... smelling it... smelling him. The tears came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **First time/Loss of virginity**
> 
> **Also, Vilkas is going to cry... come on. The shit they're going through is definitely tear worthy.**(Well... he won't cry over the sex, the tears come later) Just so you know. ^_^

We are stars,  
Fashioned in the flesh and bone,  
We are islands,  
Excuses to remain alone,  
We are moons,  
Throw ourselves around each other,  
We are oceans.  
Being controlled by the pull of another.  
And I just wanna be loved by you,  
Yeah I just wanna be loved by you,  
I see nothing worse than to sail this universe without you.

*********

She stormed into her room, she had never been this angry. And, she was going to cry. For some reason, her temper was hard-wired to her tear ducts. The more angry she got, the more the tears threatened to fall. Fighting it, she grabbed some clothes and her night things. 

She had to get out of the room, she couldn't falter, he was wrong! She deserved freedom! She had just as much right to live as anybody else.

The more she looked around, seeing evidence of him everywhere. The more she realized just how much she didn't want him to leave. Picking up a fur from the bed, holding it to her face... smelling it... smelling him. The tears came. 

She stood there, head down, face in her hands... sobbing. Large arms, circled around her from behind. Pulling her in tight to him. Resting his cheek on the top of her head. "I'm sorry Soahni, I was wrong. That's not the kind of man I am."

She turned to him, burying her face in his chest, as he held her. She cried. The injustice of it all, was so overwhelming. The past that she couldn't change. The fact that even if she ran away from here, she would still never be free. The fact that she would be seen as the enemy, a threat, looked upon in suspicion and fear. 

The fact that they were falling in love... and they could never be together.

He held her, stroking her hair. The weight in his chest unbearable, he couldn't remember when the last time was that he'd cried. This Mer... she was going to be the one to wreck him. He could feel it. 

He'd gone over every good reason, every good excuse in his mind, why they couldn't be. He'd beaten himself up over his growing feelings for her, and yet all he could think about, was how much he wanted to be with her. And how leaving here tomorrow without her, would kill him inside. 

He'd save his tears for tomorrow, when he left. When he was alone.

"Please, stay with me tonight. I don't want anything, but to be near you." 

She pulled back, her face red from crying. Looking at him, more tears escaping, she nodded. She couldn't be mad at him, not when she would never see him again. 

While he went to get the stew and bread, she poured their wine. Sitting by the fire pit, she looked into the embers. She needed to concentrate on tonight, the time she had with him. She wanted to make the most of it. She didn't want their last minutes together to be filled with sadness. The problem was, all she could think about was tomorrow. 

He had returned, carrying a tray. They ate in silence, watching the fire, each one lost in thought. Knowing each beginning of a conversation would only lead back to the inevitable, neither said anything.

Standing, she set the bowl aside. Picking up her nightdress, attempting to give the slightest smile. "I'm going to go change." 

He nodded to her, watching her walk out. He got up, trying to busy himself, he picked up the dishes. He walked to the kitchen, leaving the dirty dishes on the table and headed back. Getting back to the room, he couldn't even recall what he'd just done. His mind was gone, reliving her words to him. How his feelings for her were crushing him inside... dreading tomorrow.

He walked in, not seeing her, he pulled off his tunic, flinging it to the corner. He just stood there, staring into the fire pit, in a trance. "Aren't you coming to bed?" Her voice jarring him back.

He looked to the bed, she was laying on the far side, covers open... waiting for him. Staring at her, his heart speeding up, he was nervous as hell and doing his best to hide it. Snapping himself out of it, swallowing hard, he drained his glass. He had to be a gentleman.

Pulling off his donated boots and socks, he walked to the bed. He would leave his leggings on, he didn't want her to question his intentions. He started to climb in, she spoke softly. "You can't sleep in those, you'll get too warm... it's alright Vilkas." Giving her a slight nod, he undid the laces and pulled them off.

He got settled into the bed, feeling funny in just his breech, trying to remember that she gave her okay. Sensing he was comfortable, she moved to him, laying her head on his chest, her arm draped over him. Pulling the furs up to his waist, he tucked his arm under, around her back. He wanted to feel her. 

He stared at the stone ceiling feeling her warmth, her skin on his chest... her hair, like silk. Moving her leg over his, the fingers on his chest doing lazy circles through his hair. He closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing. He didn't want to move. Her hand, caressing his skin... shifting her head, rubbing her cheek against him. He wanted to pull her tighter into him. He wanted her on top of him, but what he wanted and what he needed to do, were two different things. He didn't want to ruin it.

He was getting hard. He kept his eyes shut, but his breathing was doing it's own thing now. Turning her head just enough, she kissed his chest lightly. His mouth opened, God's... she was killing him. Sliding her hand down his abdomen, to his thigh, she slowly caressed his leg. His voice came out strangled. "Soahni..." 

Ignoring him she darted her tongue out, touching his nipple. He pushed his head back into the pillow, his free hand clutching the bed, the one around her, digging into the material of her nighty.

Latching onto his nipple with her mouth, she moved her hand to his crotch, rubbing him softly through the thin leather of his breech. A deep moan escaped his lips, he couldn't take it, he rocked against her hand. Moving his hand to his breech, he undid the cloth and raised his hips to free himself from it.

He wanted to be shocked at her brazenness, but he couldn't be. He'd never been so turned on. As soon as his skin was bare, she wrapped her hand around him. It was taking everything he had to keep still, as her hand moved over him, exploring him. 

Soriba had told her of some things to do and try, she wanted to do it... experience it with him. He would be the only one to touch her. She couldn't fathom ever wanting another.

Pulling away from him, she got onto her knees. The room was dim, the only light, the fire's glow. She couldn't think, she just had to act. Lifting the nightdress over her head, laying it aside, she could feel the heat in her face. Her ears were on fire.

It was everything he could do, to process what he was seeing. Kneeling over him, was the most breathtaking creature he'd ever seen. Hair, falling around her face and shoulders. Pure white skin, small, delicate breasts... light pink nipples. She looked so fragile, so beautiful...

Before he knew what was happening, she bent down between his legs. She took his hardness in her small hand, feeling it, pushing his foreskin the rest of the way back. He was near panting from just watching her. She knelt down to him, her little pink tongue coming out to just touch his slit. His body jerked so violently, he about came off the bed. Reaching up, he grabbed her arms... stopping her. 

He'd lose it! He'd lose it if she did that. A shocked look came over her face, he just shook his head. His face was beaded with sweat, "I... I won't last... Soahni." 

He pulled her down to him, laying her down. Holding himself up over her, her arms circled around his neck. Lowering his face to hers, taking her mouth... her soft lips open, his tongue finding hers.

Parting her legs with his, he moved between them, one arm holding him up. Breaking away from her lips, he kissed along her jaw to her neck. Everything in him wanted to bite her, suck on her... mark her. Struggling, he fought against it... he had to, he needed to do this right. 

Her hands were nestled in his hair as he moved his mouth down to her chest. Sitting back slightly, so he could move his hands, he looked down at her. Blush graced her face and neck, eyes closed, perfect pink lips parted. He propped her legs over his hips, rubbing his hands over her. Massaging her breasts, his thumbs grazing over her nipples. Her head went back, pushing into the pillow, mouth open in a silent cry. He leaned in to her, taking one of her breasts in his mouth. Sucking on her soft, sweet flesh. She cried out, digging into his hair, arching her back pushing against him. 

His hand holding her free breast, pinching lightly on the nipple, kneading it. Pulling the other arm around her, pushing her further into his mouth, sucking and teasing her nipple with his tongue. He could almost get the whole thing in his mouth, just the perfect size. Releasing her from his mouth, he gently blew over her nipple, watching it as it hardened further, goose flesh rising up where she was wet. Grasping it again between his teeth, gently kneading it. He wanted to chew on her, devour her.

She rocked against him, his length was rubbing over her crotch. She was soaked already. He moved down her, running his tongue along her stomach. Gasping, her hands rubbing through his hair, she opened her legs further for him. 

Moving his tongue through baby fine, white hair. Soft, like chick down, just gracing the edges of her. Folding her legs around his shoulders, he took her into his mouth. His hands locking onto her hips, holding her in place. She cried out, arching her back off the bed as he sucked on her, his tongue dancing through her folds. Dipping into that sweet center, sucking on her clit. Pulling on his hair, her head thrown back, she screamed out.

He wanted her to cum, he wanted her to be pleased before the pain came. He backed off, sitting up on his knees. Moving her legs back over his, both of her arms were wrapped around the pillow, back over her head. Placing a hand on her lower abdomen, rubbing lightly. He moved his other hand to her crotch, rubbing his fingers into the folds, getting them slick and wet. His thumb moving to her clit, he started slow, light circles. His middle finger, lightly running over her center, just skimming over the tight little ring beneath. Moving her head back and forth over the pillow, she moaned as he worked into a rhythm with both hands.

She rocked against his hand, her body moving frantically, her head was now under the pillow. She was crying out into it. Applying just a little more pressure to her clit, she stiffened, attempting to close her legs. He pushed down against her pelvis. Pushing harder into her clit, his middle finger running through her center, over her tight, little ass. Fine sweet fluid sprayed out of her, coating his hand. 

Her whole body was locked up, jerking! He forced her legs apart, climbing between them. Grabbing the pillow, he moved it away, letting it fall off the bed.

Her eyes were still shut, her mouth open, trying to catch her breath. Holding himself up, an arm on each side of her head. He let the head of his cock rub against her, getting himself wet. She whimpered against his face, wiggling against him, he pushed...

Instantly, she stiffened, clenching up her teeth. He stopped, nuzzling her ear with his mouth, he whispered. "Try to relax... I'll go slow." 

Silently, she nodded. He moved out, then pushed back in, just a little farther and stopped... waiting. Her breathing sped up, her eyes were shut tight. She clung to him, her nails digging in. She was so tiny... so tight. He was struggling not to move faster, she was like a vice around him. Once he could actually move he wasn't going to last long. Perhaps a good thing.

He backed out once more, then very slowly pushed in. Her whole body, was wrapped around him in a death grip. Her face was buried into his shoulder, he stayed still for a moment. Trying to let her adjust to him. She was silent... very slowly, he started rocking his hips. Small whimpers were now coming out. He whispered into her ear. "It's almost over..." 

Her voice cracking, muffled against his shoulder. "I'm okay."

He knew it hurt, he needed to let go of his control enough to finish. His hips, moving a little faster, he opened his mouth against her ear. Flicking it with his tongue, breathing into it, rubbing his lips against it. She relaxed a little more, slight moans escaping from her. 

That's all it took. That, coupled with the unbearable tightness around him, he let go. His body stiffening, he cried out into her ear. Holding still as he pulsed inside of her. After a few minutes, her hold around him relaxed and he slowly pulled out. 

Laying to the side of her, he pulled her up against him. Both a sweaty mess, hair wild and tangled, he kissed her forehead, waiting for their breathing to slow.

Holding her, only one thing came to his mind. The one feeling, completely overwhelming him right now. 

The one thing he wanted to say to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Lyrics : We Are Stars  
> By: The Pierces
> 
> I poured out some sweat on this one, hope I did it justice. I had some help here as well.


	17. What I Can't Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her mouth on his cut him off. Her hands in his hair, pulling her tighter into him, he never wanted to let her go. Breaking away from his lips, she looked back into his eyes.
> 
> She didn't want to hear it, she couldn't... she couldn't bear it. She would give him the easy out. Because after all, she could look forward to leaving here, her prison. She had a new life ahead of her, she would take his memory with her.
> 
> And live, knowing he was just miles away... safe.

**********

They lay together, holding each other. Much to her surprise, with all the emotions running through her at that moment, relief was among the biggest. It was hard to explain, she had built so much anxiety around that one moment. And now that it was over... well, she realized it hadn't been so bad. 

The pain hadn't been that bad. Of course, everything else he'd done had been amazing. The way he'd made her feel... she wanted to remember everything, even the pain, every second. Forever.

The only thing he could think about, was how tomorrow, he would have to do the exact thing she had accused him of. The exact thing the both of them knew he had to do. No matter how much he didn't want to do it. What choice did he have?

All he wanted right now, was to hold her, take her in. The more he did that, the more he was reminded of what he wouldn't have. What he knew existed, what he knew was just a few days travel away, what he had tasted.

How did that saying go? What was harder? To have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all? Was that right? 

All he knew was knowing this love, feeling it and losing it... it was tearing him apart. He didn't want to feel this right now, he wanted to look at her, and tell her how much he cared. His heart was being ripped in two, it was being crushed... by this tiny female clinging to his side.

She was being so quiet, he wondered if she'd gone to sleep. He ventured a glance down, pale blue eyes watched him closely. Heat flooded his face, his voice thick from their lovemaking. "What?" 

She smiled up at him, "Nothing... just, how you looked just then." 

Turning onto his side to face her. "And how did I look?"

Softly rubbing her little nose against his, "Like a man in the middle of a serious debate."

He'd been found out, she was too observant. All he could do was look into her eyes. Now who was the prey, he felt like a deer staring into the eyes of it's killer. Anything he said would dig the hole deeper. He was already in so deep, he couldn't see daylight. He didn't want to give false hope, create more pain. Even if he was the one wanting that hope... needing it.

Gods! why did it have to be like this! "Soahni... I... There's so..."

Her mouth on his cut him off. Her hands in his hair, pulling her tighter into him, he never wanted to let her go. Breaking away from his lips, she looked back into his eyes. She didn't want to hear it, she couldn't... she couldn't bear it. She would give him the easy out. Because after all, she could look forward to leaving here, her prison. She had a new life ahead of her, she would take his memory with her. 

And live, knowing he was just miles away... safe.

"Vilkas, you don't have to say anything. I know, I don't want it to be any harder than it already is." 

Tears escaped her eyes, betraying her... her voice cracked. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I know how hard this is... lets just enjoy the time we have. Please... I just... this is what I want to remember."

He nodded, knowing she was letting him out of it... and he would accept. He would be the coward, he would... because this pain, this anguish, this was worse than anything he'd ever suffered. He would lay next to her, hold her, and breathe in her scent until sleep took him.

**********

Both waking early, both wanting to get this over with. She'd made him eat. He hadn't tasted any of it, the thought of eating made him ill. Normally it would've tasted fine, he knew she was trying to make sure he'd be strong for his journey. Getting a satchel ready with food and drink for him to have, while he rode the carriage from Winterhold. That would be appreciated. 

Neither of them spoke, trying to evade the tears that were threatening more with every second. They had cleaned his armor, even with the damage to his chest plate, it was pristine. "I uh, Vilkas... I enchanted your armor."

He was shocked, not really upset, which also shocked him. Normally he would've been livid, the thought of having magic enchantments on his circle armor. He would never part with it, it was part of her now. He'd already planned on hanging up the damaged chest plate in his room, a keepsake. A reminder of being saved by them, and meeting her. 

His voice cracked, he looked away. By Oblivion... he couldn't do this! Taking a deep breath, "Thank you, Soahni... I... I'll treasure it." The Khajiit weren't back yet. He wouldn't wait, she'd given him a sword of Fa'Sien's that she'd enchanted for him as well. 

In his full armor, carrying his knapsack and bedroll. The pipe she'd gifted him with tucked away inside, just like the satchel of food and the bottles of mead she'd snuck from their room for him. They walked to the entrance.

Tears were already falling, no matter... he'd have frozen tracks down his face by the time he got to the Inn. All they could do was stand there for a moment, looking at each other, leaking fluid. She swallowed, it would be easier to talk if she lectured him. "Now, stay away from that cave. I don't want to have to worry about you getting hurt again." 

He pulled her closer, as she reached up to tug on his beard. Taking hold of her hand, he held it and he kissed her. Kissed her like he'd never kiss again. He never would... he'd never want to touch another woman. No one.

"Soahni... I, I want you to be safe... please. You have to promise me... promise me that you won't leave... please." Their foreheads were pressed together, his eyes were closed. Hers were open.

"If I do... you have to promise, no more jobs in Winterhold."

His eyes were immediately open, staring into hers. He backed away so he could look at her squarely. His brow furrowed, "What... what do you- " 

Cutting him off, "Promise me... and I will promise you." 

"I promise." He was dead inside. This was it... he would never see her again. This was what she wanted? 

She nodded, "Alright. "

He watched as her head raised defiantly, "Goodbye Companion."

He nodded, he couldn't speak. He just turned and walked out into the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I must give credit where it is due, my ex's sister gave me quite a bit of help with this when I first started it. Especially intimacy from the woman's perspective shall I say. My first attempt at a hetero story line and a female main character. This was kind of our project together. Now, I'm getting help from a few of mine and my spouse's female friends. So I'd like to give a great amount of thanks to her and them, and everyone else that likes this story. I appreciate all the comments and kudos. It means a ton and has kept me motivated. I also love Soahni, its been a lot of fun.


	18. Keepsakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letting out a deep breath Soriba came in, holding something big wrapped in skins. She hadn't even known they were back. 
> 
> She sat up, folding her legs, grabbing some of the cloth. She knew this feeling would pass. She also knew it would take time, and she was not above indulging in anything that would appease it while she suffered.
> 
> Soriba walked to the bed, laying it down next to her. "Fa'Sien kept this for you..."
> 
> Unfolding the skins, she opened it.

**********

She watched his back as he walked out the door. The stone slowly falling back into place, alone... alone... Her eyes locked onto that spot, trying to hold onto the way he'd looked, trying to remember his face, his voice. Falling onto her knees, her arms hanging limply at her sides. Her mouth hanging slack, she let out a cry of pure anguish. 

The floodgate now completely opened, her body shook as she sobbed, she wanted him back. She just wanted him back.

Waking up, her pillow was wet and her eyes and nose were raw. Laying in a fetal position, her arms wrapped around her. Laying on the skins and furs that they'd made love on, she was covered in the remnants of his cut off clothing that she'd kept. Anything that would give the illusion that he was still with her, anything.

Letting out a deep breath, Soriba came in, holding something big wrapped in skins. She hadn't even known they were back. She sat up folding her legs, grabbing some of the cloth. She knew this feeling would pass. She also knew it would take time, and she was not above indulging in anything that would appease it while she suffered.

Soriba walked to the bed, laying it down next to her. "Fa'Sien kept this for you..." 

Unfolding the skins, she opened it.

It was his broadsword.

**********

He walked through the gates in a daze. The entire journey had flashed by him, he didn't remember any of it. If people spoke to him, he didn't acknowledge. Jorvaskr was ahead, climbing the steps, tears ran down his face upon seeing it. He didn't care that anyone saw. If someone dared give him shit, he'd kill them.

Standing before the door, looking at the only home he'd ever known. His heart glad to be back, but also a bitter reminder of who he was and why he couldn't have her with him. He walked in. 

The familiar warmth and smells wrapping around him, the ache in his chest increasing. As much as he wanted to see his brother, all he could think about was getting below and drinking until he couldn't walk or think. 

Silence.

He'd been almost two weeks over due. He'd been gone long enough for Farkas to get there, look for him, finish the job and get back. Later he would tell him that he'd found no trace of him ever being there, except for the word of the Inn keeper. 

Farkas jumped up from the long table, knocking over goblets and sending dishes skittering across it! 

All eyes were on him. Farkas rushed to the door, skidding to a dead stop directly in front of him. His brother stood there, taking in his appearance. He knew he was probably a vision to be sure. 

Full beard, chest plate in ruins, four jagged claw marks running through the center. His armor glowing with her enchantment. His broadsword gone, an elvish blade hung at his side, glowing as well. He knew he looked like shit, his eyes and nose, red from all the tears.

Without saying a word, Farkas stepped up close and wrapped his huge arms around him. His brothers tears hitting the shoulder of his armor and his neck. He dropped his gear and returned his embrace.

Farkas' torn voice muffled against his hair, "I thought you dead!" 

Not a word came from the room... a pin could've dropped and been heard.

Silently, Farkas backed out of the hug. Then bending down, he picked up Vilkas' gear and led him below. Feeling the eyes upon him, he was thankful for his brother. Farkas knew he needed solace, there would be plenty of time to talk. 

All that mattered was that he was home, he was alive...

***********

His feet seemed heavier with every step he took, the weight and realization of everything that had happened coming to the surface. The fact that he'd almost died, the fact that they'd saved him. Then meeting her, loving her... leaving her. Having to keep this secret. 

Inside his room now, Farkas shut the door behind them. He set Vilkas' things down in the corner. He was moving automatically, being driven completely on emotion. Removing the ruined chest plate, he set it into the corner, placing the rest of his armor around it, piece by piece. Farkas stepped over to it, bending down to run his fingers across the rips in the steel. Eorlund had made this... 

Something big had completely run through it, like a hot knife through butter.

Now, in just his borrowed tunic, leggings and stocking feet, he sat on the bed... his bed. Farkas sat down in the chair across from him, handing him a bottle. Uncorking it, he tipped it back, emptying half the bottle.

Farkas just watched him, he looked like he'd aged a few years and he'd only been gone four weeks. His beard... Vilkas was never unshaven, never. The clothes were of Khajiiti fashion, they were too small. The sword, "Vilkas, where's your broad?"

He tipped back the bottle, draining it. Farkas handed him another, he uncorked it. "Lost it, saw it last... stuck in the ice... I was falling." 

Farkas leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped under his chin. Watching him, his eyes had a far away look. He almost looked like he was in shock. Vilkas tipped back the bottle, holding it until it was gone.

Slowly, Farkas handed him another. He uncorked it, Farkas was worried. Not so much about the drinking, they'd gotten drunk plenty of times. It was the way he looked, his face... his eyes. "Do you want me to take your chest pla- " 

Vilkas almost jumped off the bed. "NO!" 

Farkas instantly sat back, seeing his brother's reaction, he calmed. "I... I'm sorry. I want to keep it, it's a reminder... I'll have a new set made."

Farkas just nodded his head, "Alright, nobody will touch it Vilkas."

He didn't want to change his clothes, he didn't want to bathe. He still had her on him, her smell, her taste in the beard around his mouth. He just wanted to finish the bottle and slip into oblivion. 

He lay down on the bed, facing his brother. His voice almost a whisper, "I thought... I'd never see you again, Farkas." Tears ran from his eyes onto the pillow, reaching out his hand, Farkas took it and held on.

"I'm sorry... for all the times..." 

Farkas lost it, putting his face into his other hand. To see his brother like this, after thinking he was dead... what had happened? By the Gods, what had happened to him?

His shoulders shaking as he wept, holding his brother's hand, gripping it. "Don't, Vilkas!" his voice broken. "I love you, I know... it's okay." 

Scooting the chair closer to the bed, "All that matters is that we're together now. Nothing like this will ever happen again! I can't lose you! I can't... you're safe now."

Vilkas nodded, his eyes closed. After a few minutes his hand loosened around his brother's. He was asleep.

Farkas would stay by him, he wouldn't let him out of his sight. Not until he was acting like Vilkas again. Then... then they would be doing jobs together. 

He looked over at the chest plate, looking at the tears in the steel. If his chest plate looked like that, what did Vilkas' chest look like?


	19. Moving Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her arms and body turned as she began casting the blizzard spell. Throwing her hands downward, blizzard winds and snow blew all around her. Her white hair flew around her face, she didn't feel a thing... completely oblivious to the cold. Her skin blending into all the white around her.
> 
> They looked on as she walked out of the blizzard unscathed. She was going to stick out like a sore thumb where they were headed.
> 
> There had been a reason why her people had lived in the coldest regions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Remember, Sarthaal hasn't been excavated yet**

**********

They waited almost a week to leave. Wanting to make sure he had a chance to get back to Whiterun, they didn't want to worry about a chance encounter. Especially with her telling him that she would stay. She knew she'd hurt him, making him promise to stay away. She'd hated to do it, but she didn't want to worry about him coming here to see her, when she would be gone. It was for the best, he'd been right, what future could they possibly have together?

Everyday got a little easier, she tried to focus on the move. Packing had been bitter sweet, she'd spent so many years here. So many of their family members' remains had been laid to rest here. And she'd met him here. They could return anytime, it was always an option. She didn't think they ever would though, the past needed to stay in the past. This was a fresh start, for all of them.

Trying not to focus on that, she'd packed everything that had to do with him in a separate chest. Fa'Sien's brother had stated the manor house was big enough, they could all have their pick of a room. She couldn't wait. To be able to see something other than snow, for the first time ever! To be able to be above ground, to see the light, the sun... everyday. She knew they couldn't wait, they longed for the warmer weather. She wanted it too. Change. 

Fa'Sien was already planning to build another greenhouse. One outside, large enough to grow fruit trees in. To be able to grow things outside, for the first time. She couldn't even imagine, lots of new experiences to keep her mind off of him.

They left a lot there, kitchen things they didn't need. The old Nord gardening tools they'd used. Only the essentials and personal items were going. Besides, Ak'Soud had said Lakeview Manor was well stocked. They would have everything they needed.

What bothered her was having to leave, without being able to see anyone at the college again. Fa'Sien said they'd left word with Dagur as to where they would be. Only to be given to Savos or Mirabelle of course. But still. 

Fa'Sien and Soriba had already taken two cart's up to the Inn, they had two left. It was going to take two carriages to haul it all, they'd paid extra so it would only take one trip to get there. Just four or five days journey from what the drivers told them. They would practically go past Whiterun, close to it. 

It was finally time to leave, they all stepped outside. They walked ahead, then turned to watch. Soahni stood back from the entryway, holding out her hands, she covered it with ice. Her arms and body turned as she began casting the blizzard spell. Throwing her hands downward, blizzard winds and snow blew all around her. Her white hair flew around her face, she didn't feel a thing... oblivious to the cold. Her skin blending into all the white around her.

They looked on as she walked out of the blizzard, unscathed. She was going to stick out like a sore thumb where they were headed. There had been a reason, why her people had lived in the coldest regions.

Walking toward them with a smile, "It's buried, no one will know it was ever there." Starting towards the Inn and their waiting carriages, she paused, turning back to take one last look.

Only the main entrance was partially visible now, locked forever.

***********

He'd sat there so long, watching Vilkas sleep that he dozed off. Waking up a short while later, he watched him for a few minutes. He could tell he'd be out for awhile, he'd looked so exhausted when he got home. Noticing he had beads of sweat on his brow, he pulled off his brother's socks. He knew having his own feet bare, always seemed to cool him off. Temperature gauges they were.

Ever since he'd been little, he could always adjust how he felt, by whatever he put his feet in. Vilkas would laugh at him, but it worked! If he had a headache or was upset, he'd find some cool mud and squash his toes in it. It soothed him and cooled him off. Especially when he was in his wolf form, of course then... then he'd roll in it. Finding some nice, cool mud was practically a requirement.

His stomach growled, he got up. He knew Vilkas would be okay. He went to the kitchen, got a pot filled with stew, some bread and bowls and carried it to his brother's room. He could warm it over the fire, that way it would be ready when Vilkas woke up. He was bound to be hungry, he could eat right in there with him.

Setting the pot over the fire, the dishes and mead on the small table, he left. He'd spoken with Tilma in the kitchen, telling her he would speak with everyone upstairs. They were waiting for some word. All he could tell them was what he knew, which wasn't much.

He walked upstairs and sat down at the long table, everyone was gathered. Looking at each one, he took a deep breath. "Well... I don't know much. He... he didn't say what happened to him, or where he was." 

He looked at Skjor and Kodlak, who headed up the table. All bore looks of concern. 

Folding his hands in front of him, he looked down at them. "He's not okay, not yet. But I think he will be. Whatever he went through, it had to be bad. I've never seen him like this."

He looked at Tilma, "Don't touch his armor, I just asked if he wanted me to take his chest plate to Eorlund and he about came unglued. He said he wants to keep it... as a reminder." 

He stood, "I'm gonna go be with him." Looking back to Kodlak, "He'll tell us when he's ready." 

They understood, nodding to him they all bid him goodnight. They all knew how close they were, the relief was evident on his face and in his demeanor. 

It had been horrible... not knowing, the waiting for some word. Farkas had scoured every cave when he'd gone and found nothing, absolutely nothing. 

*********

Farkas had gone back to his room, he'd ate and drank and fell back to sleep, his feet propped on the bed. Vilkas had arrived in the morning and had slept through the entire night. Farkas had gotten up, going to his room, he changed into something more comfortable. He cleaned up the dishes from dinner and had gone to the kitchen.

Getting a tray with apple, cheese and Tilma suggested tea, said it would make him feel better. Though he didn't think he'd touch it. He didn't think he'd ever seen him drink anything, other than mead or water. He hated wine. Maybe he drank tea once, if he remembered right, they were little and he was bad sick. Tilma had to practically pour it down his throat. 

Pushing the door open with a stocking foot, he walked in. Vilkas was sitting up.

"Breakfast..." he set the tray on the table. Taking a seat in the chair he'd slept in. Vilkas did look better, still a little tired looking but at least his eyes looked clear. That made him feel better. 

Vilkas gave him a slight smile, the food looked good, he was hungry. And tea, that sounded good, she'd gotten him used to it. They'd spoiled him with that Khajiit cooking, just thinking about it caused his chest to clench up. He pushed the thought away and got up to sit at the table with Farkas.

Pouring his tea, his brother watched him, looking like he'd been slapped. "What?"

Farkas watched him bring the cup to his lips and sip, "I don't believe it... Tilma said the tea would help you, I told her no way you'd drink it. Guess I have somethin to learn huh?"

Tearing into a piece of cheese, holding the apple while he chewed. "I got used to it while I was healing... got used to a lot of things." 

Noticing the pained look that came across his face as he spoke, Farkas ate silently. He'd let him spill it at his own pace. He had so many questions, but at the same time he didn't want to overwhelm him. Vilkas tended to be quiet, he knew he'd let it out when he was ready.

Knowing he needed a bath, he'd fold everything up just the way it was, and keep it. He decided to keep the beard. Of course he'd trim it, but growing it with her, he'd gotten used to it. He didn't want to let everything go, every reminder. Biting into the apple, pouring some more tea. He was feeling better just being back here with his brother... his family.

"I wonder if Tilma would get me a bath ready? I'd like to get out of these and into something clean, that fits." 

Downing the rest of the tea, "I know everyone is waiting for some answers, tell them I'll talk to the circle in Kodlak's room after I've bathed." 

Farkas left to get Tilma, he'd help her get it ready.

While Farkas was out, he unpacked his knapsack. He'd stolen her bone hair brush. It was hand carved, beautiful craftsmanship, made with horse hair. She loved it, and she'd probably been the one that made it. Either that or it was something old that belonged to someone in her family. He'd felt a twinge of guilt taking it, but... when it came time to go, he couldn't help himself. 

He'd laid in the bed each night, watching her brush her hair with it before laying in the cot next to the fire. He ran his fingers over the hair that was still caught in it.

Setting it down on the dresser, he pulled out the pipe. It was wrapped in doeskin, he wouldn't open it, not yet. He laid it next to the brush and reached in to get the pouch. Smiling, remembering her sneaking into Fa'Sien's stash to fill it back up for him. The Khajiit definitely knew how to grow it, he'd have to share some with his brother. He was looking forward to spending time with him. 

What had happened made him realize just how fragile life could be. How easily it could be taken from you, he didn't want to waste the time he had left. Opening up the strongbox in his wardrobe, he slipped the items in and locked it.

He could hear Farkas coming, and pulled out a comfortable set of clothes, laying them on the bed. Pulling his tunic off, he turned. 

Before he could stop himself, he sucked in a shocked breath, gaping at his brother's chest. Vilkas just stood there, looking at him. Real quiet, he raised his hand, taking his fingers and running them across the diagonal scars on his chest. "That's where it got me..." 

They were healed, but still fresh. Dark pink, cutting through black hair on his chest. He'd never be able to grow hair where they were again. Running all the way from his shoulder diagonally and ending almost under his other arm, near the love handle.

Farkas stepped closer, looking at them, "Vilk... you... you should be dead. I... I mean, I can't believe those... a wound that bad." He was not only in awe, but seeing it, the reality of it slapping him in the face. 

Vilkas just chuckled, "I know, believe me, I know. Frost Troll... never been that close to one."

Laughing harder now, "I know one thing. I don't ever want to be that close to one again!"

Looking over at his armor, "Would you help me hang that up, once I'm done?" Rubbing his hand absentmindedly across his chest. "It would mean a lot to me Farkas." 

Heading out the door, "Sure thing, come on... you got a hot bath waiting." 

He grabbed up his clean clothes, looking at the chest plate again. He knew exactly where he wanted it. A hot bath sounded good, he followed Farkas out and closed the door.


	20. New You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farkas wiped his eyes, "Sorry, it's just... the tea, the beard. It's like you're a new Vilkas." Watching his brother's face in the mirror, a thoughtful expression coming over it.
> 
> "I am a new Vilkas... I guess that's what happens when you watch your life flash before your eyes... feel like you'll never see anything you love again." 
> 
> He could see Farkas' face in the mirror as well, he didn't think he would ever be the same again either.

************

Farkas had sat with him through his entire bath, some of the time talking, some of it silent. Just to be in the same room, he felt better. He was afraid to take his eyes off him, as if he would disappear at any moment. 

He wasn't going to let him out of his sight, especially after seeing the scars on his chest. For him to receive a wound like that and live, he couldn't believe it. He wanted to know how. He wanted to know who had helped him. 

Whoever it was, he owed them everything. 

Vilkas looked into the broken piece of mirror, using a comb carved from bone and a straight razor, he trimmed his beard. Farkas sat watching him, "You're really gonna keep it? I don't believe it. Are you sure you're really Vilkas?" He laughed. 

Vilkas couldn't help but laugh with him, lowering the razor. "I'll never get this done if you don't stop, can't trim and smile at the same time." 

Farkas wiped his eyes, "Sorry, it's just... the tea, the beard. It's like you're a new Vilkas." 

Watching his brother's face in the mirror, a thoughtful expression coming over it. "I am a new Vilkas... I guess that's what happens when you watch your life flash before your eyes... feel like you'll never see anything you love again."

He could see Farkas' face in the mirror as well, he didn't think he would ever be the same again either.

Clean and in fresh clothes, they walked together into Kodlak's room. The only ones present were Kodlak and Skjor, Aela felt it would be easier for Vilkas to open up without her present. He was appreciative to her for it, even though they respected each other, they didn't always see eye to eye. It had always been easier for him to talk about how he felt, when it was just the men present.

He sat at the table with his mentor. The same table he'd sat at so many times before, pouring out his soul. The old man and Skjor both, had taken a big part in raising them. Kodlak and Tilma, mostly through the real young years, Skjor through their teenage and rebellious years. 

He could tell Kodlak in private how he felt. The personal stuff. He needed to, the old man was ill. He may not get another chance.

Skjor on the other hand, already knew. He'd been with them through their rough, awkward years. He'd helped them get through learning how to cope with the beast blood. Helped them become the warriors they were today. They had mutual respect for one another. He didn't have to say anything for him to know. 

Knowing they may need it, Skjor handed them all a bottle. Vilkas gave an easy smile, looking at it. Already, they could tell differences in him. A lot of differences. Looking at the bottle, he fingered the label. "It's actually more simple than it seems. I stopped at the Inn as soon as I got into Winterhold. It was late in the day, so I stayed the night. Went over the caves in the area, nothing new." 

He looked at them all in turn, they just nodded. It was a routine job.

Uncorking the bottle, he took a drink. "I went to the first cave I thought would hold promise. Lots of footprints, but the farther in I got, no lights... no sounds. Didn't seem right, then the smell hit me. Hit me too late."

Now, they all took a drink. Sitting next to him, Farkas was glued. He was clutching onto the bottle so tight, Vilkas feared he would break it. 

"Before I could turn and leave, three frost trolls charged me. I ran, hit the ice at the opening and started to slide. You all know the one, overlooks the ruins. Anyway, I pulled my sword and plunged it into the ice, trying to stop myself from going over the cliff. As soon as I did, my feet swung around on the ice and then I was facing them. One was right in front of me, it swung and got me in the chest full force. All I remember, was flying through the air... falling. Looking up at the damned thing and my sword, still stuck in the ice." 

Tipping the bottle, he drained it. Farkas looked like he was going to cry again.

"I was out for two days, or so I was told, anyway. When I woke up, there was a family of Khajiit looking after me... and..." 

He rubbed his beard, thinking about how to continue. Catching himself doing it without realizing, familiar pain flaring in his chest, remembering... his new habit was a reminder.

"An old woman was with them... a healer." He took a deep breath. 

"Evidently, one of the Khajiit had found me on his way to town, or from town. Brought me to her, she saved me."

Now everyone wore strange looks. He had to make the story hold water, he couldn't tell them too much for fear of giving her away. Skjor's eyebrows wrinkled up, "An old woman... Okay, was she in town? How come nobody sent word? Where was this old woman? And Khajiit? Other than a student or two at the college- "

Vilkas cut him off, he was trying not to get edgy. "Their son was a student at the college. I remember that, they were visiting him. That's why they were there. They knew the healer... I don't know Skjor, she lived out on the ice fields. It was secluded." Rubbing his hands through his damp hair.

Kodlak spoke up, raising his hands. He wanted this to be a calm talk, there was no need for upset. "The main thing is that you're alright. That's all that matters, Vilkas." 

Skjor nodded, "You're right, I'm sorry Vilkas. I wasn't trying to get... we were just worried. That's all. Look, I'm gonna go back upstairs, you can finish up in here." He turned to leave. Vilkas could tell he still had questions. Skjor wasn't one to be easily fooled. 

Kodlak reached over, laying a hand on his shoulder. "You've been through a lot. All that matters is that you're home, and you're well." 

Farkas stood, he knew they needed to talk. "Vilkas, I'll be in your room waiting. Okay?" He nodded, watching him leave.

Kodlak waited till the door to his sitting room closed. Thinking over how to handle the emotion that was overwhelming him, and what he could so easily feel coming off from the grown man sitting across from him, that was the closest thing he would ever have to a son. He and his brother both... they were like his own. He'd spilt his own tears while waiting for the word that didn't come. Wondering if he'd ever see him again. He needed to choose his words wisely.

He swallowed, taking a sip of his mead and setting the bottle down. "I know you're an adult, and you can do what you feel best, but... I'd like you to take some time before doing any jobs. When you do start back up, you should take Farkas with you." 

Vilkas nodded, looking down at the empty bottle he held. Kodlak's chin rested on his folded hands.

He watched him for a moment, "Farkas... he was so distraught. When he looked for you and came up empty, then got back and we still hadn't heard. I really feared for him Vilkas. It was like we had lost the both of you." 

Vilkas' eyes were welling up, his chest felt like a ton of stone weighed on it. 

His voice cracked, "Kodlak... when I was falling. I thought that was it. I thought I'd never see anyone, ever again. The thought that no one would know. Then to wake up to strangers. At first I was terrified. I feared over who had me, what they had planned. But... but then I realized I was safe. They saved me... she saved me." 

Kodlak watched him speak, the expression on his face, the weight of his words. When he'd come home, he was a man in mourning... not a man just thankful to be home. He recognized the pain Vilkas wore when he walked in that door yesterday. Any man that had ever loved and lost, wore the same mask. For whatever reason, Vilkas felt he needed to conceal it. He would trust it was for a good one.

When he was done saying what he dared to say, he looked up at the old man. He felt like a fool. Just looking at his face told him, he knew he wasn't telling all of it. He looked down at his hands again. Gods! How he wanted to share this with him. Share something so great, before he left for... well, that was another problem that weighed on them all.

Kodlak handed him another bottle. He laughed, taking it and pulling the cork. "I looked like I needed this huh?" The old man just smiled, opening his own. Both taking a drink, "Kodlak, there is something... something I want to tell you so bad." He was so torn, he knew he could trust Kodlak. But, he'd promised her. 

"Don't fret over it Vilkas." 

As soon as he spoke those words, his heart felt lighter. He could always calm him, from the time he was a small boy. Just being in his presence, this... this was the man that was his father. Blood or no. 

He smiled, a tear finding it's way out, trailed down his face. They drank together, in silence. Just sharing each other's company.

That alone, was worth more than he could ever say.

**********

After awhile, he went back to his room. Farkas was waiting with stew and bread. Evidently, he wasn't ready to share him with the rest of Jorvaskr yet. That was fine, he wasn't really ready to take on all the activity yet anyway. 

They finished eating and he walked over to the wardrobe, Farkas watched him with curious eyes. Unlocking the strongbox, he pulled out the pipe wrapped in the soft skin and the pouch of smoke. Going back to the table, he cleared a spot so he could clean what he took out of the pouch. Farkas looked happier than ever, they hadn't smoked together in an age. It would definitely lighten the mood. They could use some laughter.

He pushed the skins over to his brother, while he picked through the bud. "Open that, look at it. Its real old."

Carefully, Farkas opened the skins, revealing the bone pipe. The deep, round bowl bore beautiful engravings of the like he'd never seen. Up the curved stem was some sort of language, he looked at Vilkas. "It's beautiful. Where'd you get it?"

He took it, packing the bowl. "The woman that healed me gave it to me. It's a relic... she found it around Sarthaal. It's of the Snow Elves." 

He raised it to his lips, lighting with a stick from the fireplace. Holding it in, he almost choked just looking at the expression on his brother's face. Farkas looked like he was in shock. He handed it to him, and he took it, looking at it all over, feeling it. Taking a hit before it went out, he carefully passed it back. 

Both exhaling, "She gave something that old to you! That's... that's insane! That thing is worth so much, I don't even know. It's gotta be worth more than we'd ever see."

They smoked a bit more, talking about the pipe. He wanted to feel his brother out on the subject, see where the land laid. He knew he could trust him, he just wanted to take his time with it. Not load too much onto him after everything they'd just been through. 

He was starting to feel that he couldn't keep his promise to her. In fact, he knew he wouldn't be able to. 

This time, he'd take Farkas with him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He wasn't really lying when he said she was an old woman. ^-^


	21. A Change In Leadership

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Urag stood up, "Why did you even call us in here to discuss this, if you don't plan to take our feelings or opinions into consideration! What about Soahni! This is betrayal Savos! That's what this is! To the Nords and to her!"
> 
> Nirya stood up next to him, she was angry as well, but fought to contain her composure and spoke calmly. "The Nords will definitely take offense over this Arch-Mage. Do we not have enough to contend with? With that... that Thalmor here!"

**********

Casting his muffle spell, Ancano stood in the stairwell to the Arch-Mage's quarters... listening. Savos had called a staff meeting. 

Mirabelle of course was present, along with Urag and Tolfdir. Only two of the other scholars were there, Arniel and Nirya. Savos, much to everyone else's chagrin, had already filled Arniel in, as he would evidently be playing a key role in helping with his plans. Nirya, had been called in by Urag's request.

All but Arniel, seemed to be in complete shock at what he planned to do. 

Savos stood in front of them, seemingly oblivious to the expressions they all wore. "The excavation will begin tomorrow. This will be the biggest study the college has ever committed itself to. The biggest that we could find on any of the records anyway. Arniel, you will report everything to me. Understood?" Arniel nodded, he'd stayed up most of the night preparing. As far as he was concerned, they couldn't get to the opening fast enough.

Savos had gone down the day before, right after receiving news that Soahni had left. Of course, she'd buried her entryway. He'd been perturbed over that. They could've made faster headway, had they just been able to go in that way. No matter, he wanted the lower entrance opened up. It was larger and would make bringing things in and out much easier. He'd had the key all along. It had been gifted to the Arch-Mage, at that time, by a family member of the ones that had originally sealed it. 

Handed down from generation to generation. Finally when the only living remainder of their family planned to leave the area, they'd gifted it to the Arch-Mage. Of course, along with the key, had come the most strict instructions that it must remain sealed! That had been many, many centuries ago. Soahni had lived there peaceably with no problems. What could it hurt? 

Mirabelle was in complete disbelief! Even knowing he would be angry over her dispute, she could no longer hold her tongue. "I don't think this is very wise Savos! We are still working on our relations with the Nords. And now with the civil war taking place... " 

Even with seeing the red rising on the grey skin of his cheeks, she continued. "They are very protective of their heritage, their peoples history! I... I understand the historical importance of it as a study. But the historical importance of what it means to their people... this could cause more problems for us." 

Throwing her hands up, facing him! "Have you even taken that into consideration? Do you not care at all about preserving something so fragile, so sensitive- "

He was shaking, glaring at her. "Of course I have! And taking everything into consideration I don't think it will cause any problems that we can't handle. The benefits far outweigh any risks we will be met with. Perhaps you should remember your place! And remember who makes the decisions!" 

Everyone was staring at him as if he'd gone mad. Tempers were flaring, there had already been enough stress with the Thalmor Wizard there, now this. 

Urag stood up, "Why did you even call us in here to discuss this, if you don't plan to take our feelings or opinions into consideration! What about Soahni! This is betrayal Savos! That's what this is! To the Nords and to her!" 

Nirya stood up next to him, she was angry as well, but fought to contain her composure and spoke calmly. "The Nords will definitely take offense over this Arch-Mage. Do we not have enough to contend with? With that... that Thalmor here!"

Savos' fists were clenched at his sides, Arniel had gotten up and was now standing at his back. Tolfdir was in complete shock, none of them had ever witnessed such behavior. Savos had always thought of the college and it's members first. He had always been thorough and wise in his decision making. This wasn't like him at all.

Ancano's eyes grew with each outburst he heard, he was beside himself with excitement. Afraid he would giggle out loud, he held his hands over his mouth. Things were completely falling apart!

Savos was furious, "The Snow Elf is gone! She's gone, no longer our concern! And I will not tolerate any further dispute on this matter! This will take place, anyone that doesn't like it is free to leave the college! Dismissed!"

Very quickly, he cast an invisibility spell and hugged the wall. He would slip out as they left and none would be the wiser.

They filed past him, down the staircase. Too upset to notice any slight difference. Nirya, walking next to Urag, speaking low. "I think the college is due for a change in leadership!"

He walked out behind Mirabelle, who was last in line. Turning the corner, he quickly cast another spell. He'd wanted to stay and listen to Arniel and Savos, but without all the commotion, he was afraid he'd be noticed. 

He walked to his room, going over everything that he'd heard in his head. Not only had they known about her and hid her. But, past Arch-Mages and the like had been in on it as well. There was still so much he needed to learn, but with her gone it might prove to be quite difficult. He wondered where she had gone to, he had to know more! Now that things were stirred up, their guard would be down. That would give him the opportunity he needed to eavesdrop on more conversation.

For now, he would send a letter to Elenwen, requesting a meeting. He couldn't leave here and risk missing something. This was exactly what they needed right now! 

He wondered how Ulfric would feel if he knew the Nord's precious Sarthaal was going to be opened up by a college full of mages... being led by a Dunmer at that! He also wondered how he would feel, if he knew that not only was an untainted Snow Elf alive, but that she'd taken up residence in that very tomb! And that the college knew about it the entire time. 

He was quite sure Elenwen would see fit to make sure their little pet project knew all of it! Pouring his wine, just thinking about it, he laughed out loud. He would gladly help stir the pot. The more dissension they created here, the easier it would be for them to walk right in.

Sitting down with his wine, he got out a piece of parchment. Thinking over how to word it, he bent over it, quill at the ready. A single drop of blood hit the paper. Shocked, he backed away. Touching his hand to his nose, _What in all of Nirn!_ Shooting up from the chair, grabbing a cloth to blot it with. He cast a healing spell, it immediately stopped. How strange... he hadn't been sleeping well lately. Knowing it was all over all the frustration of being here, and then finding out about her! That had to be it. Too much on his mind, oh well... this would make all the difference.

This was worth all the trouble of being here. He couldn't wait! Getting a clean piece of parchment, he set about writing the letter. His courier would be by today. This was urgent. 

**********

Nirya accompanied Urag back to the Arcanium. Standing at his desk, she poured them some wine. "Urag, do you think we should send word to her? Should she know?" 

She felt horrible for her. Not only being forced away from all of them, but away from everything she knew. Soahni had been like a sister to her and Foralda both, she'd actually helped heal some of the bitterness between them. And she'd been a great mentor to many there as well. She missed her.

Sipping the wine, he shook his head. "No." He let out a deep sigh, "As much as it pains me to say this... she needs to stay as far away from here as possible."

**********

Arniel sat at the table with Savos, pouring over plans and books. They'd dug up everything they could, they were still missing the books that idiot Orthorn had taken. "I've sent word to the Companions to send that Dragon Born fellow back here. I have a little job planned for him, we need those books back! One in particular..." 

The Nord had decent magical ability and had expressed a desire to join. But before they could make any headway, he'd been called away on something to do with the war. Who better to handle this little bit of dirty work, than a warrior. Besides, he was respected and he was a Nord. If they had his backing, who would stand against them. 

He knew Soahni wouldn't be of any use. She'd be a problem. She'd never been in the main areas herself, she'd told him so. 

Suddenly, Savos stopped what he was doing and clutched his head with his hands. Arniel straightened up in his seat, watching him. "Savos, are you alright? Do you need- " 

A drop of blood hit the papers in front of him on the table. Arniel was up instantly, grabbing a cloth. Handing it to the Arch-Mage, he waved him off. "I'm fine... it's fine. I just haven't been sleeping well, nothing to be alarmed over." Taking a health potion from the shelf next to him, he drank it down.

He sat back in the seat, he needed to relax. "Arniel, would you be so kind as to get us a drink? I think that would help." 

He stared off into space, fingering the amulet around his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Even though Ancano is playing the part of the devious, power hungry prick that he is in the game, I still love his character. And Elenwen... well, she is going to play the role of her usual instigative self.**


	22. You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jobs near Falkreath, someone saw some Falmer, slinkin around a cave." He watched as the expression changed on his brother's face, wondering why. Maybe it was because he mentioned Winterhold, he definitely wasn't ready for jobs yet. He was still too shaken. He continued, "They're afraid they'll get too close to the town, so I'm gonna take Athis with me. Be good practice for him."
> 
> Vilkas nodded, "That it will be, too bad you're not taking Aela though. Having a bow comes in handy with those things."
> 
> They were too quiet for his liking. Losing their sight seemed to have given them the ears of a bat. It was almost like they could sense you coming. Either that or they could feel you coming through the stone. His brow furrowed, just thinking about what they'd become. To see one now, he knew he'd never look at one the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some time lapses here and there, just so you know.

**********

Every new sight and sound, had left her speechless... in awe. Her face was all eyes, her mouth in an O of wonder. Soriba and Fa'Sien were completely entertained just watching her take everything in. She'd read of all these things, spoken to members of the college of sights they'd seen. To see leaves of different colors, all the different animals that didn't live in the frozen weather that Winterhold was always in.

He and Soriba had been able to see things on the outside. Traveling periodically, seeing their family members that had sought life elsewhere. That, being how he'd actually met Soriba in the first place. 

He was born in the ruins, Soahni had helped his mother raise him. Only certain members of each generation had stayed. Soahni wouldn't have it any other way. She'd wanted them to have as good a life as possible, feeling guilty even over the ones that had given their word to stay with her. 

The Kidavi family was honorable. The reason for them being here, keeping her safe... it was honorable. Not one of them, would ever dishonor their great patriarch, his name... or their promise.

Fa'Sien had noticed both carriage drivers taking an interest in her, watching her gasp at everything she saw. Even with her hood partially concealing her face, he'd worried. Now, he felt he was seeing a real glimpse of the worry, Nahneh and Sinnir had dealt with daily.

Journals and stories had been handed down from generation to generation, of how long it had taken for them to finally feel safe going into town with her. Telling of many things over the centuries that had happened. Nahneh's twin son's that she had grown up with, telling tales of their adventures with her in the ruins. His admiration and respect for her was so immensely strong, but he also felt sympathy for her. He loved her and he would do anything for her, even kill for her.

He'd kept everything regarding her in a chest. Belongings of the ones closest to her, the only thing she kept on her, that she wore was Nahneh's moon amulet.

He'd also been told, by his great, great grandfather, that he knew Nahneh Kidavi had written a journal. No one had ever been able to find it. Somehow, it had been lost.

Having paid extra for a faster trip, they'd camped out only a few times. The drivers were exhausted, but they'd made good time getting them there. He didn't want to chance something happening out on the road. Seeing the place that would be their new home, all worries were forgotten. It was magnificent. Being able to see his brother and his family, being able to garden outside! A beautiful lake sat right across from the property, they'd be able to fish... without standing on the ice to do it! 

The place was massive. They would each have a room for themselves, without having to use the Nord's private room.

Evidently after purchasing the land, while the Nord and Ak'Soud were building, they began having constant run ins with bandits that occupied Pine Watch. A small, but cozy little home, right next to his property. He'd cleared it out and gave it to Ak'Soud, for his family to live in. His brother said the Nord wasn't even sure if it went with his property. But after doing so many jobs for the Jarl, and the fact that it was practically at his doorstep, he considered it his. No one dared to dispute him over it either.

After investigating every inch of the place, she and Soriba had set to unpacking. Ak'Soud's wife, Ajjan who was expecting, came over to help them. While his brother and Ajjan's brother, Mohg helped him with the heavier things. Soahni was completely elated. They'd only been newlyweds when she'd last seen them. Even though he and Soriba would venture out to visit here and there, once and awhile some would come to Winterhold to visit as well. 

To have little ones around again, she couldn't wait! Ajjan was relieved Soahni would be there as well, she'd helped deliver multiple cubs and her healing capabilities were unmatched. If there were complications, she couldn't ask for a better midwife. It wouldn't take long to get settled, many of the trunks were things that needed to stay packed. Those would be taken down to the cellar and stored. 

The males gathered for a rest, out on the deck off the larger of the bedrooms. His brother had already started making plans to start construction on a greenhouse, simply waiting for them to arrive to get started. They already had a large garden planted, but a greenhouse would allow for growing all year round. Ak'Soud came up the stairs, arms full of clay jars. A huge smile gracing his tiger striped face, he set them down on the table. "Sujamma, straight from Solstheim."

Fa'Sien gasped, "Solstheim! How in all of Nirn did you get hold of it?" 

Setting cups out for them all, "The Dragon born, he sails there. Last time he was there, he had ten cases shipped back with him. Five Sujamma and five Shein. He's good friends with all the Dunmer there." 

Opening a jar, he filled their cups. Fa'Sien brought the cup to his nose, his whiskers bristling as he smelled the wonderful aroma. He hadn't had this in years, it was so rare here.

His brother finally taking a seat, he raised his cup to toast. "To the Dragon born, for this wonderful home, his hospitality and to his excellent taste in drink!" Their cups all clinking together.

He couldn't believe their good fortune, they had all been blessed by the Gods. For a Nord to be so welcoming to their people, when most towns and cities wouldn't even allow them to enter. He was definitely a good man. 

This Nord, this Dragon born... with the way he was respected amongst his people. The influence he had... it made them feel there may be hope, not just for their people, but for Soahni as well. He didn't know about Soahni yet, but in time, and with the way he was so good to them, perhaps he would accept her. Possibly even help in their cause.

First sipping to savor it, he couldn't help now, but to take a long drawl of the smooth liquid. Mohg lifted the jar to refill their cups, Fa'Sien gulping down the last swallow before handing his over. "Maybe you will meet him soon, a courier stopped here yesterday, looking for him. This one sent him to Whiterun, he's there, doing something with the Companions."

Fa'Sien's eyes bulged, choking on the sujamma, blowing it all over the table. Bent over, grasping his throat, coughing. They stood, Ak'Soud clapping him firmly on the back. "Fa'Sien! will you be alright..."

Still coughing, his eyes teared up as he looked up at Mohg. "The Companions!"

Mohg's expression was complete confusion, as he looked between Ak'Soud and Fa'Sien. The realization of the problem hit his brother, putting his head in his hand for a moment. Then looking up at his brother-in-law. "Soahni is Falmer Mohg... the Companions..." 

After a moment, the Khajiit's eyes widened. Putting his hand to his mouth, he looked at Fa'Sien. "But Jorcun is such a good man Ak'Soud, do you really think he would hurt her? Mohg knows she needs to remain somewhat hidden, but after these many years..."

Fa'Sien looked at them both, concern etched all over his face. "Neither of you understand! We saved a Nord in Winterhold, just before we left." Grabbing the jar, he filled his cup and downed it. 

The other two looking on, "He'd been injured and was near death. Soahni healed him, nursed him back to health. They... they fell in love." He lowered his voice, looking around to make sure they were alone. "She gave herself to him. He was a Companion. He was a good man, promised to keep her a secret, but..." 

"Well, that is a good thing then. Isn't it?" They nodded to each other, looking back to Fa'Sien. He was shaking his head, "No. She promised him she would stay there, remain hidden."

Ak'Soud put a hand on his brother's shoulder, "It will work out Fa'Sien. This may be a good thing. Jorcun is good, and if she already has the backing of one of their faction... this may be the very start of the progress this land has ached for."

Jorcun was the best thing to happen to Skyrim in a very long time. Everyone loved him, no matter their side on things. Even dealing with the war, he was fair. Constantly working to forge peace between Ulfric and the Empire. Coming from an old bloodline, it pained him to see the land and it's people torn apart. Especially when the real enemy loomed just over their shoulder, waiting for things to get just weak enough for them to make their move.

Knowing Ulfric personally, he respected him and understood the pain the man had suffered. This being part of the motivation behind his actions. But, he was raised Imperial. He knew the reasons why they had made the decisions they'd made as well. He wouldn't stop trying, he'd vowed to bring this land back together no matter what it took. They were stronger together... united.

*********

Vilkas took Kodlak's advice. He wasn't strong enough yet to take on anything strenuous. Even though he looked healed, the injury had taken a heavy toll on his body and his mind. So many things had happened in just a short time. His brother was just now okay letting him out of his sight for periods of time. He'd had to make him leave the room the first few days just to use the chamber pot. 

There was no way that he was leaving Jorvaskr without him.

Fact was, he didn't know when he would be ready. He wasn't going to rush it. Over the years, he'd built up decent amount of coin. He wasn't hurting and neither were the Companions. Along with the whelps they had, plus the experienced members, they'd be able to keep things managed without his help for awhile. 

A knock at his door roused him, "It's open."

Farkas stepped in, closing the door behind him. Vilkas sat at the small table, stocking feet kicked up on the bed. He still hadn't gotten used to seeing him with a beard. He couldn't hide the smile coming to his lips, showing his teeth. Vilkas couldn't help but smile himself, the fact that Farkas found it so amusing... amused him. 

Vilkas wasn't the only one feeling he'd gotten a new start, a second chance. Farkas had opened up to him after he'd come back. About a lot. Telling him how even before he'd gone missing, he'd felt like he'd lost his brother. Vilkas had been so lost to his anger and grief. Most of it over the beast blood. Reclusive, never smiling, always angry. 

Now, he figured the beast blood would take care of itself. He knew he would be happier without it, and he wanted to find a cure for Kodlak. They were still searching. But he wasn't going to waste the time he had now, being angry over something he could do nothing about right now. 

Farkas sat down at the table with him, fully armored, sword slung on his back. "Jorcun asked me to take a job for him. He was gonna take it, but he got word from that college up in Winterhold, some mage stole some books or somethin. He's gotta go to some keep north of here an get em' back." 

"Alright, where's the job?" 

"Jobs near Falkreath, someone saw some Falmer, slinkin around a cave." He watched as the expression changed on his brother's face, wondering why. Maybe it was because he mentioned Winterhold, he definitely wasn't ready for jobs yet. He was still too shaken. He continued, "They're afraid they'll get too close to the town, so I'm gonna take Athis with me. Be good practice for him." 

Vilkas nodded, "That it will be, too bad you're not taking Aela though. Having a bow comes in handy with those things." 

They were too quiet for his liking. Losing their sight seemed to have given them the ears of a bat. It was almost like they could sense you coming. Either that or they could feel you coming through the stone. His brow furrowed, just thinking about what they'd become. To see one now, he knew he'd never look at one the same again.

"Will you be alright? I'll only be gone a day or two." 

He laughed, "Farkas, I'll be fine. I promise, I will be right here." He waved his arm, motioning to his surroundings. "Waiting for you when you return. You're the one needs to take care. Watch your back..." 

Getting up to leave, Farkas slapped his arm good naturedly. "I will, we'll have some of that Khajiit smoke when I do." 

He walked out, his pack and bedroll waiting on the floor by his brother's door. They'd catch the carriage to Falkreath, that'd be the quickest. 

**********

They got to Falkreath around noon. He knew the cave the Jarl had mentioned in the letter. They'd been called there before, but never for this. Usually it was bears or wolves. They hunted all over around it, finding some scattered tracks here and there, then went inside. 

They had definitely been there, but they weren't there now. Not a single one. A dead Nord lay in the corner, crumpled up in a heap. Falmer arrows sticking from his back. Some Falmer weaponry lay scattered on the floor of the cave. There wasn't the normal evidence showing they were living there, maybe they were just passing through.

He was actually a little shocked. This wasn't an area they'd ever seen them in. The fact they were this close to a town bothered him, evidently bothered the Jarl too. Enough to call on them anyway. Well, he wasn't going to hang out there all night, waiting to see if they'd come back. It looked like they'd moved on. Hopefully, back to wherever they'd come from. 

He slung the corpse over his shoulder, while Athis gathered the weapons and any other evidence they'd left behind. They'd take it back to town, show the Jarl. The old Altmer that kept the cemetery would give the poor guy a proper burial. 

He knew the Jarl would be bothered with the fact they hadn't found any, if it was his hometown he would feel the same. Just them showing up and checking the area, Siddgeir would have to pay the fee. He'd go over it with him when he got there. Maybe hang around for a night and look again tomorrow before heading for home.

By the time they got there and dealt with everything, it was dinner time. They'd agreed to hang around for a night, of course he knew Athis would head for The Drink. He had a thing for Narri, and she had a thing for any man that looked half way in her direction. Farkas liked the Inn keeper, but didn't care for Narri's constant attentions. She was nice, a little too nice. Not his type.

Besides that, Athis couldn't keep his trap shut when he was gettin laid. The whole Inn would know what was going on, he didn't care to be there to hear it, or to be seen leaving with him in the morning. Saying goodnight to the Dunmer, he caught the carriage. 

The driver agreeing to drop him at Jorcun's home. They'd agreed to meet back at the cave in the morning. He could stretch out and relax at Jorcun's. Sit by the fire, have some sujamma. Jorcun had told him where his stash was, maybe he'd have some smoke too. 

He had Khajiit that worked for him, downright good folk. And Ak'Soud's wife was an excellent cook too, Jorcun told him he was hooked on the food. Couldn't hang around too much though, with so many needing his help. He said he'd end up fat, if he was there too much.

It only took a few minutes to get there, short ride, good... he was tired. He hopped down off the back near the lake. Saying goodnight to the carriage driver, handing him some coin, he started the walk up.

**********

It had been a long day, but she was still too excited to be tired. They were isolated enough, she felt safe going without her hood. Letting the warm sun shine on her skin felt so good, her people were never meant to live in the shadows. Au-riel's light needed to touch all living things. 

Ajjan had made them stew for dinner. Pleasantly full, grabbing a bottle of wine and a cup, she headed outside. While checking out the Nord's tower, she'd spied the alter down below by the lake. The middle of summer, there was still enough light left in the sky. She headed down, stopping by the stone pillar to look up at the carvings.

It was amazing, and so old. As soon as she'd seen it, she knew she needed an up close look. Tomorrow, when the light was better, she would gather some thin parchment and charcoal stick and come down to do some rubbings.

She walked around it, the bottle dropping from her hand. Red wine splattering her robes as it shattered on the stones. Her mouth falling open, she couldn't move or speak. 

Standing right in front of her, she would swear, was the mirror image of Vilkas. Larger in build, longer hair, but it was him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shifting some of the events around a little. Savos wants the books and asks Jorcun to get them prior to Sarthaal's opening. He knows he will need the one book in particular. {Night of Tears} In the game however, that quest doesn't come up till after the tomb is opened.


	23. You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost  {Part Two}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was excited now, maybe she'd agree to see him. Maybe... the thought froze in his mind. She had stopped walking and was staring to the side of them, into the woods. He couldn't read the expression on her face. Her eyes huge, her mouth gaped open, quivering. Her hands were coming up to her mouth...
> 
> He looked into the trees surrounding the house and heard it, before he saw it. In one fluid movement, he had the broadsword in his hands and swung in a wide arc!

***********

She just stood there, gawking at him. He was beautiful, like a slightly different version of the man she ached for. When she did find she could speak, she wasn't sure what was wise to say. It was evident this man was Vilkas' brother. If he'd bothered to open up to her more, she would've known he was a twin. She just couldn't believe the difference in their sizes, even as big as Vilkas seemed to her. This man was like a giant in comparison.

She also realized she didn't have anything covering her head, her face. And if Vilkas was a Companion, she could only assume his brother was one as well. Another little bit of information that would've been nice to know. He'd only mentioned to her that his brother would be worried that he wasn't back yet. While not an admission that he was a Companion, she had to figure that to be the case.

And like her, he just stood there, staring back.

*********

He'd evidently startled her and he'd thought to apologize, until her appearance settled in. Then, all he could do was stand there like an idiot and take her in. He definitely wasn't prepared to see anyone other than the Khajiit that lived here, especially not a Mer. She was tiny, and so white... so white, that even in the fading light, the pink tinge around her eyes, nose and ears was evident.

She was so white, she almost seemed spectral. She was beautiful. Finally, after he'd collected himself, he cleared his throat. "Uh... hello. I'm... I'm Farkas." He pointed up to the manor house. "I'm a friend to the Dragon born... and a... a Companion. He owns this home." 

She just blinked, remaining silent. Noticing that she was here at the Alter, he didn't think she looked like she'd be the nefarious type, but it never hurt to check. 

He gestured to the Alter, "I ah, I'm not interrupting anything here, am I?" He smiled at her and laughed nervously.

At that, she broke into a smile. Shaking her head, she tore her eyes away from him and looked at the Alter. "Uh... no, no. Of course not." 

The most beautiful pink blush came over her face, she looked down for a second, then stepped forward with her hand extended to him. "I'm Soahni."

His huge hand, gently engulfed her tiny one. They just looked at each other for a moment, holding hands. Noticing the blush on her face and ears darkening, he snapped out of it and released her hand.

"I'm sort of an adopted family member to Ak'Soud and Ajjan. I just moved here with his brother, Fa'Sien and his wife, Soriba." She looked down at her feet, nervously. "The uh, the Dragonborn knows we are here. He gave his permission." Looking back into his icy eyes, "I don't want you to think we were taking advantage." 

He just smiled at her and shook his head, "That's okay, I figured he'd be okay with whatever... ah, I kind of planned to stay here tonight. I won't be intruding? Will I?"

She started walking toward the house, "Of course not, come on... " 

They walked up together, silently. Both lost in thought. Her mind swimming with all the new information she'd just obtained. The Dragonborn, friends with two Companions... Possibly a Companion himself? Maybe? Hmmm... Farkas... and Vilkas. Both named for wolves... remembering the wolf head on his armor. She looked to Farkas, his armor didn't have that. How interesting. 

He caught her looking at him, she smiled and quickly looked away. She'd already decided not to let him know that she knew his brother. Knowing the cat would be out of the bag soon enough. She would let him be the one to spill the beans to Vilkas. The way he kept eyeing her, and the fact that they all seemed to be in the same faction... 

She knew it would be just a matter of time before Vilkas was at her door again. And he would be upset. That was probably an understatement. But, she would deal with that when the time came. Right now, she wanted to get to know his brother. He seemed more open and easy going, perhaps they could even be friends. Time would tell.

***********

She seemed to be taken with him, the way she kept staring. But her blush told him she wasn't too forward, he liked the shyer, more quiet ones. A woman that left something to the imagination, something to be explored. That was what he liked, and she was so beautiful and petite. He preferred smaller, more delicate women. Hard to find in Nords, and she was smart. Her Mage robes were a dead give away to that, he knew most magic users were. 

Vilkas didn't care much for magic users, but he was intrigued by it. Sometimes a little scared by it, but still intrigued.

He was excited now, maybe she'd agree to see him. Maybe... the thought froze in his mind. She had stopped walking and was staring to the side of them, into the woods. He couldn't read the expression on her face. Her eyes huge, her mouth gaped open, quivering. Her hands were coming up to her mouth.

He looked into the trees surrounding the house and heard it, before he saw it. In one fluid movement, he had the broadsword in his hands and swung in a wide arc! Catching it mid-air as it leapt toward her, cutting it in half. Blood flew, splattering down his front. Eyeing what remained of the Falmer they'd been looking for, it had gone quite a ways from the cave they checked out. 

Scanning the trees around them for more, not seeing anything. He looked at her, to make sure she was alright. She lay limp, on the ground. Slinging his sword, he knelt down and checked her. She had fainted, looking at her robes, only a little blood spray had hit her. 

He'd been in the way, good thing too. He picked her up, cradling her, no heavier than carrying a child. If he hadn't been here, she may be dead. The thought of one of those things getting hold of her made him shudder. He walked the rest of the way to the house. 

**********

Soriba sat, with her back to the door. Listening to the crackle of the fire, her feet propped up, goblet of wine in her hand. Even with hearing the news about the Dragonborn and the Companions, she couldn't be upset. They hadn't told Soahni yet, no sense in upsetting the perfect day they'd had. They were all so happy just to be here. Enough bad news. 

Hearing the door open behind her, her voice drowsy. "So... what did you think of the Alter?" No answer.

Multiple smells hit her sensitive nose all at once. Blood... Male... Nord! Her eyes flew open, jumping from the chair, dropping the goblet she spun around! Instantly letting out a shriek! Her eyes darting around the room, she had no weapon on her. Hardly any magic capability, she extended her claws! 

Fa'Sien was at the small house with his brother. He had her, what could she do? 

***********

Still holding the little Mer, he spread out his hands best he could, trying to show he meant no harm. His back was against the door. "It's alright... I... I was helping her. She fainted..." 

Taking a minute to process what he said to her, she looked at him. Trying to see past the blood splatter on his face, he looked just like the Nord they had saved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Dragon born is a peacekeeper at heart, as am I. After playing the game so many times, I started hating to do the war quest. I love characters on both sides, and understood much of the reasoning behind both side's actions. And so got to the point that I just couldn't do it. If there was a way to work things out, I would try. I also have a thing for Ondolemar, so the thought of him being hurt bothered me. So, writing this story gives me a chance to do things the way I would in the game... if I could.


	24. Suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was still worried over the Falmer situation. Right before he'd went to bed, he told them. They needed to be on the lookout for another one. They were like ants. Where there was one, there would be more. You may not see them, but they were there. He'd never seen one alone, not really alone. Even if it had been a scout. If it was a scout, then there would definitely be more coming. And they would be close.
> 
> He warned them, no one should be outside alone, or without a weapon. And no one should be out at night!

***********

By the time he got the female Khajiit to calm down, and believe that he wasn't there to harm anyone, Ak'Soud came in with the male that was evidently her husband. Of course Ak'Soud backed him up, letting the others know who he was. 

Everyone finally relaxed a little more and they were introduced properly. He carried the Mer, Soahni, upstairs to one of the bedrooms and laid her down, his new acquaintance Soriba stayed with her.

He couldn't get over how protective everyone was of her, and they'd all acted so strange over who he was. Giving each other weird looks, being all quiet. He didn't understand... Ak'Soud had visited with him tons of times. Hell, Jorcun had thrown a couple of parties there and they'd all gotten shitfaced drunk together. They'd smoked together tons of times, that's how he found out the big cats could really purr. 

Ak'Soud had gotten Ajjan stoned once and then started messing with her ears. Just thinking about it could get him laughing. She'd purred so loud, everyone was holding their sides laughing, Jorcun had been on the floor. Of course that was before she was with child, they'd all been so baked, it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. That's why he couldn't understand why they were all acting the way they were now. 

Now it was like they had some sort of secret to keep.

_Oh well, maybe they were just being weird cause of the Falmer showing up on their property. That had to be it._

Ak'Soud and his brother Fa'Sien had walked down with him to look at the carcass. Well, what was left of the carcass. He could understand their upset, these were some of the foulest creatures. But they didn't just act like that was the reason. He assured them, this wasn't normal, he'd never seen one in this area before. 

He had wanted to burn it, but they'd forbade it. Saying Soahni would be upset enough, she didn't need to see the remains tomorrow.

He'd just been quiet and looked at them, there was definitely something goin on. He knew he wasn't known for being the smartest, but he could always tell when someone was keeping something from him. And he was going to find out what it was. 

He'd rolled up the carcass in some old skins and locked it up in the stalls. And then he went to Jorcun's room for the night, telling them he'd be gone with the remains by sun up. He had to take them to Siddgeir and collect Athis. 

Ak'Soud had given him a jar of the Sujamma to take with him, 'Ahh...' Sitting with his feet up, in front of the fireplace, pipe in one hand, jar of fine liquor in the other. What else could a man ask for, except maybe a fine looking little white elf to share it all with. 

He let out a deep sigh, that whole thing hadn't really worked out the way he'd thought it would. When did it ever though. Well, he could give it another go some other time, it didn't look like he'd have any other choice. The way they hovered over her, he wouldn't be able to get a second alone with her, so talking with her about what he wanted to was going to be out of the question. 

Taking a hit off the pipe, he thought about her expression, the way her face had looked while she looked at the Falmer. She didn't act like she'd ever seen one before. Granted some hadn't, but she hadn't just been scared, there was something else there. He just couldn't place it.

He finished up and got to bed, he had an early start and it was late.

***********

Soriba had gotten her stripped of the blood splattered clothing and got her into bed. It was so warm here, she wouldn't mess with the nighty. Like that mattered, she wouldn't feel the cold anyway, even if they were back in the snow. 

Taking a warm, wet rag, she wiped the little red dots off her white skin. When she did finally come to, all she did was stare into the wall... into nothing. Then the tears came, she knew they would. Soriba spoke to her quietly, consoling her, trying to get her to come back.

She'd never seen one. She had read about them, she'd been told about them by others that had seen. But to see it herself, nothing could have prepared her. It was a creature, a horrible... eyeless monster. Even without it's eyes, it hadn't noticed him... not at all. It had locked onto her, it had focused on her! Why? 

Startling Soriba, when she finally did speak. "That thing, that monster... had been one of my people?" 

She didn't understand, she couldn't believe it. That, that had once been an elf? How could that be? Tears ran from her eyes, red and irritated already, along with her nose. 

She turned to look at her, the Khajiit sat on the edge of the bed, petting her hair. "Soriba is so sorry Soahni."

"It had no eyes Soriba. It had no eyes, and yet... and yet, it came at me!" 

Soriba patted her, trying to calm her down. "They have good hearing, just from the loss of sight Soahni. That is all."

She shook her head, "No! You don't understand! He was closest to it, he was making noise, talking." 

She sat up, clutching the sheet. "It focused on me! It went past him and came at me!"

*********

He'd gotten up while they slept, gathered the corpse and left. He wanted to get this done and get back to Jorvaskr. Even though Jorcun would be gone awhile still, he was probably on his way to the college by now. The man worked fast, of course he had Lydia with him on this one. He hated dealing with Necromancers. Having some backup would make the job go that much easier and faster. 

He had to talk to Vilkas, he had to find out what was going on. He and Skjor had both been to Jorcun's home, they'd met the Khajiit there. They had been at every party he'd thrown, maybe they would know. 

Maybe they'd know what kind of Mer she was too. He couldn't get her out of his head, she was so beautiful, so exotic looking. Someone had to know.

And he was still worried over the Falmer situation. Right before he'd went to bed, he told them. They needed to be on the lookout for another one. They were like ants. Where there was one, there would be more. You may not see them, but they were there. He'd never seen one alone, not really alone. Even if it had been a scout. 

If it was a scout, then there would definitely be more coming. And they would be close.

He warned them, no one should be outside alone, or without a weapon. And no one should be out at night!


	25. Who's The She?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vilkas nudged his arm, raising his eyebrows at Skjor while he spoke to Farkas. "Who's the she... huh? That's the reason you went to Jorcun's and not The Drink, right."
> 
> They both laughed at the pink that was coming up into his cheeks. Laughing even harder now at his huge smile, ear to ear it was.
> 
> "Ah Ah, tell us, who is it?" Skjor loved teasing him, he was such a big kid sometimes.

********** 

After delivering the corpse to Siddgeir and collecting Athis, they'd caught the carriage to Whiterun. He'd thought about her the whole way. It wasn't just the fact that she was beautiful and perfect. There was something about her he just couldn't place, and for some reason he couldn't shake it. 

The whole night had seemed surreal, meeting her, then the Falmer, and how everyone had acted. Athis had rambled on and on about his night with Narri during the cart ride, he hadn't heard a single word of it. 

All he could think about, was unloading about everything once he got back home. He had to get some answers, then... then he wanted to make up some excuse to see her again.

Walking in, everyone was seated at the long table for mid-day meal. Vilkas raised a hand to him. He smiled, glad to see that his brother was actually wanting to be around everyone now. Leaving his armor on and dropping his gear by the door, he walked over, taking a seat next to Vilkas.

His eyes grazing over the food on the table. Turkey, Gods! he knew he could smell something good all the way outside. Grabbing a drumstick and a tankard, he settled in to eat.

Skjor spoke up from across the table, "Where's Athis? Didn't he go with you?"

Farkas nodded, swallowing his food. "Tired, spent the night with Narri." Not even trying to hide his grin, all eyes advertently went to Njada. A scowl covered her face, she glared at Farkas and pushed away from the table, stomping downstairs to the whelp's quarters. He just shook his head, lifting the tankard for a drink. 

Aela narrowed her eyes at him, "You had to say that! Why didn't you just keep him away from there!" Crossing her arms. 

He was completely unfazed, ripping another bite off the leg. "Just answerin the question, and nope, I didn't keep him away." 

He took another drink, washing down the turkey. Vilkas just sat quietly, listening to the exchange. This was new to him.

Farkas sat back and looked at her, "First, I'm not his keeper. He's a grown man, Mer, whatever... you know what I mean. Second, I'm not lyin for anyone!" 

He eyed the leg and took another bite, speaking while he chewed. "Njada knew before he bedded her that he'd never be able to keep it in his breech. He knew it too! That's their problem, not mine!" 

Aela got up, regardless of how she felt over Njada's hurt feelings, she knew he was right. She'd go make sure no one got killed, particularly Athis.

Vilkas leaned in closer to Farkas, his voice lowered. "I take it that happened while I was gone?" His brother just nodded.

Farkas tossed a few coin bags to Skjor, "How'd the job go? Actually find any?" 

He finished off the ale. Wiping his hand across his mouth, "Yup, but not where they said they were. Found a dead Nord, a few tracks and some Falmer weapons. Took the Nord back to Siddgear, along with the evidence. He wanted us to hang around, so Athis stayed at The Drink and I went to Jorcun's. That's where I found it."

Vilkas and Skjor both had their elbows on the table, hands clasped under their chins, listening to him.

"I figured I'd go there, stay the night... it wasn't too far from the cave. I sure didn't plan to stay at The Drink, not with them two together. We planned to meet back up in the morning and do another sweep."

Reaching over, he grabbed the pitcher to fill his tankard. "There was only one, funny... the whole situation wasn't right." He took a drink and sat, looking down into it... thinking. 

Skjor lowered a hand, grabbing his drink. "What do you mean, wasn't right."

"Well, I was the one talking, she was completely quiet. The damned thing was closest to me, coming from the woods... and it just, went at her. Right past me, like I wasn't even there. If I hadn't been there, she'd be dead."

Both men were grinning at him now, not really caring about the Falmer story.

Vilkas nudged his arm, raising his eyebrows at Skjor while he spoke to Farkas. "Who's the she... huh? That's the reason you went to Jorcun's and not The Drink, right?" 

They both laughed at the pink that was coming up into his cheeks. Laughing even harder now at his huge smile, ear to ear it was. 

"Ah Ah, tell us, who is it?" Skjor loved teasing him, he was such a big kid sometimes. 

Taking a drink, feeling the heat coming off his face, "Well first, I didn't know she was there, I never met her before. She's there with some of Ak'Soud's family members. She said Jorcun knows all about it." 

Skjor wrinkled up his face, "She's a cat? You're all worked up over a big pussy?" He was doubled over now. Vilkas' hand was at his mouth, trying to hold his ale in. 

Farkas just rolled his eyes, letting them whoop it up. "Whenever you're all done... She's not a cat, she just happens to be the most beautiful, little white Mer I've ever seen. And she couldn't keep her eyes off me!"

Skjor was laughing even harder now, "You been smokin too much Farkas! Little white Mer!" Slapping the table with his hand.

Vilkas stared at him, his smile gone, his mouth dropped open. Every other sound had faded away until all he could hear was what his brother was saying and his heart, pounding in his chest. His throat was tight, he felt like getting any air at all was a struggle. 

The Falmer... the Falmer had gone for her... 

Grabbing his brother's arm in a tight grip, his voice so low he could barely hear it himself. "What... what was her name?" 

Farkas turned to him, "What?"

"What was her name, Farkas."

His eyes had that far away look again, the same look he'd had when he got back that day. Skjor was quiet now, watching them. "Soahni... Vilkas! What's wrong!" 

He could literally see the red, moving up his brother's face. His expression shifting between fear, pain and rage. He grabbed Farkas' shoulder plate and stood up, pulling him from the table. Moving toward the stairs, "Vilkas! By oblivion! What is wrong!" He was stumbling behind him. 

Vilkas let go and turned to him, "We're going to Jorcun's, NOW! I'm going down to grab my gear, wait here for me!"

Skjor walked up to stand beside Farkas, they both watched as Vilkas jumped down the stairs, skipping them all and then slammed through the door.

Running to his room, he grabbed his pack, stuffing a set of clothing into it. He stopped for a moment breathing, he had to think. He didn't want to think! Going to the corner, he picked up the new set of wolf armor Eorlund had made for him and started getting it on.

Farkas waited by the door, gear on his back. He wouldn't ask, he wanted to, but he knew Vilkas wouldn't tell him. At least not till they were alone. There was something bad wrong. 

Vilkas ran up the stairs, slinging his new broadsword onto his back, pack in his hand. Moving past Skjor, not even glancing at him. He yelled behind him, "We'll be back!" And pushed Farkas out the door.

************

They'd practically ran to the stables. He couldn't read his brother's face at all. Keeping his eyes on him, while they rode. A constant shift of emotion in his expressions, one minute he'd look like he would break down, the next he was seething with rage. Keeping the horses at fast trot, they couldn't run them the whole way, they'd be exhausted.

"Vilkas, what is going on! Why won't you talk to me... Please!"

Vilkas just shook his head, his voice was broken. "I can't Farkas, I just can't." He took a deep breath, "You'll know soon enough..."

He dug his heels into the horse, picking up speed. They would be there soon now, it was taking everything he had to reign it in. Knowing as soon as he saw her, all his effort would be for naught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I simply can't resist having some kind of involvement between Athis and Njada**
> 
> Don't want anyone to freak out here, over the twins. I won't go tearing them apart, after just getting their relationship super close again. But where would we be without drama...


	26. Does This Look Like Winterhold?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He almost laughed! She was all heart, and no ass to back it up with! Well, unless she used that magic all her kind seemed to be so blessed with.
> 
> _That,_ _that_ would be the ass she could back it up with right there. But she wouldn't use that on him. He knew she wouldn't.

***********

The sun was getting low in the sky. They had all gathered on the massive deck off the side of the main house, having drinks, waiting for Fa'Sien's soup to finish cooking. Soahni sat with her feet propped up on Mohg's lap, sipping on Sujamma. She could understand why people favored this over wine, it had the smoothest taste ever and it didn't take much to get you feeling good. 

The only regret Ajjan had about her pregnant time, was not being able to indulge in drink. She'd never been a big smoker, but she enjoyed drink. As it was, she was allowed one glass of wine a day, and that was it. Good for the heart and blood, but not too much to hurt the cub. She would get used to it, she'd be nursing for quite awhile anyway and wouldn't be able to drink then either.

Nursing her second glass, almost to the bottom, she could feel the heat coming off her ears. The autumn breeze was blowing softly through her hair. It was so nice not to be so concealed, to be able to go without a hood. 

She had pulled out her lighter robes and enchanted them, this way she would have the same effects without her hood. If she decided to wear it, it would be that much stronger. She smiled, taking another sip and reaching up to finger the moon amulet under her robes.

Ever since the attack, she'd felt that something was different. Not really ominous, but something profound was going to happen. She didn't know what it was yet, but she didn't fear it. She was at ease with it, almost as if she was being guided...

She looked out over the lake, watching the sun sparkle on the water. She could hear horses hooves, pounding on the stone of the road near the house. She sat up, taking her feet off the Khajiit's lap. Everyone could hear the horses, their ears being just as sensitive as hers and they could feel the tension coming off of her. They all stood and looked down the hill, toward the Alter.

Two riders, "Oh Gods!" It was him. 

Fa'Sien and Soriba came up next to her, "Do you wish us to stay, Soahni?" 

Her heart was pounding in her chest, she'd had two glasses of drink and was already feeling the effect of the liquid courage. Her ears were dark pink. 

"No, you don't have to leave... just, give us some privacy. I don't fear him."

Slowing from their gallop, they trotted to the stables, right past the deck. His face looked like it was carved from stone, he glanced at her from the corner of his eyes as they rode by. Farkas, just seemed to watch his brother, concern ruling his expression.

Already, she was seeing more differences between them.

The Khajiit all went inside, they would continue their visit in Jorcun's weaponry and listen for trouble, just in case she needed them.

She took a deep breath and leaned her backside against the railing, crossing her arms. She wouldn't watch them walk from the stables, she refused to let him think that she was worried over him showing up! She listened to them, as they walked through the leaves up to the stairs.

She knew what was coming, and she would not be pushed around! She watched as his head came into view, his brother close behind. Taking in his livid expression, the farther he got up the steps. The more nonchalant she looked, the more angry he looked. He stalked up to her, stopping just a few feet away. Looking at the scowl on his face, she set her own jaw and locked her arms into each other. 

Farkas just stood to the side, looking between them, total confusion in his eyes. She felt bad for him, but there was nothing she could do right now. She would apologize later.

He wanted to wipe this look off his face, he wanted to pull her into his arms and crush her in his embrace! But he was too angry, he was too hurt. She lied to him! She lied to him, to get him to leave without concern... knowing full well she planned to do just the opposite. He wasn't about to let it go!

His hands came out, motioning to his surroundings in frustration! "This doesn't look like Winterhold to me!"

She stepped away from the railing, her hands coming down into fists at her sides. The top of her hair had been braided, pulled back away from her face. She looked even more adorable, glaring up at him the way she was. Her ears were all pink and he could swear, that they were actually pinning back to her head. 

He couldn't believe it! No matter how mad he wanted to be at her, just looking at her, he was faltering. He was determined not to cave, she had to know how wrong what she had done was! And how upset he was, how it made him feel!

She actually leaned forward when she spoke, "That's because it's not! I have a right to be here, Vilkas! The Dragonborn gave his approval!" 

He was absolutely boiling now... and yelling. "He didn't give his approval to a Falmer! _I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT SOAHNI!"_

He turned away, holding his fingers to his temples, trying to reign it in. All the rage and hurt wanting to burst out of him, his hands were shaking. He turned back to her, taking her in. She was shaking, her eyebrows gathered, she was actually baring her teeth at him. 

Farkas stood there, his eyes were huge, his mouth open. He looked between them, he could barely process what was happening... what he was hearing. And just looking at her, regardless of how angry she was, it was like looking at a mouse... a mouse trying to stare down a sabre cat. 

She stomped her foot in the stone floor of the deck. Clenching her fists so hard that her nails cut into her flesh. _"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"_ Damn her eyes, tears were threatening to come and she would not allow it! She would not appear weak!

"You can't tell me what to do! You- " 

He cut her off, edging closer to her, looking down at her. "You lied to me! You promised me that you would stay safe! Look at you..." Gesturing at her head, "No hood! You leave the safety of the ruin, then just to throw caution to the wind! Anyone could see you! Anyone!" 

Now throwing a finger up at his brother, "He saw you! What if it hadn't been my brother! Did you ever think about that!" 

Farkas actually jumped when the finger came up towards him! He wasn't sure what to think, except that he didn't want to be in the middle of it. 

Shaking her head at him, "I'll not stay hidden, I'll not! I've lived in that prison long enough! And not you, nor anyone else will ever make me go back!" 

She stepped back, putting her hands on her hips, her jaw set. Her head raised defiantly, she was livid, especially at his use of her race! _"Do you understand that! COMPANION!"_ She enunciated it, just for effect. 

He almost laughed! She was all heart, and no ass to back it up with! Well, unless she used that magic all her kind seemed to be so blessed with. _That,_ _that_ would be the ass she could back it up with right there. But she wouldn't use that on him. He knew she wouldn't.

He turned away again, he couldn't even look at her! He wanted to laugh, she didn't look mean at all, she looked sweet and adorable and kissable. He couldn't believe what she did to his resolve. He put his hand up to his mouth, shielding the smile that he couldn't control. 

He turned back toward her, big mistake. Just looking at her, he lost it and started to laugh under his hand. Then he looked at Farkas, another huge mistake, the look of absolute confusion on his brother's face broke him. He held his stomach, laughing out loud. 

Both of them looked on, as if he were insane.

Now the tears came, she was so angry and he was laughing at her! She went to move past him, she had to get away, before she broke down! He lunged and grabbed at her waist, trying to hold her. Bringing up just a finger, she zapped him! Bright blue sparks flew off his steel gauntlet!

He yelped and backed away. "You just shocked me!" An incredulous look covered his face! She darted away, with him on her heels. He grabbed her, pinning her around the waist. Her back to him, her front against the railing.

She pulled at his hands, struggling. Tears ran down her face, "LET ME GO!" 

All the Khajiit in the house were plastered to the doors, listening. As soon as he heard her cry out, Fa'Sien had grabbed at the handle to go outside, Soriba stopped him. She shook her head, whispering. "They need to work it out, leave them... " His face was pained, "He won't hurt her Fa'Sien." 

She was sobbing, he turned her around, holding her upper arms. "Soahni stop, please... I don't want to fight." 

She stopped struggling, moving an arm around her, he pulled her in to him. His hand coming up to her chin, lifting her head so he could look into her face. She felt so good, he had longed to feel her against him so badly. 

"I just want you safe... don't you understand? I love you, Soahni."

He could swear, her sky blue eyes were looking straight into his soul. Her face was soaked from tears, her mouth quivering, voice cracking. "I love you... " 

She shoved her face into his chest, and sobbed. Her soft voice, muffled against his armor. "I didn't want you to go, but I couldn't stay there anymore..."

**********

They had completely forgotten about Farkas even being there. He stood just a few feet from them, now leaning against the table. Watching and listening, the fact that his brother loved this Mer, stabbing him in the chest. He realized he'd just met her, didn't love her, but... he was drawn to her in a way, that he had never been drawn to anyone else before. Just her presence... his wolf, everything in him wanted her. 

But... he loved his brother more than life, he would die for him if he had to. And he wanted him to be happy, he seemed so happy, for the first time ever. And their relationship was closer, than it had ever been. 

But now, his brother loving this woman... this woman he wanted as well. That meant, he would have to be around her... and be unable to have her. Or, it meant leaving his brother, to escape his feelings.

He couldn't leave his brother, not when he'd just gotten him back.

He watched him hold her... He needed alcohol, and lots of it.


	27. Overload

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Mer... this Mer had saved his brother.  
> His head was spinning, his heart was clenched up. It was too much... too much. He couldn't even wrap his mind around it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I feel the need to say that I pretty much had the whole plot for this story thought out, prior to writing. So I'm not flying by the seat of my pants here. I got some feedback from a friend, that things seemed too easy in the last chapter. It may seem that way, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. My answer to that is, wait till the next chapter.
> 
> Their whole relationship is steeped in complication, simply being who they are and everything that entails. Vilkas' personality just seems to exacerbate the whole situation as well, where as his brother doesn't overthink things... he simply feels and acts. {Not that he doesn't think at all, he doesn't brood over everything.} I love them both, so no fear, there will be happiness at some point for all. But at a cost... not cheap. We seem to complicate things ourselves, they are no different.

**

Inside the house, in the front room, they sat around the firepit and toasted. 

Vilkas had removed his armor, wearing just his tunic and leggings. Farkas left his on. Holding their goblets, while he held a jar. The only ones noticing, were the Khajiit. Especially Ak'Soud. He knew Farkas. He knew all was not well with the big Nord. Other than Jorcun, Farkas was the most easy going Nord he'd ever met, and he was _always_ the life of the party. This wasn't like him at all. 

Fa'Sien and Soriba sat with the other Khajiit, listening and watching. Pretty soon, they were all just watching Farkas. While they were on their second goblet, he was on his second jar. His massive hand, enclosed around the jar. Watching them, her on his brother's lap. 

It was becoming more and more evident as the Khajiit watched his expression, or lack there of, that he probably didn't know anything. 

The big man's expression, literally unchanging, as he heard the entire story. His brother was so engrossed in being back with Soahni, that he was completely oblivious to his brother and how he seemed to be handling everything... or not handling it.

They all exchanged concerned looks, this couldn't have been handled more poorly. They didn't know what to say, how to intervene, or even if they should at this point.

He would raise the jar, and lower it, seemingly unfazed by the fact that she was Falmer... where they had been... what all had happened. His eyebrows gave a slight twitch every time they kissed or caressed. 

His eyes watering, he suddenly stood, swaying on his feet. His speech slurred, "I've... gotta get... some air."

He staggered to the front door, his shoulder hitting the framework as he pushed through. Leaning his back against the door, the cool night air hitting him, he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. 

Pushing away from the door, he made his way to the side of the house, still clutching the jar. He grabbed the railing and climbed the steps, rebounding off the railing to the stone wall, back and forth. Once at the top, he leaned on the railing, looking out at the trees, not seeing them at all. 

This Mer... this Mer had saved his brother.

His head was spinning, his heart was clenched up. It was too much... too much. He couldn't even wrap his mind around it.

The last of her kind, she had to be kept a secret. Jorcun would find out, there would be no way to keep it from him. Then what? What would happen then? Vilkas would want to stay with her! He knew he would! How could they both leave Jorvaskr, Kodlak was dying. They were still searching for the lost pieces of Wuthraad. Jorcun had been talking with Kodlak, trying to find the cure.

He couldn't leave his brother, he just couldn't! And her... he'd have to be here too, he'd have to see them together. Tears flowed down his face, hitting his hands, leaving dark spots on the wood railing. 

Part of him wanted to get down onto his knees and thank her for saving him. 

He wanted to get her out of his head. Her face, the feel of her hand... her scent. How she'd felt, while he carried her back to the house, after saving her from the Falmer. He'd wanted so badly to come back here and see her. Now, all he wanted was to get away. Because what he wanted, would tear apart everything that he loved. Everything he held dear. He let out a silent sob, one hand gripping the railing, the other still clutched around the jar. 

He staggered backwards, the wooden table seat hitting the backs of his legs, his ass went down, landing on it hard. He raised the jar to his mouth, the smooth liquid pouring over the sides, running down his neck and over his armor.

He looked up at the moons, both full, and so close, it almost seemed he could reach out and touch them. Dropping the jar, he stood, grabbing the railing, he held on and looked up to them, letting the moon's glow wash over him. Almost instantly, he felt too big for his armor, the ache in his loins increasing, he was heating up, sweating. 

He had to get away from the house. He stumbled to the stairs, one foot catching on the other and went down head first, the ground coming up to meet him. The need to get away, consuming him.

Getting to his knees, he reached over and finding purchase on the stone wall, he got to his feet. He headed for the Alter, stripping away each piece as he staggered down the hill. Leaving a trail of armor and clothing behind him, no sword, that was in the house. He stood at the Alter, naked... his skin bathed in moonlight. 

Sweat ran down his body in rivulets as he crouched down. His breathing came out in pants, deeper and deeper. His mouth open, blood mixing with saliva, running from his lower lip in strings as his fangs pushed through. Blood dripping from his fingertips and toes, as razor sharp claws replaced his nails.

 _Oh Gods, the pain... so good, so sweet._ He hadn't transformed in so long, he'd almost forgotten the feel. There was always pain, but such a good pain, enough to give him an erection each time. His wolf lusted for this... lusted for it.

He groaned as the ligaments and tendons in his body stretched, elongating as his limbs lengthened and grew. His skin rippled as the fur pushed it's way out, the bones in his face reshaping. He shook his massive body, hair flying around him to and fro. 

His yellow eyes looking up at the moons longingly, he howled. 

The pain was gone. All that mattered now, was the hunt.

**

The wolf's howl was so loud, everyone couldn't help but take notice. It sounded like it was right there in the room with them. Vilkas shot up in the chair, his eyes wide. Everyone was at attention now. He looked across the room, Farkas was gone. He hadn't even noticed. He groaned out, "Oh Gods!!" 

Fa'Sien looked at him, "Your brother went outside... there is a wolf!" 

He quickly moved her from his lap and stood. Farkas' sword leaned against the door frame. He bolted for the door with everyone on his heels! He ran out, looking around, he couldn't see him. Looking in the stables, both horses, still there. His stomach was churning, his heart clenched up in fear, praying to the Gods in his head. 'Please... please don't let this happen... not here!' 

He already knew, it was too late.

He ran to the steps, vaulting them. At the top, he looked around, panicked... he was no where! Putting his hands up to cup his mouth, he yelled. "FAARKAAASS!!" 

Kneeling, he picked up the empty jar, setting it down on the table. Fa'Sien and Ak'Soud both, grabbed lanterns, "Look! Below... one of his gauntlets!" 

He completely cringed inside, Soahni's hands flew to her mouth. "The Falmer! We need to find him, what if they..." 

His hand on her shoulder cut her off, "It's not the Falmer..." 

"What!, How do you..." 

Fa'Sien raised a hand to her, stopping her. He and his brother, sharing worried glances. He turned to Soriba and Ajjan, "Go back inside, wait for us there!" She nodded, going to the door.

Vilkas walked down the steps and picked up his brother's gauntlet, holding it. He looked down the hill at the trail of discarded armor and clothing, and headed toward the Alter, picking up each piece as he walked. It looked as though their own secret, was no more.

They followed behind him, silent...

Getting to the Alter, his arms full. He laid his brother's things on the top of it, looking up at the two moons. He felt the longing inside of him, strong as ever... pulling at him. He looked away, taking a deep breath, he looked down at his feet. Small pools of blood and saliva, in the dirt from his transformation. Looking out at the night, his voice a whisper. "Farkas..."

He wanted to weep, he couldn't be angry. This had been too much... too much. He hadn't thought about him at all, how all of this would effect him. He'd been so caught up in being able to see her.

He could only hope and pray that he was alright, that he would make it back okay. Then, he would talk with him... help him through this.

He turned, looking at the Khajiit's faces. He didn't have to say anything, they knew. He could tell by the looks their eyes held. They knew...

Moving to take her hand, "Come on, lets get back to the house."

She pulled back. She wanted to cry, he had saved her! How could they just abandon him, to whatever had happened!

"But, but, what about.." Fa'Sien shook his head at her, she quieted and followed Vilkas, taking his hand. She spared a glance back to the Alter, his armor and clothing piled on it. She prayed to Au-riel that he was alright. Vilkas and the others seemed to know something, but wouldn't tell her! She would find out. She had to.

They headed inside, all deciding it was best to stay together tonight. They all settled in, it was late.

**********

Out in the forest, they gathered... eyeless, silent, listening... 

Hearing the doors close, they would wait till they slept, then... only then, would it be safe. They had to investigate, her scent was everywhere. 

They had to get closer to the dwelling...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Soahni seems a little oblivious about what everybody else knows, but even with her age, she's not as worldly as the others.  
> **Also, I didn't feel the need to write a bunch of hype around them declaring themselves to each other in the last chapter. They both knew it already, even unspoken. It was simply pigheadedness and them over complicating things that made them feel they couldn't say it to begin with.


	28. On The Outside, Looking In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had dozed fitfully, his mind constantly on the move. A soft scratching noise made his eyes open. He listened... it had stopped. His mind dismissing it. It was probably nothing more than a squirrel... some critter outside. The house was nestled into the woods a bit after all. He'd been there many a night, it was nothing to get riled over. He lay there, looking at the ceiling again, deep in thought. The scratching noise came again... louder, more persistent.
> 
> His eyes widened, he allowed his senses to zero in on it...

**

The transformation had burnt all of the alcohol out of his system. It always did. He needed to unleash all his pent up feelings, and like this, he could do that without a second's thought. He could release fury and rage, anything that troubled him, with teeth and claws, ferocity. He could find those that deserved this kind of punishment, seek them out and deliver it!

He hadn't allowed himself this in so long, he'd forgotten how free it made him feel. 

Bearing down on the camp of bandits, he slaughtered every single one and then gorged himself on their flesh. Rolling in their remains, covered in blood and bits of gore, with his massive arms spread wide, claws extended, he roared into the moonlit sky. 

He didn't want to think about the reason he'd done what he'd done. He didn't want to think about the shame that he would feel over it, until tomorrow, when he was Farkas again. He could deal with that then.

For some reason, he still felt the need to go back. It kept pulling at him. Something didn't set right. He'd stay in wolf form and go back. He'd real quietly, have a look around, then he'd feel okay to run for the rest of the night. He wanted to make sure they were all right.

**

They'd all gone back into the main house. Everyone was upset, and quiet. He could tell they all had questions, especially her. He could also tell that they all knew how sensitive what had just happened was, and they were trying to give him some time to cope with it. 

He didn't know what would happen tomorrow, when Farkas returned. _If_ he returned. He knew his brother. He knew that he would feel bad about losing control. He may just go back to Whiterun and use the back entrance. They'd done that many times. Sneak in through the Underforge, they usually had left their clothing or some extra leggings and a breech there just in case. 

Neither of them had transformed in so long. They'd both agreed together, when Kodlak started looking for the cure, that they would withhold. Abstaining was the hardest when they were under a lot of emotional stress.

Which was why _he_ struggled more than his brother and Kodlak. He knew with just his nature, the fact that he was how he was, made everything harder on himself. And he'd caught crap over it from the time he was a lad. He couldn't help how he was, he didn't know any other way. 

But Farkas was easy going, he didn't overthink everything. Shit, he didn't overthink anything! He just seemed to move naturally, completely flow with whatever happened. He rarely got upset over anything. 

That's why he'd been such a natural when it came to the beast blood. And, he'd been able to give it up easier than them. He'd never told Farkas this, but he'd always envied that about him. He wished so many times, that he could be like him. Just let it all go and be happy. Free.

That made him feel even worse. He knew Farkas had to be so distraught over everything that was happening, on top of all that had already happened. 'Gods! how could he have been so oblivious to his brother... after they'd just gone through so much!' 

They went into the room she'd chosen. She could tell, just by the look in his eyes, he was far away. Thinking about his brother. He sat down on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his hair, he let out a deep breath.

She wouldn't question him, she knew he needed his space... his time to deal with it. He would talk to her about it, when he was done mulling it over. More like brooding over it. Even with him opening up to her about his feelings, showing her open affection in front of everyone earlier. Which was probably a feat for him. Showed her how much, he really cared... how much she actually meant to him.

But, she could still see how complex of a man he was. He struggled over everything... making so much more out of every feeling than he needed to. 

Of course, there was a lot she didn't know. She knew... And why? Because he hadn't shared it with her... why! Because he was a closed up, pigheaded, mule of a man! Just like she'd said to herself, when she'd first gotten to converse with him. She would hold to that, until her dying day.

Going over to the wardrobe, she pulled out a nighty and went to the bathing room to change. Thankful, that everyone else was already settled. She didn't want to have to try and answer questions that she had no answers to. If the truth be told... they all probably knew more than she did. That was usually the case.

Walking back into the room, he was still in the same spot on the bed. He hadn't moved. Walking up to him, she moved in between his knees and wrapped her arms around his head and shoulders, holding him to her. She knew he needed comfort. Whether or not he would accept it, was another thing entirely. 

Whispering into his hair, "Come to bed... we need to rest." 

She didn't wait for a reply, she let loose of him and got into bed, holding the blankets open for him. After a few minutes, he got up, pulled off his tunic and leggings and climbed in next to her. 

Laying flat on his back, he stared into the ceiling. All he could think about earlier, was how much he wanted to make love to her again. How wonderful it was to feel her next to him. To be with her. Now... sex was the farthest thing from his list of wants. 

He wanted his brother back. He wanted to make things right... She snuggled next to him, watching him. Wrapping an arm around her, he held her until she fell asleep.

***********

He had dozed fitfully, his mind constantly on the move. A soft scratching noise made his eyes open. He listened... it had stopped. His mind dismissing it. It was probably nothing more than a squirrel... some critter outside. The house was nestled into the woods a bit after all. He'd been there many a night, it was nothing to get riled over. He lay there, looking at the ceiling again, deep in thought. The scratching noise came again... louder, more persistent.

His eyes widened, he allowed his senses to zero in on it... 

It was definitely outside, whatever it was. He looked over to her, she was out. Probably everyone was. After all the alcohol they'd all consumed and the stress. His blood was the only reason he didn't sleep. 

Very carefully, he moved away from her and stood, covering her back up. Grabbing his bottoms, he tiptoed into the hall and closed her door. Pulling the leggings on, he walked toward the entryway and grabbed his brother's sword from the door frame. He just wanted to have a look around. That was all. 

He thought about going out the front door, then after thinking over it, the balcony would offer him a better vantage point... he'd be able to see all around him. If there was trouble, he'd see it coming and have time to deal with it, or get back inside quickly. He climbed up the stairs and went outside.

***********

The closer he got to Jorcun's house, the more he'd felt the need to hurry. Like it was the most important thing ever... life and death. As soon as he got to the stone road, just at the edge of the woods. The need to be silent completely overtook him. Slowing to almost a crawl on all fours, he hugged the ground. The most ominous feeling washed through him... like a force, crushing down onto him. Complete dread.

His hackles raised... the whole ridge down his back, all the way to his tail, stood at attention! He forced the growl that threatened to escape down. The scent... it was all around him. It was all he could smell. Instinctively, his ears attempted to pin themselves back to his head, he forced them up. He had to hear! His mouth open, the scent flowing over his tongue. Drops of saliva fell onto the leaves. 

He had to remain still and listen.

He watched... finally, seeing movement near the house. They blended into the night, into the stones. A sick feeling moved into his guts... his chest tightened. More movement... coming from the house, the roof. 

His eyes darted around, locking onto each one... counting them.


	29. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The balcony doors opened... and Vilkas walked out.
> 
> Every hair on him bristled... for a split second, all the Falmer froze. Vilkas was bare chested, barefooted and he held his broadsword. He was oblivious to the danger, having no idea, what was around him... what he had walked into.

**

He almost didn't dare move, their hearing was better than his. Everything in him wanted to charge, to rip them apart. But he knew that wasn't the wise move to make. So he watched them, and waited.

There were so many, fourteen in all that he could see. No, Fifteen, and they were crawling all over the house. Focusing on the windows and the doors, but they weren't actually trying to get in. He _knew_ that they could open doors. He'd been in ruins before. These things were smart, and that just made them all the more deadly. 

Even with that, they may not have retained the intelligence they once had, their reasoning skills. But they were way smarter than any animal. They moved and acted with far more purpose than just sheer survival. Which made him wonder, why they were here? What did they want?

He crept forward, painfully slow. It felt like it took five minutes to move an inch. A twig snapped under one of his rear feet and he instantly froze, his eyes on them, ears on alert. His insides clenched up, ready. No change. They hadn't even noticed. They seemed to be so engrossed in what they were doing, they had no idea he was even there.

He moved faster. Still slow and cautious, but faster.

Coming to a stop, just before the outside porch, he could see over the balcony railing. Two were right there... on the other side of the table. Three more of them were focused hard on her bedroom window. He knew they couldn't see in. 

The rest combed the rooftop and around by the front door. He could hear them breathing, sniffing. They were smelling around the window frame. Gods! Was it her? Could they smell her? Complete panic rose up in his chest.

The balcony doors opened... and Vilkas walked out. 

Every hair on him bristled, and for a split second all the Falmer froze. Vilkas was bare chested, barefooted, and he held his broadsword. He was oblivious to the danger, having no idea what was around him... what he had walked into. 

They moved and he charged! At his brother.

Clearing the balcony railing, all he could see... all he could remember before the bloodlust took him, was his brothers face. The panicked look in his eyes... fear.

**

His mind couldn't move fast enough. No time to think, to speak... to react. He was on him. Clawed hands and huge back feet! His brother's glowing yellow eyes and his muzzle. The sheer force of the hit sent him crashing backward into the doors. The wood literally bulging inward on the framework before exploding into splinters throughout the room behind him! 

He'd been thrown over the stair casing and landed on the long table beneath. The broadsword fell from his hand, clattering onto the floor. On the porch, Farkas had turned... and he was fighting! He was fighting! He could hear him roaring. He could hear arrows flying. And he could hear something else. Oh Gods.

All the Khajiit poured from their rooms, looks of panic on every face. None of them were dressed for this. Vilkas launched himself off the table, "Get the women back! I need magic users... bows!"

He never thought he'd ever hear himself say those words, but he knew they needed to help his brother now, before he was killed. He could hear how many there were and he knew he was outnumbered. They needed things they could fight from a distance with... magic and bows. He didn't have time to put his armor on. He screamed for her, "Soahni!" 

Turning to find out that she was already there, right next to him. There was no time to explain. Time was running out. All the male Khajiit ran up the stairs, and he followed with his brother's sword in hand. Soahni following him.

Running out onto the balcony porch, his brother was down below. He had one in his mouth! Slinging it back and forth in a frenzy! His massive, clawed hands swung at the ones that had closed in on him! 

Ak'Soud fired arrows, trying his hardest to miss Farkas, taking out two of them. They were so close and his movements so frantic! He charged down the steps, running at one of them. It didn't even see him. It was so set on getting at Farkas. With all his strength, he swung the broadsword! The Falmer split in two, falling onto the ground. 

Soahni screamed! And everything stopped.

The two remaining Falmer turned in her direction and backed away. Within seconds they were gone, vanishing into the night. The only evidence they'd ever been there, were the dead that they'd left behind.

All were gathering round him, the dead Falmer dropped from his maw. Swaying on his feet, he fell to his knees and he was still taller than him. 

Arrows stuck out from his back and sides, his thick, black hair, wet and matted from all the blood that flowed from his many wounds. Giant, clawed hands came up to rest on his shoulders. Panting from sheer exhaustion, saliva dripped from his tongue. 

Placing a hand to each side of his muzzle, he stared into his brother's yellow eyes, his tears spilling over. He whispered to him, "Farkas... it's going to be alright... it's alright."

Falling away from his grasp, he lay on his side... and began to change.

Vilkas sank to his knees, grabbing hold of brother's hand. He held it, as it became smaller... smoother... his own.

He never let loose of his hand as his body thrashed about in the leaves. He could vaguely hear someone yelling, as if it were off in the distance, or perhaps in a dream. _"Rags... hot water... potions."_ His brother, now in his true form, looked up at him. His huge hand enclosed now in both of his.

Tears ran down the sides of Farkas' face, leaving trails in all the blood and dirt, falling into his hair. A smile coming through the pain. Even now... so easy to smile. His heart would be warmed by it if it wasn't being ripped out. Farkas whispered to him, "You're safe... you're okay..."

He nodded, his tears dripping off from his face, onto his brother. "Yes..." 

Vilkas' voice came out strangled, "You saved me, Farkas..." 

He leaned further over him, the hand in his, losing it's strength... falling from him. He grabbed his brothers head, his face pushing into his... "Farkas!" He wouldn't let him go, watching as his eyes closed. Sobbing, he screamed into his face. _"Farkaaasss... No! No!"_

**

He wasn't ready... he wasn't ready. 

He couldn't leave him. Ever.

All he could see was light. Bright, swirling light.


	30. Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farkas had always been the light to his darkness. So many times, his brother had kept him from completely going under. He'd kept him living, even when he didn't want to.
> 
> Just thinking about what his brother had done for him, the fact that he'd been ready to sacrifice himself, to save him. And that's what he'd done. He'd damn near died, trying to save him. The ultimate act of love and devotion. He didn't feel deserving.

**

Soahni and Fa'Sien, both knelt on the ground behind Farkas. Healing light poured from their hands, surrounding him. His body giving a slight jerk as Ak'Soud pulled out the last of the arrows from his back. They hadn't been able to wait on the healing, if they had he'd be dead. He'd lost so much blood, and there had been so many arrows. Tears ran from both of them. Tears had ran from all. She was trying her hardest to be strong, he didn't need her falling apart. 

She watched him as he lay on the ground next to his brother, holding onto his limp hand. His face right up to Farkas', their noses almost touching. He wept, continuously speaking to him in a low, soothing voice. 

They had both reassured him that he would live, and it had calmed him some. But just the fact that he'd come so close to losing him. He couldn't handle it. Twice now in how many weeks, both of them had almost lost the other. 

The light stopped. They could only heal so much right now, his body needed a break. Leaning down to him, she talked low. "Vilkas, we have to move him now. We have to take him inside."

Ak'Soud went around to help. Farkas was big. Gods, it would take two men to move him. Four, if they didn't want to drag his feet behind him, which he didn't feel they should. Vilkas immediately got up onto his knees and wrapped his arms around him to set him up. Everything in him wanted to do this on his own, but he knew he wouldn't be able to. His brother was an ox of a man, the only one that he'd ever seen bigger, was Jorcun. He didn't want to worry over dropping him and furthering his injuries.

He was glad Ak'Soud was there to help him carry his brother though. They had become very close friends, he knew he wasn't the only one hurting. He could see the pain in the big cat's face. The design his tiger stripes made, just accentuating how he felt. Taking in a deep breath, they each took an arm and hauled it over a shoulder, lifting him up. Mohg and Fa'Sien, each taking a leg. 

They carried him into the house and turned to go into Jorcun's room. It would give him the space he needed, having a bigger bed. And being right next to the bathing room, they would have water close by if needed. Which they needed right now. He was filthy. Soriba and Ajjan had laid extra skins on the bed that they could lift off and replace with new ones after washing him down. 

Three basins full of warm water sat by the bed, along with piles of clean rags and bandages. Potions for healing and pain lined the nightstand. They hadn't had time to boil the water they'd needed, everything had happened so fast. They would have to make due with what they had. All in all, they'd gotten things around fairly fast, considering.

Right now, he was still under. That was a good thing. He'd taken nine arrows in all, mostly to his back and right side. Two of those, he'd taken from the front, in the shoulder and thigh. Their healing had stopped the worst of the bleeding, healing the worst of any internal injuries. Enough to keep him alive. But he still had much healing to do.

Keeping him on his left side, Soahni and the two Khajiit set to cleaning him where the injuries were. They needed to sanitize the area, so they could bandage him up. Vilkas washed him from the waste down. He was a mess, covered in dirt and blood. He got him as clean as he could, setting the used cloths in a bin for washing and covered him up. He understood now, after recovering from his own injuries. It would be easier for him to be without a breech. He would be there to help him with anything private he needed, when he was awake and able.

Once the healing kicked in, he would need a proper bath to keep infection at bay. Jorcun had a sunken tub that he'd pilfered from a Dwemer ruin and had it hauled all the way here, building it right into the stonework while the house was being built. He'd always said, that was the only thing he liked about Markarth. Hot water at the ready. 

He'd rigged up a pipe system running from the small falls over the hill top and ran it into the house, but they had to heat the water themselves. There was no Dwemer steam here. Still, it was convenient. 

They all loved spending time here, between Jorcun and the Khajiit they'd befriended, it was like a second home. None of them could ask for better.

Ak'Soud carried in a cot covered in furs and placed it into the corner. Vilkas could put it where he wanted it once the room cleared. He walked back toward the door, placing a hand on Vilkas' shoulder, giving him a nod of understanding. He knew the Nord would never leave his brother's side, and they would all be here for him. Vilkas would need the support, now more than ever.

He left the room to help his own brother heat some broth for later and make tea. Mohg was over at the alchemy table, smashing herbs and ingredients together for medicine. He'd made some paste the females would rub over the wounds prior to bandaging.

For all the places he could've been injured, this was the best. He was surrounded by healers, alchemists, and those that loved him.

Vilkas moved the cot over next to the bed and sat down, facing him. They'd rolled up furs, edging them against his back to keep him on his left side in attempt to keep as much pressure off the wounds as possible. He just watched him, his eyes scanning over all the places on him that were wrapped up. He looked like a mummy. Bandages all across his torso and shoulder, one thigh.

His eyes combed over him constantly, he was afraid to look away in fear that it might not be real. That maybe he'd actually lost him and this was an illusion... a dream. Something his mind had cooked up to keep him from going insane. 

Watching his brother begin to slip away out there, when his eyes had closed. It was like he was dying inside with him. Half of him was being killed. The thought of being without him... just the thought. He knew he wouldn't be able to go on. He couldn't imagine being without him. 

Farkas had always been the light to his darkness. So many times, his brother had kept him from completely going under. He'd kept him living, even when he didn't want to.

Just thinking about what his brother had done for him, the fact that he'd been ready to sacrifice himself to save _him._ And that's what he'd done. He'd damn near died, trying to save him. The ultimate act of love and devotion. He didn't feel deserving.

He'd always been short tempered with him, impatient. So many times he'd been so caught up in his own self pity, his own misery, that he would lash out at him over nothing. Clearly seeing the pain in his brother's eyes and walk away, turn his back. Their closeness had almost seemed to disappear over the years. It wasn't on his brother's side. Just his. 

They were definitely two halves of the whole. In his eyes, Farkas was the best half. For them to see again, their relationship come full circle, to where it should've been all along. To where it used to be when they were young. This, everything that had happened, to him, to them. What his brother had just done. 

It had to be the Gods. Giving him the kick in the pants he'd needed long ago, to wake up and enjoy life while he had it. To make him realize what he actually had right in front of him. What he'd always had and what he'd been given.

A tear ran down his cheek. As long as his brother's chest rose and fell... as long as he drew breath, he wouldn't waste another minute. 

**

The first rays of sun had started showing on the horizon, pouring into the windows. Dawn was upon them. A new day. They had all left the room, Soahni included. She knew he wouldn't be good company right now. They all knew he needed time, just to be with him. He was still in such a state of shock over everything that had just happened. Once Farkas woke and he could hear him... speak to him, she knew he would be alright. They had been through a lot.

The males had gone outside, moving the remains of the thirteen dead Falmer into a pile to burn. They were hoping this may show as a warning for any others to stay away.

With the bodies burning, they set to work on repairs and building new doors. It wouldn't take long, they'd helped Jorcun build the house after all. A couple of doors would be nothing. They'd have it done before nightfall. And tonight, all the doors and windows would be locked. No one would be out after nightfall. 

No one spoke while they worked... every single one, was silent. Lost in thought. And they were all thinking the same thing, but none of them wanted to voice it, they were afraid to. But at some point, they all knew it would have to be addressed. 

Soahni had stayed silent all morning, and they all watched her. The events of last night had been a rude awakening to her. Now she was really seeing the dangers that she'd been kept from for the first time outside of Winterhold, and the sheltered life that she'd had.

But there was more to it than just that. Her being what she was, coming out into Skyrim... away from where it all started. It was a catalyst. It had to be. Or was she?

The events that had taken place at the college, and what had happened in the ruin. Her meeting him... the Companions being involved for the first time since the beginning of it all, with a Falmer. Her mind swam with it all, there was so much she didn't understand. 

Was her being here, putting everyone at risk? But if that was the case, where could she go? If this was happening here, wouldn't it happen some where else? No, she was safest here, surrounded by those that cared for her, those that understood her. She had to stand her ground, see it through to the end. Whatever was taking place was meant to happen. 

There were larger forces at work here... she could feel it. They all could. 

Soriba watched her silently. She had stopped sweeping and was just staring into the fire, her eyes far away... holding onto Nahneh's moon amulet.


	31. What'd I Miss?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The closer he got to the house, the more he realized something had gone terribly wrong. There was dried blood everywhere, all over the ground. Not just in front of the house, but all over the forest floor. All over the stone walls that supported the balcony.
> 
> Whatever had happened, he'd evidently missed the party. Maybe he needed to spend more time at home.

**

He didn't feel the pain until he transformed back. Then the pain subsided. There was relief, knowing that Vilkas lived, that he was safe. He was safe. 

Then, there was a feeling of panic, he wasn't ready to leave his brother. But his body had been through so much, it just wouldn't listen to him. He didn't have anymore strength. He could hear Vilkas screaming his name... and then, the light came. 

Then darkness.

**

Very slowly, his vision came back. It was like climbing his way up from some dark abyss. His body wanted to stay asleep, but the pain wouldn't let it. So much pain. 

Finally the blur left his eyes and he could see where he was. Jorcun's room. And Vilkas was there... asleep in the cot next to him. 

They had traded places it seemed. It wasn't too long ago, that _he_ had been the one to do that. Falling asleep, while he'd kept watch over his brother. As long as he was near, that's all that mattered. He stayed silent as long as he could, watching him. Any sleep they got, he knew was sacred. And Vilkas he could see, hadn't gotten much. His face had been washed clean of war paint and dark circles surrounded his eyes. 

The paint they wore did a good job of hiding them, but when it was off, the toll their curse had taken shone with a vengeance, and the thing that was making them stronger, protecting them from disease and illness, extending their natural lives, made them look years older. Wear and tear. Little to no sleep. 

He thought about the cure, it was time. They needed it so bad, to be themselves again. His very last transformation was used wisely... he had done good. There had been a reason for it, he knew. To save his brother. His last time as a wolf, he would never regret it.

Then his mind went to Jorcun, his house... the damage. He let out a sigh, and that's all it took. Vilkas was awake. 

His mouth was dry, it felt like cotton had been woven around his tongue. He smacked his lips, his voice coming out hoarse. "Jorcun's gonna be pissed."

**

His eyes snapped open and he shot up in the cot. Relief completely flooding through him at the sound of his brother's voice. Fighting the urge to tear up, it was useless. His eyes welled up, but nothing could take the smile off his face. Tears or no. He took Farkas' hand, "He won't be, brother. Don't fret over it, the doors are already replaced." 

Farkas attempted to smile, it just wasn't going to happen. He could tell he must be in some pretty bad pain. His skin had taken on a pale, almost grey shade and his whole face was covered in a sheen of sweat. 

Letting lose of his hand, he stood and walked around to the nightstand, grabbing two bottles. One, a pain remedy and the other, a healing remedy. He came back around, uncorking them. Holding Farkas' head up, he poured them both down, chasing them with some water. 

It wouldn't take long now, he knew how strong their remedies were. He remembered how doped up he'd been when they'd been looking after _him_ , most of the whole first week was nothing more than a blur. He'd almost longed for some to take back with him, just to use at night, so he could get some decent rest. Farkas would be feeling good in no time. The strained look on his face was waning already. 

He sat back down, calling out for Soahni. From the look, his bandages needed changing, he could see the blood that had seeped through. Not a lot, but enough that they needed tending to.

Soahni opened the door, peeking around it real quietly. Seeing the look Vilkas' face held, she felt better about coming in. She walked over to where Farkas could see her, she was beaming. "Look who's awake! You've been out for over a day now."

He let out a deep breath, looking at his brother for confirmation, he couldn't believe it. "A whole day?" 

Vilkas nodded to him. "Aye... what you did, took a lot out of you." He grabbed onto his brother's hand again. 

She listened to their exchange and rolled up her sleeves, going around to inspect his bandages. There was some blood, but nothing too bad. They would need to be changed every twenty four hours or so, at the very least. Ak'Soud came in with Ajjan, and as soon as she saw that he was awake, she went right back out. Broth and tea, that's what he needed. 

Ak'Soud stood by Vilkas, looking down at him, his huge smile warmed Farkas through. If anyone could get him smiling, it was this big cat. Like an adopted brother he was, just covered in grey and black stripes. 

They couldn't barely be around each other without one getting the other going. Their faces and guts would be hurting so bad from laughing, half the time Ajjan would have to split them up. They wouldn't even be able to look at each other, without it starting all over again. Especially when they smoked... Gods! Then, Vilkas and Ajjan would have to sit between them. Everyone near pissing their pants, rolling on the floor just from watching them. Good times.

The potion was kicking in real good. Probably due to having no food in so long. As soon as the thought entered his mind and he smelled the broth, his stomach growled. Ajjan set down a big bowl and a pitcher with a cup.

Vilkas caught him eyeing the pitcher and laughed. "Now it's your turn for the tea, brother."

"Yuck! No tea... mmeeaad." he smiled huge.

Everyone busted into laughter, he was definitely stoned. Ajjan poured the tea in the cup, "No mead for the big boy! Tea! Mead no good while you heal." 

He tried to pucker up his face, but it didn't work. He was too happy... and hungry... and thirsty! Right now, he'd take anything. He had to wait till Soahni changed his bandages though. She called Ajjan over to help her. He'd have to sit up, and that wasn't going to be any fun. 

At least he couldn't feel his back now. The shoulder and thigh were bad, but his back... shit. His back felt like it was raw hamburger.

She leaned over him, talking low. "I'm going to have to lower your covers a bit Farkas, so I can remove some of these before we have you sit... okay?"

He looked at his brother, he could barely speak without laughing through it. "You hear that? Your woman wants to see my arse brother..." Then he completely lost it. Soahni turned dark red, all the way to her hairline. Ak'Soud was doubled over. Vilkas just shook his head, laughing. "No matter brother... it's just like mine, only bigger." 

That's all it took. The whole room was about in tears, and Ak'Soud was on his knees, holding onto his stomach. 

**

His horse made it's way past the alter and slowed. The smell of burnt flesh filled the air. But of what? No smell of burnt hair, maybe that was a good thing, aye? Not one of the cats, then. 

His mouth watered as his stomach turned over. He hated this smell, it always messed with him. Burns... he hated getting burnt and he hated the smell. One of the things he hated most about fighting a magic user. Loved havin one on his side though. 

Everyone he knew felt the same. Didn't want to fight em, but ya wanted one on your side. Even those that griped the worst about em, wouldn't say no to havin one at their back.

The closer he got to the house, the more he realized, something had gone terribly wrong. There was dried blood everywhere, all over the ground. Not just in front of the house, but all over the forest floor as well. All over the stone walls that supported the balcony. 

Whatever had happened, he'd evidently missed the party. Maybe he needed to spend more time at home. 

There was a huge pile of charred remains, burnt down to nothing but bones now. He pulled on the reigns, bringing the horse to a complete stop as he eyed the pile... no more smoke. They'd been burnt at least a day ago or better. Not too long ago though, not with the smell still hanging so strong in the air. 

They definitely weren't human, and they didn't even really look like Mer. The skulls were misshapen and the teeth. After a moment, the realization hit him. The only thing with teeth like that... Falmer. _What in all oblivion was going on?_

He rode up to the stables, noticing the two horses that didn't belong to him. He did know however, who they belonged to. He climbed down and shut the stall. He walked around quietly and just took it all in. Saw dust and shavings covered the ground near the quarry. 

He walked over to the porch, climbing up the steps. A female cat he'd never met was bent down onto her hands and knees, with a scrub brush in her hands. A bucket of soapy water sat on the balcony beside her. There was blood all over the balcony... did it all come from the Falmer? He hadn't bothered to count the bodies in the pile, but there were quite a few. It was piled pretty high.

She was so busy scrubbing, she hadn't heard him approach, either that or her mind was elsewhere. That had to be it. To sneak up on a cat, you had to be pretty sneaky. And that's something he wasn't, not enough to catch one of _them_ unawares anyway. He looked at the new doors that graced his balcony, then back down to her. "Ahem."

She literally jumped off the floor of the balcony and backed away, hissing at him! He jumped back with his hands raised up. He slowly backed away, giving her some space. "It's okay... I'm a friend..." 

Slowly, he put his hands down. "I'm Jorcun... this is my house."

It took her a minute to recover. Her pinned down ears, slowly made their way back up and she stepped forward a little, edging away from the new doors. He watched her expression as it changed from fear to concern, then back to fear. Evidently who he was, didn't give her a whole lot of relief. 

"This one is Soriba... my husband is Ak'Soud's brother. We just..." She looked around and he could tell she was at a loss, uncomfortable. And she probably didn't need to be the one explaining what had happened either. 

"It's nice to meet you, Soriba. I'm gonna go in now." He motioned to the new doors and she moved aside, letting him pass through.

Eyeing the new woodwork as he walked through... new doors, new framework. Heavy duty locks. He let out a deep breath, letting the doors close behind him. He looked over the staircase railing. Nothing out of place, everything was nice and tidy. No one... not a single cat, no Vilkas... no Farkas. He quietly walked down the steps and into the main room. Whatever was cooking smelled divine.

That was one of the reasons he'd stopped here before traveling on to the college with these damned books he'd had to get. He wanted a good meal and a warm bed, some Sujamma and some some smoke. And good company to share it all with. Now all he had to do, was find the company and relax, while he heard all about what had just happened.

Hearing talking and laughter coming from his room, his curiosity was peaked. He crept up to the door and placed his ear to it. He stood at the doors, listening to them. His face split into a smile. Ahhh to be home... with his brothers. His family. 

After a moment, he stopped. _Vilkas had a woman?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't noticed yet, I'm kind of tweaking things here and there to fit my needs. Such as larger stables and stalls for the horses.


	32. Just Tell Him!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone made way, as he slowly came toward the bed. He looked down at him, then at Vilkas and the Khajiit. Then, he settled his gaze on Soahni.

**

Jorcun opened the doors and walked into the room. Everyone immediately straightened and the laughter stopped.

He wanted to say something to go along with the jokes over Farkas showing his backside, for whatever reason he was showing it. Until he saw the shape that he was in. He was almost as shocked as everyone in the room seemed to be over him showing up. It was obvious now, that some of the blood he'd seen belonged to Farkas.

Everyone made way as he slowly came toward the bed. He looked down at him, then at Vilkas and the Khajiit. Then, he settled his gaze on Soahni.

He looked at her for a few minutes... a long, few minutes. And the whole room was silent. The tension in the room seemed to increase by the second. Things had never been this way amongst them. 

He crossed his arms, taking in a deep breath and before he could even say a word, Farkas blurted out. "Just tell him! I can't take all this blasted stress!" 

He looked at his brother, then to Ak'Soud. "But first, I want to get bandaged and have something to eat or drink... both! I'm dyin here!" 

Vilkas almost laughed, it didn't even sound like Farkas. But he knew for him to be talking like that, he had to be hurting again. Even with the potion that he'd just had, he was still uncomfortable and the stress of the situation was just irritating it.

Farkas craned his neck to look at Jorcun, "Sorry I'm in your bed."

Jorcun just smiled and gave him a wink. "It's alright brother." 

He knew whatever was going on, for Farkas to speak to anyone like that, it was something delicate... or real bad. Something his large-hearted friend wanted to get out of the way. He was glad he was evidently on the mend, but seeing him like this... sounding like this. Needless to say, he was concerned.

He gave the rest a quick look, "I'll go into the other room and relax, then I'd like to hear whatever it is that someone should just tell me." Then he turned and left the room. 

As soon as the doors closed, everyone literally let out a deep breath of relief. Then they all exchanged glances. Ak'Soud went toward the door. "Perhaps some smoke will soften the blow some... and some sujamma." 

Still, he held a concerned look. Farkas was right. They needed to just get it over with. He walked out, leaving them to finish. 

They had cut the bandages away from his back and shoulder, cleaned his wounds and applied more herbal paste. Now, they needed him to sit up to re-wrap him. Now that he was awake, it would make it much easier. Then she would work on the thigh, while Ajjan helped him with his broth and tea.

She motioned for Vilkas to help her. He couldn't strain his muscles, that would only make him bleed more. They each hooked an arm under him, trying to take care not to touch the most tender areas too much, and sat him up. 

As soon as he moved, he cried out, gritting his teeth against the pain. They had to make it quick, he wouldn't be able to take too much. 

His face was going pale again, covered in sweat, tears streaked down his cheeks. Trying to breath through it, his face was clenched up in a grimace of agony. "Godsdamn it! I feel like a baby!" 

Vilkas' eyes went to her, then back to him. Hearing him cry out in pain, then to berate himself over it. He couldn't take either, he couldn't stand him suffering! "Don't you dare! You're the bravest I know! You have a right to make some noise... no one here will think you weak over it!" He gathered another pain remedy and waited for her and Ajjan to finish. Then, he would give it to him.

Finally done, they laid him back down. She held her hands over him and Vilkas watched as the bright, swirling light poured from them into his brother. Then, just after a minute, it was gone. She looked apologetic, "His body will only allow so much, he has to heal on his own for awhile." 

Farkas _did_ look more relieved, but still looked like shit. Vilkas helped him with the potion, then setting the empty bottle aside, he stood and looked at her. "I'm going to go out and get something to eat, spend some time with Jorcun." Farkas just laid there, with his eyes closed... waiting for the potion to kick in. 

She gave him a smile and nodded. He knew she was nervous, but they owed him some answers. They wouldn't be able to hide it from him, this was his house after all. Besides, he was starting to think they would need his help. He wasn't sure with what just yet. But, whatever was happening, whatever was coming... he wanted Jorcun on their side.

Ajjan took the bowl of broth and headed toward the door. "This is cold, he needs some that's fresh... it won't take long."

He was settled back onto his left side, the meds were starting to kick in. She sat down next to him, "I'm not sure if I should thank you for that or not." 

His eyes still closed, he chuckled softly. "You will... you may not feel like that now, but you will. Once it's all out in the open, you'll feel free."

She thought about it, they all trusted Jorcun. He was good to her extended family, when so many others looked at them harshly, he saw them as family. Farkas had to be right. 

She took a another deep breath, now for the other hard part. "I'm going to have to uncover you, you know... to get to your thigh." They couldn't lay him on his back and she didn't want to make a big deal over it, but she still felt the need to forewarn him.

His eyes opened a little, "Nothin you didn't see while everything was goin on the other night... go ahead." 

He didn't mean to be harsh or unfeeling. He just felt funny about everything, and he knew he had to deal with it... with being around her. His brother was everything to him, and he didn't want to be put in a position where he could fall to weakness. This was one of those positions. He felt funny with her just being on the bed with him. And with him being drugged, he just wanted to get it over quickly. He didn't trust himself, and that bothered him. 

As soon as he was exposed, she swallowed loudly, trying not to look at anything but his thigh and the wound. She felt ridiculous! This was ridiculous! He was injured, and he was Vilkas' brother! 

She needed to focus... focus on helping him. Instead of focusing on the feeling in her belly. The feeling that made her feel like a traitor, just for feeling it. It would be easier if he didn't look like Vilkas. If he had been any other man. Any other, but just like the one that she so wanted. 

That's what the problem was, he was a larger version of the man she loved, and he was beautiful. His longer hair, his larger size... she swallowed again. Her hands were shaking and her breathing had sped up, her heart pounding. 

She looked up. He was watching her. Watching her look at him. Her eyes had been everywhere except his wound. She knew how she'd been looking at him, and it was shameful. 

His eyes were heavy from the drugs... that's what it was. The medicine was making him drowsy. They stared at each other and she couldn't get past his eyes, couldn't pull away from them. So heavy... looking at her under those long, dark lashes that kissed his skin each time he blinked. His full lips partly open, his tongue sliding over them.

She could feel the heat coming up into her face, she looked down. Mistake, he was getting hard. Her eyes were glued on him as his cock began to swell, taking in the dark skin as it filled with his blood. Her lips involuntarily parting, staring at the thick, mushroom head that was nearing full bloom. 

She sucked in a breath, and grabbing the fur, she quickly threw it over his manhood. Her eyes quickly snapping back to his injury. _Au-riel!_ her face and ears felt like they were ablaze! 

Her voice trembled, "Please... don't look at me that way Farkas..." It was almost a pleading sound to him, like she was begging. 

He continued to look at her, "You mean the way you were just lookin at me?"

She just stared at his leg, she couldn't answer. He was right. She'd been eating him up with her eyes, then to turn around and act like she'd done nothing. She didn't want to admit it was easier to believe that he'd been the only one. _Au-riel, what was wrong with her?_

She'd chalk it up to the fact that he was her love's twin. That he looked like the man that she loved. She needed to spend some time with Vilkas. Alone. That may not happen for awhile, not with Farkas being in this state and she knew that he wouldn't want to be away from him. She wanted to slap herself, mayhap that would snap her out of it! 

She tried to clean him up and bandage him as quickly as possible, her hands shaking horribly.

"Thank you, for saving me... and for saving my brother." 

She looked up at him, "You're welcome Farkas... thank you for saving him. I'm sorry... I..." 

He just shook his head and stared at the wall, speaking in almost a whisper. "You don't have to say anything Soahni, it's alright. I understand."

Just then, Ajjan came back in, a bowl of hot broth in her hands. She was done, and she was relieved. She pulled the covers up to his waist and stood to leave, when suddenly his giant hand reached out and grasped hers. Still looking at the wall, he spoke low. "It's going to be alright. He's a good man. just be honest with him, okay?" 

She nodded and smiled at him. He dropped her hand and she moved, allowing Ajjan room to sit by him. He would need help to eat and drink until he could sit on his own. That would take a few days. Until he could fend for himself, she would have to make excuses to not be alone with him. She didn't want to be in this position again. 

She stood in front of the doors for a moment, then took a deep breath and walked out.


	33. Blown Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sat there for a moment... watching everyone's faces. Seeing their fear, watching them fidget in their seats. He leaned forward silently and grabbed his pack off from the floor. Bringing it to his lap, he opened it and rummaged through it, till he found the letter.
> 
> Dropping it back to the floor, he stood and held out the letter to her. "I believe this should go to you then..."

**

She stood in the hallway, leaning back against the bedroom doors. Concealed for just a moment from everyone that had gathered in the main room. She was so conflicted, and terrified. What she wanted to do right then, was cry. Just break down.

She'd just made an ass out of herself to Vilkas' brother. She couldn't believe what she'd done and what he must think of her now. It was his brother! _She was with his brother!_ She loved him, and Farkas had just sacrificed himself to save him! She was embarrassed! More than that, she wanted to crawl into a crack somewhere and disappear.

Her mind wanted to make every excuse. She could say it was due to a lack of life experience. The fact that she was just now experiencing the needs and desires that she'd never been allowed for centuries. Her feelings were misplaced, she was somehow desiring the wrong man, simply due to the fact that they were almost identical. 

But was that it? She couldn't ask herself that question. She wouldn't. 

One thing she _did_ know, was ever since she'd made love to Vilkas, she'd had desires. Physical needs that she'd never felt before. She didn't understand it and she had no one to talk to, no one to ask.

She'd tried talking to Soriba about it, but she was at a loss. She tried to help her, but when it came right down to it, they were very different. She didn't have another of her kind to go to for help. There was no one.

She didn't know if what she was dealing with, was common among other Mer? She had never talked about these kinds of things with Nirya or Faralda. This wasn't happening to her then, and now they weren't here to help her. 

The Altmer people always seemed so in control of themselves and so in control of every emotion. Every single one that she'd ever known, had been alike in that manner. She simply couldn't imagine one of them feeling the need to pounce on a man and mate with him until you lost consciousness. 

That's what she felt like. She felt like an animal in heat! She felt like her entire being was consumed with primal needs. 

She'd never even had a cycle until she'd been with Vilkas. At first, she'd been panicked, going to Soriba about it. She'd thought that she'd been damaged somehow after they'd made love. She couldn't understand why she wasn't healing. It had only lasted several days and the bleeding was light. Then it stopped all together.

Soriba told her it was evidently brought on by her becoming active. The cats were so different than man or Mer. She knew they had cycles, but _she_ had never had one, so she figured she never would. And honestly, she began to think that it was literally because there were no males of her kind around. That was the only logical reason that she could surmise. 

She did tell her one thing though. Now, she could get pregnant. She would have to be careful. The only thing she had read regarding this and her people, was that they _could_ have children with the Atmorans. Other than the fact that the humans reproduced so quickly, _that_ had been one of the greatest sources of strife between them. 

There wasn't a lot written over it, but what was... well, lets just say some had been alright with it and some hadn't been. On both sides.

The only thing she could tell her, was to have him take his manhood out before his seed spilled. That was the only way to prevent it, and sometimes even that wasn't a sure thing. 

She'd thought about having his babies. She knew he would make a wonderful father. But with everything going on, to add one more thing to it. One more complication. She feared for her own life, her own safety. 

What would she do if she had children and they were threatened? And he had been so concerned about her being hidden, would he even want children with her? Just one more thing for him to worry over.

If she could just find one thing, one thing that would help her. She'd combed through every book and every piece of parchment she could find at the college over the years. Nothing that she'd found on her people went over anything like this. Everything that had ever been written, revolved around the blasted conflict between their peoples and the aftermath.

She _needed_ him. She needed him _so_ badly, and there was so much taking place. Ever since he'd arrived, all she could think about, was pulling him into her bedroom and attacking him. Ripping his clothes off and getting what she needed. She no longer wanted to worry about what he would think of her if she did that. She simply needed him.

The fact that his brother distracted her, the fact that she couldn't trust herself. It was tearing her up inside.

Then, there was the Dragonborn. They'd told her about him. She knew who he was before they'd even arrived here. Of course, she didn't know he was a Companion until they'd arrived here. None of them did. By then it was too late, they were here. Another shock, another link to everything that seemed to be happening all at once. She was overwhelmed. 

And now, not only was she complicating things with Farkas, which more complication was what she did not need. But she had to go in there and tell this man, this man that could decide their fate, everything.

She walked into the main room. Everyone was seated around the fire. Fa'Sien had saved her a seat between him and Vilkas. Her support team.

Soriba sat on the other side of him, next to Ak'Soud and Mohg. Who looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. Wouldn't they all be? She knew _she_ would! 

Ajjan would probably stay in the room with Farkas, watching over him. The Dragon born, or Jocun, was on one end of them all, but the way his chair was positioned he would be facing her directly. 

She just stood there for a moment, gathering the strength to move. Vilkas smiled at her, patting the chair. She was turning red already. Taking in a deep breath, she walked to him and sat down.

Looking down at the table that sat in the middle of them all, it appeared that she'd missed the festivities. The pipe lay cold on the table in an ash basin. She looked at it forlornly. Fa'Sien must have read her thoughts, handing her a cup of sujamma. Did she dare down it? Thinking twice, she took a sip and looked up at Jorcun. 

He had to be the biggest man she'd ever seen. He was over Farkas' height and broader, if that was even possible. Long, honey blonde hair, that held braids going down each side, hung down past his shoulders. The same honey colored scruff, adorned his face. 

And as intimidating as he probably could be with his size, multiple laugh lines along the sides of his brilliant blue eyes told a different tale. Along with his actions and his treatment of the Khajiit that he employed and housed, who were like a family to him.

She took another deep breath. "Did they tell you what happened here? "

Everyone was quiet. Nobody had known what to expect and now that she was talking, all ears were tuned in. He leaned forward and picked up the pipe, tapping the bowl upside down on the ash basin. He spoke while he cleaned it out, "Yeah, they told me what they knew. I know seein' the shape that Farkas is in, I'd like to get his perspective on it, once he's able." 

Taking a pinch off the tray on the table, he packed the bowl. "With him being outside before it all broke loose, I'm pretty sure, he got to see some things, maybe notice some things that you all didn't."

He put the pipe up to his mouth and snapped his fingers, lighting it. She laughed. He took a hit and handed it to her, speaking while he held it in. "You laugh..." 

He was smiling at her, the look definitely suited him. They seemed to be inside their own little conversation, it was almost as if they were alone. She took a hit, passing it to Vilkas. 

Letting it out, her smile took up her whole face. He'd evidently known they all needed this. A relaxer. "I am sorry, I can't help but be amazed every time I see an Atmoran that uses magic." 

As soon as it came out she regretted it. Her tongue had gotten away from her. Everyone literally froze. They could feel her apprehension. She looked up at him. It was too late to back peddle.

He looked astounded and he just stared at her. He picked up his cup, giving her a slight laugh in return. For a moment, he looked like he was thinking about what to say. "You know... I don't think I've heard that word... Gods... in so long. I know I've definitely never been called that."

She took a drink, looking down into her cup. "I meant no offense Jorcun." 

It was best to just spit it out. She had to just get it out, and let the pieces fall where they may. Holding the cup in her lap, her fingers laced around it. 

"That's what I was taught from the time when I was very small, that's all I heard. I apologize."

He took the pipe from Ak'Soud and laid it in the basin, folding his hands across his massive chest like he was settling in. He seemed completely at ease, but he watched her like a hawk. Everyone wondering what was going through his mind. 

"Where did you grow up Soahni, to hear that word? You don't look like an aged Elf to me, even an old Mer speaks the word Nord."

They all watched him. The way he spoke. Did he know already? Was he waiting for her to just come out and speak the words? 

She took a sip of her sujamma. "There is no live Mer as old as me Jorcun. I grew up in Saarthal. I am Falmer." 

He sat there for a moment, watching everyone's faces. Seeing their fear, watching them fidget in their seats. He leaned forward silently and grabbed his pack off from the floor. Bringing it to his lap, he opened it and rummaged through it till he found the letter. 

Dropping it back to the floor, he stood and held out the letter to her. "I believe this should go to you then." 

This wasn't what she expected at all. Everyone looked at each other, they were all at a loss. She took it from him, but still watched him. She couldn't believe he hadn't given a reaction to what she'd said at all. He sat back down, propped his stocking clad feet back up on the table, folding his hands back where they had been and watched her.

She looked down at the letter in her hands, afraid to open it. Afraid to know what he evidently already knew. The wax seal had been broken. She had to know. Piecing the seal back together, trying to make out the symbol it bore. Immediately her chest clenched up! 

Dominion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, being a guy, and never being with a female, I have no experience in the whole monthly thing other than common knowledge. Again, I've gotten a ton of help in some parts of this from friends, etc. Of course, what Soahni's experiencing is all coming from my imagination. With there not being a whole lot known of the Snow Elves, I figured why the hell not?! Right?! Let's do something different.


	34. The Right Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was now starting to see some of the weakness his ancestors may have fallen to. She was beautiful, delicate, and yet powerful... exotic. He could only imagine how many of the Atmoran men would've wanted one of them in their bed, and at their side.
> 
> Same with the Atmoran women. If Soahni was this striking in appearance, what would the males of her kind have looked like? He could only envision it, there must've been quite a bit of intermingling going on from both sides. After all, here was two of them right here that wanted her. And not just two Atmorans... but two Companions.
> 
> Two completely different races, coming together for the first time, and the Elders of both, falling into a complete state of panic over the tainting of their bloodlines.

**

Her eyes flew up to him! She was afraid to open it. Staring at the symbol, why would a letter bearing the Dominion symbol, be for her? Have _anything_ to do with _her?_ He just sat there, quiet, waiting for her to open it. 

She took in a deep breath, feeling Vilkas' hand gently squeezing her leg. He spoke softly to her, "Open it Soahni." 

She swallowed, glancing at him and nodding. Everyone, literally leaned forward in their seats, except Jorcun. He sat right where he was, stocking feet propped up onto the table, hands folded atop his massive chest, staring at her. And now his eyebrows were raised. She gave Vilkas one more look and opened it.

Her shaking hands unfolded the parchment and she looked it over, it was written in the Altmeris language, absolutely elegant script. It was addressed to the First Emissary Elenwen. She read.

They watched her. The farther she got into the letter, the bigger her eyes got. Her mouth dropped, as an absolutely horrified look overtook her.

She fought the urge to start panting. She couldn't get enough air, it felt like every bit of it had been sucked from the room. One of her hands instinctively went up to her mouth. _Oh Au-riel!_ What on all of Nirn was happening? How could things get any worse?! 

He watched as her pale blue eyes came up to rest on him once more. Again, just like it had the first time he saw her, her snow white skin, flushed dark pink. What he'd wanted to do since he'd first laid his eyes on her, was to go right up to her and touch her. See if she was real and not myth. But, as he could see from here, she was very real. 

She had to be the most amazing looking Mer that he had ever seen. So strikingly pale that it was almost hard on the eyes. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to look upon her in the bright sunlight. 

Around her eyes, nose and ears, was a pale pink. Her lips... pink. She would never need face paint. Her eyes, such a beautiful shade of blue, surrounded by long, snow white lashes. And so dainty... so tiny. 

He could see why his brother wanted her, and why _his_ brother did as well. He could smell it, sense it. She was exactly Farkas' type. And Farkas was keeping it from his brother. He understood why.

Vilkas had never been the relationship type. Anyway, from what he'd been told by everyone that knew him. In fact, since he'd been with them, he had never once seen him with a woman. Farkas on the other hand, simply couldn't find the woman he wanted. The right woman. Well... until now. This could be very complicated.

Like it wasn't already.

He was now starting to see some of the weakness his ancestors may have fallen to. She was beautiful, delicate, and yet powerful... exotic. He could only imagine how many of the Atmoran men, would've wanted one of them in their bed, and at their side.

Same with the Atmoran women. If Soahni was this striking in appearance, what would the males of her kind have looked like? He could only envision it, there must've been quite a bit of intermingling going on from both sides. After all, here was two of them right here that wanted her. And not just two Atmorans... two Companions.

Two completely different races, coming together for the first time. And the Elders of both, falling into a complete state of panic over the tainting of their bloodlines.

Her beautiful face pinched up in fear. He knew Vilkas could smell it coming off of her... taste it. Her voice, shaking. She was near the breaking point. "Who gave you this letter? How... how, did you get it?"

He stayed exactly as he was, Vilkas was watching him... they all were. She could also tell Fa'Sien wanted to know what it said. And even though Soriba did as well, her hand was digging into his... staying his tongue.

"Ulfric gave it to me."

Mouths dropped, mutters and gasps coming from all... except Vilkas. Jorcun watched the emotion travel over his brother's face. It wasn't good. He was struggling. Their eyes met, staring at one another for a moment. Vilkas knew he was being read like a book. For just a moment he looked down, then back at her. 

She swallowed hard, so loud that everyone heard. Both hands flew to her mouth, she was going to cry! How could this all be happening. Vilkas' arm wrapped around her. He looked between her and Jorcun, the damned suspense was killing them all! "Jorcun... I beseech you... tell her what you know!"

He lowered his feet onto the floor, sitting forward in his chair. "A Thalmor messenger was killed by a Stormcloak soldier. Well... the Thalmor attacked him and he responded. Anyway, he was carrying this letter. If it hadn't been intercepted, it would've gone to Elenwen, as it was... it went to Ulfric."

His arms rested on his knees, hands clasped. He looked between her and Fa'Sien. "Ulfric has known about you... his father, knew about you." He sat back again, picking up the cup of sujamma, taking a drink.

"He was the one that filled me in! At first, I thought he'd lost it! I couldn't believe, but... it's true." 

He settled his eyes on her, "Did you actually think that his soldiers and guard would be stationed there, and none of them mention to the Bear... and now to _him?"_

He leaned forward even farther, "How do _you_ know that those very guards, weren't being told to keep watch over your situation as well as the town!"

He was in awe, just as he had been when Ulfric filled him in. Upon reading the letter, Ulfric had almost laughed... he would have, had it not been that she had been driven from her place of safety. Had it not been, that the head of the college, that was supposed to be in alliance with them on keeping her hidden and keeping Jyrik's tomb sealed, was now bent on desecrating their ancestors resting place!

He just couldn't understand what was going on in the Mer's head. The last time he'd been there, Savos seemed very level headed. Everything that he'd been told about him, was that he wanted peace between the Nords and the College. He wanted to work on improving their relations. And this was just the opposite of that!

Ak'Soud leaned forward to pack another bowl. He was way too straight to deal with all this. The tension had all but killed the buzz he'd gotten from before. All their eyes were huge! This was a hundred times worse than the last time he got them all baked and then doused all the lanterns, telling them ghost stories.

The more Jorcun talked, the more they all leaned forward, completely engrossed. "From what Ulfric says his father told him when he was a young boy, that Thane Mera Stormcloak, was the first to be told by the head of the college at that time. None before then would have been told out of fear. The college had been keeping you safe. Safe from Harald and those that came after him."

Tears were falling down her face, her bottom lip and chin trembled. Fa'Sien held onto her shoulder and Soriba held on tightly to his other hand. They looked like they were all clinging to each other for dear life.

He shook his head, "I don't think you really know, Soahni... just how many risked their lives to keep you safe." 

He let out a long breath, "The Bear didn't know your actual date of birth, but he thought it was shortly after Jyrik was sealed up in Sarthaal. It was early First Era the year 139, Harald had just ordered the campaign against the last of your people... near Lake Honrich."

She buried her face in her hands, such a gut wrenching sob tore from her that his own eyes welled up just watching her... feeling the pain that radiated off from her.

Fighting to control his own voice now, "Thane Mera had been told by the Arch Mage, that your parents had traveled with a Nord family that was keeping them hidden. They felt the last place anyone would look for a Snow Elf, was where it all began." 

Jorcun's voice was strained with emotion, going almost to a whisper. "That's all Ulfric's father had told him about that. But Ulfric told me when he was real young, way before he even went to the Grey Beards, he asked his father why it was so important that you be kept safe. His answer, was, 'that it was imperative that they do all in their power to try to right the wrongs. There would be no more Falmer blood on our people's hands.'

Even with all he had just said, she still couldn't find relief. She knew Savos wouldn't have done this! Never, would he have done it! She _knew_ what controlled him! 

Ak'Soud lit the bowl and passed it to Jorcun, who took it willingly, a thankful look on his face. He took a hit, passing it to Vilkas. Mohg had gotten up and was refilling their cups again. Her face was red from her tears, instead of being relieved she looked even more upset. He didn't understand... he blew out the smoke. 

"You should be relieved, Soahni... I don't- "

Letting loose of Vilkas' hand, she stood up! "You can't let them open it! You have to stop it! Please!"

He shook his head, taking his cup from Mohg. "I'm no happier about it than you are Soahni, believe me."

She stepped toward him, around the table. Vilkas was on his feet, coming towards her! She was panicked, her voice raised. "No! You don't understand! It's down there, Jyrik guards it!"

Jorcun stood up, holding his hands out to her, he needed her to calm down. Ajjan opened the bedroom door, peeking her head around to see what the noise was about. 

They were all on their feet. "Soahni, Jyriks dead!" 

He looked at Vilkas, then at the Khajiit. None of them bore a look that calmed him, reassured him. Especially the Khajiit.

Just watching her shake her head, he felt he would be ill. What in all oblivion was going on?! 

"No... he guards it! He is Draugr. He and all those sealed up with him. The thing that started it all, the war between our two peoples... it's down there." She stepped even closer, clasping her hands together, pleading to him. "It's controlling Savos, I know it is. He would have never done this!"

He took her shoulders gently in his hands. "Soahni, please, you need to calm down and talk to me, tell me what you mean."

She took a deep breath, walked back over to her seat and sat down. Vilkas remained standing, in fact, he had backed up till he was standing next to where Jorcun sat... just standing there. His eyes wide, brows gathered. Jorcun knew what that look meant. It was more than just fear and concern on his face. She hadn't told him things. Jorcun looked at him, knowing he needed to be here for her, for his brother. Vilkas needed to pull it together.

Fa'Sien handed her a cup of Sujamma, all eyes were on her. Lifting the cup to her lips, she downed it. "When I was only a small elfling, I found a hidden door deep in the tunnels, one that hadn't been used in so many years it had grown over with vines. I opened it, finding a tunnel that lead to another door. There was such a loud vibration... it shook the floor and the walls." 

He stared at her, his own mouth hanging open. She was right there with them, but her eyes.... the small hairs on him were standing at attention. "I pressed my body up to the door... and I heard it. Nahneh came... stopped me. Just like when Vilkas was there..." 

Jorcun's eyes flew to Vilkas, he was in shock! He swallowed, feeling his mouth form the word 'What?' There was evidently a whole lot he hadn't been told.

"Fa'Sien stopped me, before I could do what it said..." She looked at Vilkas, "When you didn't see me, and then my hair was cut." Her eyes went down into her lap. "He had to stop me... hit me with lightning. I would've killed you all... then, I would've opened the door... bringing ruin to everyone." 

Tears fell down her face, "I would've done anything it said... it would have used me as its weapon." She looked up at Vilkas, "That's why I couldn't stay! I couldn't tell you... I had to get away from it!" 

Jorcun could feel the fear coming off of Vilkas, fear and unsurety. He raised a hand to him, trying to stay him, shaking his head. They would definitely be having a talk before he left. "Soahni... what is it?" 

She shook her head. "I've only seen it in my dreams. It showed me visions, showed me..." Tears rolled down her cheeks, her voice choked, "It showed me, how it turned our people against each other, how it poisoned the minds of the ones in control... the hatred that it spread through them, like a venom!"

She set down the cup, wiping her hands over her face. "Its a giant blue ball, with language on it... symbols older than I know. I don't know what it is or where it came from... but it's old. Older than my people!"

Soahni's eyes were raw, she looked terrified! "If they open that place, if they find it... it will destroy them. It wanted me... it will use the Mer against the rest. You have to stop them Jorcun... please... I beg you!" 

She was on her feet again. Fa'Sien standing with her, he looked at Vilkas accusingly, than back at her. _What a time for him to abandon her!_

Jorcun stood, he came up to her, glancing over quickly at Vilkas. Very gently, he took her hands in his, "I will do all I can, I promise. Let us get some rest, eat and think about this other situation as well. I want you all to be safe here, before I leave for Winterhold."

He let her loose and turned, seeing Ajjan in the hallway, the door was cracked. He motioned for her to come, then his eyes caught sight of Vilkas, heading toward the bedroom door. "Vilkas... I'd like a word..." 

He stopped in his tracks, but he could tell he wasn't happy about it. And he wouldn't give even a glance in her direction.

He looked down at the pregnant Khajiit, "How is he?"

"He is well, he drank the broth and some more potion. But he was feeling closed in, Ajjan opened the window. The fresh air will soothe him." She went over to sit with Ak'Soud. 

It was his wolf, he couldn't stand to feel shut in. It would drive him crazy. They would have to keep him doped up till he could go outside. They wouldn't dare leave a window open once night fell.

Jorcun looked at Fa'Sien, "I want that letter kept under lock and key! It's important!" Fa'Sien picked it up, nodding. It would be done as he said. 

**

Holding onto the balcony railing, he heard Vilkas walk up next to him and stop.

Jorcun looked out over the forest, he had never spoken to Vilkas the way he was about to. But with the way he had acted inside, when he should've been at her side, comforting her, the situation at hand.

They didn't look at each other, "Is that your woman in there!" 

It wasn't a question.

The words that came out of Jorcun's mouth floored him. He instantly turned, staring at him in amazement! "Yes, she is!"

Good, now he had his attention. "Do you love her?"

Vilkas turned back toward the forest, "Of course I do.... I took her purity." 

Now it was Jorcun's turn to stare! "And yet, you falter... you're unsure. How can you _not_ be there for her!" His hand was pointed in the direction of the house. 

Vilkas turned back to him, "Do you not think that I haven't _wanted_ to be there! I'm not worthy! This... all of it! It is scaring me to death Jorcun!" 

"Who among us would be worthy Vilkas?! None! No one would be worthy, except a male of her own race! But that was _all_ taken from her!" 

He raised his hand to point at him, "If your brother was able, he would be out here telling you the same! Berating you, the way you need to be!" 

Jorcun raised his head, looking down at him even further. "You had no business taking that from her, if you weren't strong enough to stand by her side!"

Vilkas bit the inside of his cheek, holding his temper. He fought to keep his voice down. "You don't think I didn't struggle over that as well! I struggled with the fact that I was falling in love with her, look at who we are Jorcun! Should I turn my back on everything? My ancestors?! Believe they were blood thirsty murderers, against everything I've been taught?!"

"You forget Vilkas, they're my ancestors as well, and I will never turn my back on them. But Vilkas, _our own people hid them! What does that say?!_ Not just her family, but many others as well, from what Ulfric's father told him. Do you not think, that if Ysgramor could see now the horrible deeds done in his wake, that if he had a chance to redo some of it, he wouldn't? Do you think that the only men who fall prey to blood lust, are the ones that are befallen with this curse?!" 

He pointed toward the doors again, "We know now what played the role of instigator, now I have to try and stop it again."

He turned away, leaning his backside against the railing. Vilkas just stared at him in disbelief and shame. He looked like a lad, that had just received a good going over by his father. 

"Vilkas, we have a chance to change history... to possibly start over. Blast it, we are changing history! She is so important! The Bear was right... everyone that hid her, we can't let her down!" 

He stepped away from the railing, his hands going up to his head running through his hair. "I don't understand Vilkas... how you could question your feelings for her." 

All he could think about, was what he had felt coming off of Farkas, and how Vilkas had backed away from her inside when she'd needed his strength so badly. 

He started to walk towards the doors and stopped. "I want you to do the right thing, for the right reasons. But I can't go back in that house, without telling you... if _you_ don't do the right thing by her Vilkas, someone else will!" 

Without another word, Jorcun walked inside the house leaving him there, his mouth agape, feeling an inch tall. Everything he had said, was true... every word. 

He took a deep breath, turning toward the forest. How could he fight the fear inside him? All of his doubts, all of his questions. Everything he had ever known. 

How could he ever protect her, when it had taken countless to do so over the many years. The more he found out about all the horrible things that had been done, the more fear he felt... the more he questioned who he was and what he fought for. 

**

Farkas lay in Jorcun's bed. Having to lay there while the drama unfolded in the main room had about killed him. That was when he had asked Ajjan to open the window. He couldn't stand having to lay in bed, not being able to move. Not being able to be out there with everyone.

Then, hearing Jorcun give his brother the talking to, that he just had outside. 

Listening to them. Jorcun's last words replaying in his mind. His chest clenched up, was it actually possible for him to feel more pain? Yes. Yes it was. Eyebrows gathering as he struggled to get his hand to his face without groaning in agony.

Holding his hand over his eyes, shielding them from no one, he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** In one of the Ancient Falmer tomes that you can acquire during the Dawnguard quest, it states that numerous Falmer were hidden in other people's homes. It doesn't give the race of those that were hiding them. But they definitely weren't Falmer. So another race, or races, were hiding them, trying to keep them safe. I can only assume that there were some Nords that possibly took pity on them, that perhaps didn't agree with the genocide that was taking place.**
> 
> After doing a little more study into the time frame I was working around, and the age of the college versus the time frame that Jyrik would've been sealed inside Sarthaal. Of course in no book that I've found, does it give an exact year to the dealings with Gauldur and his sons, it just gives a time frame. Harald was High King at the time, not only responsible for ordering the murders of the Gaulder brothers, but striking their names and deeds from all record as well. He was also the one that led the final campaigns against the Falmer, driving the remainder of them underground.


	35. Fighting The Urge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He clutched the edge of the bed, nodding, he couldn't speak. She had to get away before he grabbed her! Before he decided to take, what he knew they both wanted.
> 
> Just the fact, that he had the urge to do that... he knew, his wolf was trying to make his decisions for him. Compounding how he already felt.

*************

The urge to climb on his horse and leave, was the most overwhelming. But he couldn't.

He hadn't been so chewed out by another man like that in years. Not since he was just a lad. Kodlak had been the last one, in fact. There hadn't been too many times. What made it worse, was the fact that he was right! That pissed him off more than anything. Now, he had to go back in there and face him... face her.

He felt like an ass, but he just couldn't deny everything that weighed on his heart... his mind. He couldn't pretend like he didn't feel what he felt and just go on where they'd left off. But he couldn't deny what he still felt for her either. 

Jorcun was like a brother to him, he was his friend. He was embarrassed. 

Not only that, his brother was here... injured, after saving _his_ life! He looked out over the forest, blowing out a deep breath. Jorcun's last words still ringing in his ears. He couldn't help but wonder... he knew what he meant, he was no fool. But who? Who would dare to try and take his place? 

There was no one. Jorcun had just met her, but that hadn't kept him from putting him in his place over her either... defending her. He couldn't fret over it, there was enough going on already.

He walked toward the doors. Stopping just before them, his mind lost in thought again. With the shape his brother was in and the cause of the Falmer gathering still unknown, he was going nowhere. But they couldn't stay gone like they had, and not send word to Jorvaskr either. They had told Skjor they would be back... but when?

They needed to hunt down a courier, word needed to be sent that Farkas was injured and that he would be staying to tend to him. They could leave the rest out. 

He took a deep breath and walked in. 

***********

She watched, tears running down her face, as Vilkas stepped out onto the balcony. Fa'Sien wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back as she buried her face into his chest. How he had looked at her, the way he had backed away... 

She had a feeling about what Jorcun wanted to talk to him over as well. All the Khajiit had watched his reactions to how Vilkas had acted. And after how affectionate Vilkas had been the first night he'd been here with her. Now this.

As soon as the doors opened, she pulled away, wiping her face. She wouldn't let him see her brought to tears over him. The fact that it was only Jorcun was giving her some relief.

He looked at her, the Khajiit huddled around her. Coming down the stairs towards them. "Soahni, I know how urgent it is for me to get to Winterhold, but I really need to talk to Farkas tonight, I have to find out about what happened here." 

He ran his hand down over his face, combing his fingers through the scruff. He looked tired. "I also need to rest, my horse needs to rest. The last I saw of that ruin, it was still buried."

Vilkas interrupted him, coming down the stairs. "It was the last I saw it as well." Turning his eyes to her, "Is it still?"

She nodded, swallowing... fighting her tears. She couldn't look at him, she turned her gaze to Jorcun. "I will try to heal him a little more, make him as comfortable as possible..." She walked away, heading toward the bedroom. Completely walking around him, as if he wasn't even there.

He looked down at the floor, watching her from the corner of his eye. Jorcun asked Mohg to tend to the horses, Soriba and Fa'Sien went into the kitchen area to gather bread and cheese. The soup was ready, they all needed to eat, all the stress had worn them down. Tension dominated the whole room, almost as if it were a tangible thing.

As soon as they were alone, Jorcun put a large hand to his shoulder. Shaking his head slowly... he spoke low. "Farkas was right, you are the most pig headed man, I think I have ever met. " The scowl on the smaller twin's face broke him into a laugh.

Jorcun looked up at the ceiling. "I take that back, there is one other that is worse than you." He didn't need to say it. 

Vilkas huffed, brushing his friend's hand off. "I see my brother has been singing my praises."

Jorcun laughed even more, one hand on his stomach, the other, slapping him hard on the arm. 

He turned his head away, fighting to keep the stern look on his face. "I'm heading over to Falkreath, I need a courier. We have to send word to Jorvaskr. With Farkas hurt, and the problems with the Falmer... you having to leave for Winterhold. They're going to be short for awhile. I'll stay there tonight, come back in the morning."

Jorcun nodded, letting out a sigh. "Aye, mayhap if they know you're staying, helping with Farkas, no one else will come. We don't really need to share this situation with anyone else right now."

Vilkas turned, heading to his room to fetch his armor and his new sword. Jorcun watched him. Perhaps it was best, it would give him some space to think things over. He sat back down and picked up the pipe, tapping it on the basin. 

*********

Walking up to the door, she paused briefly to listen. She could hear Ak'Soud, quietly speaking with Farkas. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open, stepping inside. She immediately stopped, taking in a sharp breath. Farkas was sitting up, and he was relieving himself. 

Soahni whirled around, hitting the door face first. She burst through, holding her nose!

The last thing she heard while running to the bathing room, was Ak'Soud's laughter. Working the pump, waiting for the cold water to fill the basin, she ran her hand over her nose and lips, the healing instantly took effect. Rolling up her sleeves, she splashed the cold water over her face. At least he hadn't been facing her.

************

Panic was all over his face, red blotches consumed his cheeks. Ak'Soud was still laughing, holding his good shoulder so he wouldn't fall over. He was trying hard to make it into the bucket. Holding onto himself with his weak hand, his good hand holding onto the cackling feline.

As soon as she came in, his hand jerked, missing the bucket and spraying the floor. Ak'Soud was about in tears, Farkas rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you think this is funny." 

Even with the embarrassment, just watching the cat... hearing him, he was fighting laughter. "Come on... it hurts too much to laugh."

Ak'Soud fought to get more serious, "That is no good... when you cannot laugh, my friend."

Ak'Soud just shook his head, letting out a deep breath. He knew there was something between his friend and the elf. He wouldn't speak it though. When Farkas was ready, he would tell him. He could only give him support and hope things worked out for the brothers. So much complication was not good. Especially when the smaller one was so serious.

"Jorcun wants to talk to you, maybe you should smoke first... yes? It will lighten you up, my friend." 

He shook himself off best he could. His shoulder was killing him. He looked up at the cat, a forlorn look on his face. The tiger stripes pinched up, ears went back and his hands went to his hips. "This one will not be helping you with that!" 

His face split into a huge grin, he wanted to laugh so bad. 

Ak'Soud used his foot to push the bucket away. They could both hear her approach the door this time, she was preparing to knock. "Come in Soahni, he is done..." He looked down at Farkas, "Are you able to hold yourself up?" He nodded, looking back down to his knees. 

"This one will have Ajjan bring in some soup and bread... yes? You will need your strength."

She held the door open for him and walked toward the bed. Seeing that he was still bare, she stayed at his back, stopping at the side of the bed. "You can sit up... that's good." 

She cleared her throat, her eyes combing over his back, all the way down to his muscular backside that he was doing absolutely nothing to hide. The fine, ebony hairs that graced the cleft, moving downward... drawing her eyes in like a magnet's pull. She turned her head, closing her eyes, swallowing, "Um... I told Jorcun I would heal you, he wants to talk after we eat."

He nodded, fingering the edge of the bed with his good hand. "Alright..." 

Knowing he was showing a good part of his arse, he could feel her eyes moving over him. He didn't care at that point. Not only were the potions Ak'Soud had given him kicking in, but she had seen it. He wasn't in the mood to rush to cover up every time she came in the room. That didn't mean he wanted her watching him piss though. 

He'd done some wild things with other women before. Letting them hold him while he went... that sort of thing. One of them had even wanted him to piss on her while they busy doing stuff. He wasn't sure if he could do anything like that with her though. He felt different about her. How she made him feel confused him, it scared him.

All he could think about while the light swirled around him, was the conversation he'd overheard between his brother and Jorcun. The pain he felt coming off of her, and how every time she was with him, it seemed to turn into something else.

He could literally feel the tissue in his back and shoulder, knitting back together. It wasn't really a painful feeling, but an extremely strange sensation. She knelt onto the bed behind him, placing one hand on the mattress to balance herself and lifting the other to hover around his thigh, so she could heal his wound without seeing him further. Her eyes moved up from his shoulder. His hair had fallen around his face, hiding him from her. 

He closed his eyes, trying not to think about her closeness and concentrate on how much better he felt.

He was starting to actually feel some real relief now. Having some mobility would definitely put him in a better mood. Now he could get off from his left side and sleep on his stomach. Between her and the potions, he might even be able to get up and walk tomorrow. Have a bath... that just made his mind go to her. The thought of her helping him, the thought of seeing her wet... bare. The thought of seeing her white skin against his... 

Her soft words directly behind his head, feeling her breath in his hair, snapped him out of it. "I'm done now Farkas, Ajjan will bring you in some dinner."

He clutched the edge of the bed, nodding, he couldn't speak. She had to get away before he grabbed her! Before he decided to take what he knew they both wanted.

Just the fact that he had the urge to do that, he knew his wolf was trying to make his decisions for him. Compounding how he already felt. Without the blood, he didn't know if he could ever be that aggressive with a female. Of course, they'd had it so long, he didn't remember what it was like to be with a woman without the blood.

Ajjan had brought him in some clean clothing for later, it lay folded in a pile. He eyed the breech. As soon as the door closed, he was going to get it on.

***********

Ajjan carried out his empty dishes. Not wanting him to eat alone, Ak'Soud and Jorcun had both eaten with him. Then the three of them shared the pipe. Jorcun agreed, he had needed it. Ak'Soud wasn't one to give bad advice. Farkas looked much happier. How long that would last, he wasn't sure. A whole lot of heavy stuff was about to come down.

Jorcun waited till Ak'Soud left to talk.

Farkas sat up on the bed, his good leg folded under him. He took a deep breath, "I was drunk... real drunk. I got upset, went out and changed." His eyes were far away, like he was seeing it all again. 

"I didn't mean to, I just... anyway. By the time I was done with the change, the alcohol was all gone. I took off, hit a group of bandits and ate." He rubbed his hands through the growth on his face. 

Jorcun just watched him and listened. Feeling the emotion pour off from him, watching it play out all over his face. Farkas was one of the most passionate men, so in tune with everything around him. He didn't need words... not like a lot of other men he knew. Depth... insight. He could usually tell what kind of person you were, and what you were feeling, just by being in your presence. He said he could feel it.. sense it. That he'd been like that since he was a tiny lad. 

His grandmother would've said he had the gift. She had told him before of the gifts some twins had. Some that weren't even a twin had it. Empath... even the reverse of that. Whatever Farkas was feeling, everyone around him felt it. He could lighten up a whole room... or darken it. That alone had made him happy more than once, that his friend was usually in good spirits. 

But in battle... he'd seen Farkas bring seasoned men to their knees, dropping their weapons, begging for their lives. One had even pissed himself once. In battle, Farkas was fierce... deadly. And any who stood against him, not only saw it, but felt it. 

Ak'Soud had told him how Farkas had acted the night he'd arrived with his brother. How affected he'd been and how they had all watched him, knowing. And how Vilkas had been so caught up in Soahni, that he'd been oblivious to what his brother was going through. Perhaps that was a good thing, considering.

The cats had the gift as well. More so than most humans, even more than a lot of the Mer. And he was positve that was why Farkas had so easily gotten close to all of them so fast.

Even without the blood, Farkas would have the gift. His brother, more than likely had some of it too. Except he was too uptight to feel it or be aware of it. He over thought everything to death. So afraid to feel. 

He kind of felt the same way about the Altmer. It wasn't that they didn't feel, they simply chose not to give in to it... acknowledge it, or allow it to control them. Was it because they felt it weak to feel? Perhaps, but he thought it was much more than that. Deep down, he believed it was an inner defense mechanism. If one doesn't succumb to the powers of love, they will not suffer for it or because of it. 

The Bosmer on the other hand, were in tune with nature and their surroundings. Much like the Khajiit. Most of the woodland people that he had met, were happy, easy going... and caring. Much the way that Farkas was.

Jorcun knew he'd learn enough, just from this one sit down, to at least tide them over till he got back from this Gods forsaken trip that he had to make.

Farkas grabbed one of the bottles Jorcun had snuck in for him and downed it. Cotton mouth. "I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. So I decided to go back, just for a look. Before I even got to the house, I could smell them, feel them..." 

His voice lowered to a whisper, Jorcun could see the small hairs on him raise up, smell the adrenaline... hear his heartbeat quicken. "Out on the forest bed, just off the road. I slowed down to a crawl, hugging the ground. The closer I got, the more I could see..." He looked up at Jorcun, the fear that showed in his eyes wasn't from fear for himself, but for her... for them.

"I saw them Jorcun... fifteen of them. They were crawling all over the house. Not trying to get in, but focused around the doors and windows. Especially around her's... smelling and sniffing."

He swallowed, Jorcun handed him another bottle and he drank, "I stepped on a twig, froze... they didn't even hear, they didn't even know that I was there until Vilkas walked out onto the balcony..." 

He couldn't... he shook his head, trying to get the picture out! His chest clenched up. Jorcun could feel it, he leaned forward putting a hand to his good shoulder. 

"There was only two left alive after it was all done. Soahni screamed." He would never forget it. "Jorcun, as soon as she screamed, they stopped! It all stopped! They turned in her direction for a moment and then left." 

Jorcun nodded taking a drink, lowering the bottle to balance it on his thigh. "So far not another one has been seen. But you and I both know... they're around." 

He stood up, walking toward the door. "It might take some time before we figure this out. If this is the first that she's been away from Sarthaal, we may just be seeing the beginning of it. Ajjan locked your window, yeah?" 

He blew out a deep breath, rolling his eyes. "Yeah... no fresh air at night."

Facing the door before walking out, he looked down, his head turned slightly toward Farkas. For some reason he felt the need to say it... he didn't know if he'd regret it tomorrow. "Your brother went to Falkreath, said he won't be back till morning... I just thought you should know." 

Farkas stared at him, nodding... "Goodnight Jorcun."

************

Damned potions knocked him out, he would be more thankful for the sleep, if it wasn't for the nightmare that came with it. He relived it over and over... shaking the body that he'd held between his jaws. Squeezing, until he felt it's small bones snap under his grip. Tasting the blood run down his throat...

His eyes had shot open, his thrashing around bringing him out of sleep. The bedding under him was clenched up in his fists, he was on his back.. He breathed deep, his eyes went to the window. He wanted some air so bad. His whole body was covered in beads of sweat, the breech stuck to him. A soft knock sounded at the door... her voice, like music. "Farkas..." 

He pushed himself up, his back was sore, evidently he had turned in his sleep. She opened the door, just a crack. "Are... are you alright? Do you need anything?"

He swallowed, licking his lips. "I could use some water..." 

She came in, holding a bucket and smiling. Closing the door behind her, "I had just gotten some for myself, when I passed the door and heard you."

Sitting down on the edge, the bucket at her feet. She lifted the ladle, bringing it to his lips. He took it, drinking it down, she gave him another. Watching him, "You're soaked... here, this will make you feel better..."

She bent over, dunking a rag into the bucket, squeezing it out. Farkas sat there, letting her bring the cool rag to his face. He closed his eyes as she slowly ran it over his skin, wiping the sweat off. It felt good... now if he could concentrate on that, and not the thin nightgown she wore or how it clung to her skin... her petite breasts... her hips. Showing him just enough underneath to want a closer look.

She dunked the rag again, squeezing it out. He swallowed, opening his eyes as it touched his neck. She wasn't looking at his face, she was looking where the rag was going. Her pale blue eyes combing over his skin, the pink around her ears, getting darker and darker by the second... a strap fell off her shoulder leaving it bare, he wanted to see her... 

She raised a hand, pushing her hair back, not minding the strap. Running the rag over his chest. She dunked it again, squeezing it out. Bringing it back to his chest. It felt so, so good. Running it down his abdomen, her hand was flat against the cloth, she slowed... feeling along the planes of his muscle underneath.

He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wall. His hips rose against her hand, and he sucked in a breath. She had stopped... she was silent.

The cloth and her hand, still resting at the edge of his breech. He strained against the soft leather, the tip of his swollen head was barely covered and he was wet... 

He tried to let out a breath... and moaned, he had lost the fight. 

He grabbed her hand, pulling it down over his manhood, pushing it down hard as he ground his hips farther upward. 

She gasped, squeezing her legs tighter together, looking up to his face. He opened his eyes... they were yellow.

His other hand shot up, wrapping around her throat! He moved so fast she couldn't react. Within seconds, she was on her back and he was on her... in between her legs, pushing them apart with his! One hand held one of her wrists... the other, fisted in her hair. His mouth came down onto hers, his tongue pushing her lips apart... she moaned against him.


	36. Underneath {1}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wanted to look into her eyes as he breached her, his forehead resting on hers, their mouths connected. He took himself in hand and rubbed the head of his manhood through her slick folds.
> 
> Her eyes stayed locked with his as she gasped for air against his mouth, her brows gathered together. Almost as if pleading for him. Her hips moving, rubbing her wet entrance over his swollen head. 
> 
> She was soaked. He took her bottom lip between his teeth and pushed.

**

He broke away from her mouth, knowing he had to get control or he would hurt her. As soon as he released the hold he had on her wrist, both of her arms immediately went around his neck, clinging to him. 

Resting his forehead against hers, their noses touching. All he could do for just a moment was breathe against her. Clenching his teeth together, it was taking everything he had.

He swallowed, breathing heavily through the words. "Don't be afraid..."

She didn't answer. Her light blue eyes looked up into his, her neck straining to move her mouth closer, trying to connect with him. She wasn't afraid... the fear that he felt was his own.

Reaching down, he ripped the breech off, letting himself free. She literally arched her back, pushing into him. He pulled free from her arms. Lifting up and away from her, he sat back onto his knees, his bottom resting on the heels of his feet. He grabbed her legs, lifting them and her, up over his thighs. Taking hold of the cloth that separated them, he tore it up along her front until it fell away and leaned back down over her, settling in.

He wanted to look into her eyes as he breached her, his forehead resting on hers, their mouths connected. He took himself in hand and rubbed the head of his manhood through her slick folds. 

Her eyes stayed locked with his as she gasped for air against his mouth, her little brows gathered together. Almost as if pleading for him. Her hips moving, rubbing her wet entrance over his swollen head. 

She was soaked. He took her bottom lip between his teeth and pushed.

**

Jorcun lay in his bed, listening. Listening as Farkas thrashed around in the bed, growling. The constant ripping sound of the linens being torn to shreds. He knew the feather mattress would have to be replaced tomorrow. He could also hear Soahni... in her bed in her room, weeping.

She had walked past Farkas' room three times. Pausing to knock each time, and leaving just before she had the courage to do so.

It wouldn't have made any difference. Farkas had gotten up right after he had walked out and locked his door. He knew he would fall prey to weakness. He didn't want to and yet he did.

Hearing him in there, tearing the bed apart, Jorcun knew Farkas would have hurt her. He wanted her. He would've marked her, and that would've destroyed what he had with Vilkas. Their relationship wouldn't have survived it. And that would kill Farkas. Truth be told... it would kill them both.

Vilkas needed him. He needed him to be whole. Just as Farkas needed his brother. Each incomplete without the other.

**

He didn't regret taking the pain remedy from his brother's nightstand. With everything that was happening, he had needed the rest. But even with that, nightmares had come. The night Farkas had saved him... almost losing him. Then it had been about her. Her people. The Falmer.

The time he had spent inside Sarthaal, it had been all distorted. His mind, conjuring up images of when his ancestors had lived there.

He had dreamt of slaughter. The senseless slaughter of his people.

His heart, so full of rage and hatred. He wore an ancient Atmoran's set of armor. The kind he'd seen dozens of times in old tombs. The kind he could envision Ysgramor wearing. But he knew that wasn't right. He was on his way to Lake Honrich. He would've worn the armor of the time... his mind was twisting everything.

They had burst into the house. The Nord family was taken. The man of the house would be killed outside for harboring the Falmer scum! The woman and children would all be taken back to Windhelm.

Down in the cellar, they had hidden like rats. A whole group of them. His vision blurred, then tunneled in on one small female, cringing in the corner under a table.

He could hear the others being killed. The males fell, their cowardly magic no use against all the rage of revenge that had waited so long to finally be sated!

The females were being raped... he could hear their screams. No child would be spared, lest they rebuild their numbers.

She was so tiny, if he hadn't looked closer she might have actually escaped them. Putting a hand to the table's edge, he threw it aside and stared down at her!

His brother stood at his side, ebony hair so long it was tied with a leather strap at his mid-back. Full beard down to his chest, hanging in braids. His armor bore the blood splatter from his kills. His large paw of a hand, came down onto Vilkas' shoulder. "Why do you wait, brother? Take her, then give her a taste of your other blade." His deep laugh reverberating off the stone walls.

All of the other screams had ceased.

He glared down at her, huffing out a breath. His guts filled with disgust! "I have no use for Elf flesh!"

Without a single other thought, he plunged his broadsword through her!

All of a sudden, he was himself again... wearing his wolf armor. His brother was beside him, but he was on his knees... covered in bandages. And he was weeping. 

He looked down at his hand, on the hilt of his sword. Still warm blood, had splattered up onto him. He started shaking... he couldn't look! Swallowing, squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that wanted to escape, only to have them roll down his face anyway.

He knew... _he knew_ who was on the other end of his blade. He couldn't look... he couldn't face it!

Over and over the nightmare had continued, starting over and ending at the same gut wrenching end. He had finally woken, covered in sweat, his chest clenched up in agony! He had buried his face into the pillow and wept.

Riding back to Jorcun's, it was all he could think about. He felt sick inside. He knew his own fears had come to haunt him. He would not stand coward to them! Fear would not rule him! 

Regardless of what the past held, he was no murderer! He was a defender!

He knew what Jorcun had said was correct. So many wrongs had been done. He couldn't take on the weight of what their ancestors had done. Her's or his! What mattered, was what they did now to prevent her from being lost. What mattered, was him keeping it together for her, for his brother and for the Companions.

He wouldn't regret who he was. Nor would he regret whom he loved.

But even with all that, what she spoke of... the force, the power under Sarthaal. The power it had held over her and over their ancestors. It terrified him. The fact that after all these centuries, it still longed for blood, for destruction.

Riding towards the stables, something white landed on his shoulder catching his attention.

Craning his head to look... it was a feather.

**

General Tulliius stood along with her as she pulled her gloves on to leave. Rikke stood at the opposite end, leaning down over the table, her eyes scanning over the maps and the known locations of Ulfric's camps. 

Both of them would be relieved once she left. Although regular visits were necessary, that didn't mean they were at all comfortable.

Two male Justiciars stood at her side. A group of Dominion soldiers, waited outside to escort the envoy back to the Embassy. She turned to Tullius, "I will be expecting word General, as soon as he makes his decision." 

Tullius nodded to her. The Dovakiin had spoken to both sides... them and Ulfric.

Jorcun was raised Imperial. But they all knew that he was long friends with Ulfric. They had both fought together, and he wanted to try and find a way for Ulfric to be pardoned. The Emperor wouldn't have it. And Ulfric's pride, would never allow him to give up. Not now. It was too late. What they needed was for him to make his choice, who would he stand with? 

Jorcun, even though he was continuing to help them in many of their endeavors, had refused thus far, to take a serious stance for either side.

The Emperor was sure sooner or later it would be with the Imperials. They all, including the Thalmor, stood wait.

An Imperial guard walked into the room with a Nord courier at his side. "General Tullius sir, this courier states he has a delivery for the Ambassador."

Elenwen rolled her eyes, longing to be away from them herself. She was quite sure they felt the same. She began pulling her gloves back off, one finger at a time. The courier stepped forward, "It's urgent... from the College..." 

She glared at him, ripping the letter from his hands, she stared down her nose at him. "Dismissed!"

Moving to the side to open it, she turned away from the Nords in the room, the two Justiciars standing at her back. For a Nord to deliver it, only meant one thing. Some of their couriers had been found dead, and or, were missing. She knew exactly who was at work in that.

_Ambassador,_

_I believe my first attempt to reach you has failed. Thus, I have sent this letter to Castle Dour and a duplicate to the Embassy, with strict instructions to only be placed into your hands!_

_Although this may seem... unbelievable at best...._

She continued reading, her eyes growing larger with every word. Once finished, she folded the letter and turned, staring at Tullius and Rikke. A decision had to be made. They had to claim rule over this situation before anything else happened... before the female was found by another!

"It seems, General... that a live, unchanged, untainted, female Falmer has been seen." 

Rikke's goblet hit the stone floor. Tullius and Elenwen both stared at her. Her mouth agape, "A what!"

Elenwen folded her hands, the letter was held tightly in between them. She took in a deep breath, "It seems that the college in Winterhold has been harboring her for centuries..." 

She cleared her throat, "The same college, that now intends to open up Sarthaal for study purposes."

She watched closely as Rikke folded her arms, her face pulling into a look of pure furious contempt. Elenwen could tell she was doing her best not to appear affected. She also knew that none of this may seem like anything to the General, but Rikke was Nord, she was born here. 

"I will be sending two letters today. One to Alinor and one to the Emperor... under Imperial and Thalmor escort, of course. Evidently, upon my Justiciar finding out about her, she fled Winterhold... " 

It was most fortunate that she had been here when the courier had arrived. There was a ship at the ready, going to the Isles. And a group of Imperial Soldiers, accompanied by Thalmor Justiciars and Domion soldiers would go by horseback into Cyrodiil. 

The letter to the Emperor, would show that the Thalmor were aware of her and that she must not be harmed! She was to be protected at all costs! Until she could be moved to a secure local away from the Nords. 

Tullius let out a huge sigh, rubbing his temples with his fingers. Rikke walked up to him, talking low between them. "This needs to be kept quiet! If towns people hear about this and she is found, she will probably be killed! People are already in an uproar. With the war, dragons and now this!" 

Elenwen walked closer to them both, "Of course... and that is exactly why your men and mine, will search the towns. I don't want any of the town guard to catch wind of it! Everyone will know if that happens!"

She turned to the two Justiciars, "Once she is found, she is to be guarded! Watched! But not allowed to leave her location! She needs to be questioned, we need to find out if there are others! I want carriage drivers questioned as well as to anyone suspicious that has traveled from Winterhold." 

She knew as soon as word reached Alinor, they would send reinforcements. She would have to be guarded without hampering with their efforts here.

Tullius nodded to Rikke, "A group of my soldiers will accompany yours Elenwen, it will be the best way to avoid any resistance." What concerned him more, was her soldier's methods.

She walked into the next room, her Justiciars rushing to retrieve parchment and quill for her to write.

**

Vilkas walked into the house as Ak'Soud and Mohg were carrying out a ruined feather mattress. The women were all attempting to sweep up feathers that had fallen and lay everywhere. Even with all the confusion he should have had over that, all he could see was her. 

She stood by the fireplace, frustration showing on her beautiful face, as she tried to sweep the escaping feathers into a pile. The temperature evidently too warm, as she wore light robes. Her white hair, pulled back from her face, her cheeks pink... and her ears. Those adorable ears. He smiled.

He walked up to her, took the broom from her hands and let it fall to the floor. A look of shock took over her face, then... sorrow. He'd seen enough of that. He was tired of it being all she felt. And that wasn't what he wanted her to be associating him with. 

Taking her face in his hands, he lowered his forehead down to hers, "Forgive my cowardice... please Soahni. I beg you... I love you."

Tears rolled down her cheeks as he pulled her chin up so he could kiss her. Her arms wrapped around him.

Farkas stood in the doorway of Jorcun's room, watching. Jorcun stood next to him with a hand on his shoulder. They had spoken this morning. Farkas had yet again, very quietly, poured out his heart to him. He knew how the twin felt, he knew how torn he was.

The brothers needed each other, they would also both be here for her. He could feel it, things weren't going to be easy. Sooner or later, one of them would have to go back to Jorvaskr.

He was worried over them, along with everything else that was taking place in Skyrim right now. With both of their minds on her, they would be vulnerable. He didn't want anyone else hurt. Farkas, he knew, wouldn't be able to fight for awhile. 

Slinging his knapsack over his shoulder, he slapped Farkas on the arm. His horse was set to go, supplies and bedroll ready. "I'm off brother. Keep an eye on things for me while I'm gone." 

His eyes went to Jorcun's, "Yeah, I will. You be safe! And get word to us Jorcun, as soon as you can." They took each other by the arm. 

"Will do, Lydia's meeting me on the road. I think I'll need all the help I can get."

Farkas nodded, watching him walk out. His eyes going back to his brother, who was again, oblivious. Wearing just his leggings, he carefully climbed the stairs to the balcony and walked out. Grabbing one of the wine bottles from the table by the door, he walked to the railing and waved goodbye as Jorcun rode down the hill toward the road.

**

Savos had demanded that funds be taken from the college tuitions to hire workers from outside Winterhold. Many of them beggars and men that were wanted. Men that would do any kind of work for the money. The scaffolding had been built, with stairs leading down so safe entry could be made.

The workers all stood back, lowering their shovels. The doorway was finally clear. They could clean it up better once they had rested. What mattered, was that they could now enter. History was about to be made!

Tolfdir and Arniel stood by as Savos walked up to the door, key in hand. It was finally time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a note, in this story Jorcun has wiped out the Dark Brotherhood, so the Emperor is alive and well in Cyrodiil. As I said before, even with the touchiness of who we're dealing with and the political upheaval that's going on, I don't plan to make the civil war and taking sides a priority in this fic. But because of all that, there will be involvement from both sides, along with the Thalmor. I didn't want the Civil war to take precedence over my character and her people's plight. And with that being so personal a thing to most that have played the game, I was afraid that it would if I made it the focus. So it's not.
> 
> I also want to let everyone know, I am leaving some gaps in time between the events that take place in the Companions. Jorcun has the blood, but Skjor and Aela haven't gotten him involved in the fight against the Silver Hand yet. That will be coming up.
> 
> The War and the Companion's situations will be greatly affected by her presence there. Especially the Companions, obviously. I really can't stress that enough.


	37. Withheld

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kept thinking back to the day he'd sat in here and told them what had happened, how vague he'd been. He and Skjor both had known that he was keeping something from them, he wasn't telling all of it.
> 
> Then when they'd sat alone, Vilkas had tried to tell him. He'd tried to get it out then, but he hadn't listened. And now Farkas was hurt, after they'd taken off doing who knew what. If something happened to either of them, because _he_ hadn't listened when he should have, he'd never forgive himself!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Little jumps in time here.** Please remember that even though this chapter seems to lean in the Imperial direction, it is not really against Ulfric either. I ask that everyone have patience till the end. It is definitely NOT pro-Thalmor either. This story because of all it entails will be quite different.
> 
> All lore references that I will be using in this story are taken from the following tomes etc: Lost Legends, Night of Tears, Fall of the Snow Prince, Elder Scrolls Wiki : Snow Elf, The Falmer: A Study, Imperial Report on Saarthal, Bear Of Markarth, Before the Ages of Man (which I actually found some errors in, but will dismiss it), Dialogue with Knight-Paladin Gelebor & Arch-Curate Vyrthur, Ancient Falmer Tomes - Vol. I, II, III, and IV, Pocket Guide to the Empire First Edition: Skyrim, and Ahzidal's Descent (from the Dragonborn quest line)

**

Skjor frowned down at the note that Kodlak had just handed him. The old man had read it, and then read it again, before finally handing it to him. The note was vague to the extreme about what had happened. 

In fact, it literally didn't give any information about how Farkas had been injured, or what his injuries were. The only thing that it said was that Farkas had been injured, was recuperating at Jorcun's, and that Vilkas was staying there to tend to him. 

After reading it for a third time himself, Skjor looked up from the parchment and met Kodlak's eyes, handing it back to him. Kodlak sat back, holding onto the bit of parchment, he closed his eyes for a moment. 

It was late afternoon, he'd changed into just a tunic and leggings. With the pain that he was regularly in now, it was almost unbearable to wear his armor for long periods. And who was he kidding? The farthest he ever got from his room now, was to eat on the back porch on his best days. 

If there was trouble in the direct vicinity that required an armor clad warrior, he _definitely_ wouldn't be the one that would be handling it! That revelation alone, made him feel like less of a man. It made him feel ashamed. The only thing that gave him solace at times, was knowing that many a man and woman faced the very same thing that he now did. The fact that he would die in a sickbed instead of in the glory of battle. 

He wore it as often as possible though, to make himself feel like the man that he'd always been... until he could bear to wear it no more. Then, he changed into what he now wore, hanging his armor on the rack in the corner of his room. Keeping it shined and pristine... waiting for his final ceremony. 

If he was going to be doomed to spend eternity in the shape of a beast, at least he would know his human form had spent it's last moments in it. That was another thing that was eating at him. He'd finally gotten some information that was possibly his last shred of hope to be free from this curse. Not only did it give him hope for himself, but for the twins as well. 

The problem was, he couldn't seem to nail Jorcun down long enough to even speak to him over it. The man was constantly on the run. And now they'd caught word that he was off on some job in Winterhold, Gods only knowing when he'd be returning from that! 

The whole situation that seemed to be brewing was starting to make him feel real fear. Fear that he wouldn't see anything settled, before his eyes saw their last of this place and all that he held dear. He had to find out what was going on with the boys, and he had to get hold of Jorcun. Before he was in such a state from all his constant remedies, and this wretched condition of his, that he couldn't think straight.

Vilkas had given him a fair amount of the smoke that he'd had in his room, as it helped with his appetite, along with the remedies that were having to be made stronger and stronger simply to give him some relief. 

He didn't care for smoking, and only used a tiny bit when he felt he had no other choice. He felt it didn't leave him clear enough at times to make the best decisions, and they never knew when there would be an emergency or someone would come to him. Like now.

Opening up his eyes, after thinking it over he was still confused. He looked up at him. "Were they on a job? I thought Farkas had just come back from there? Vilkas had said to me that he still wasn't ready physically to take anything on, and I agreed with him. I still do. Did you see the wound he received?" 

If they'd gone on a job and Farkas had gotten hurt, it was probably because he was trying to protect his brother. It pained him to think they could lose one of them because they were out when one of them was in a weakened state!

Licking his lips, he sat down across from him. "Well... that's the thing... they weren't on a job. Farkas got back, and was sitting upstairs eating mid-day. All of a sudden, Vilkas grabbed him and yanked him to the door, telling him that they were going back to Jorcun's. Walked right by me without any word as to why, when they'd be back or nothin. They've been gone ever since, and that was, let's see... four days ago now."

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Kodlak slowly nodded his head. Vilkas hadn't been acting right ever since he'd gotten back from up around Winterhold. Ever since he'd gotten hurt. 

He kept thinking back to the day he'd sat in here and told them what had happened, how vague he'd been. He and Skjor both had known that he was keeping something from them, he wasn't telling all of it. 

Then when they'd sat alone, Vilkas had tried to tell him. He'd tried to get it out then, but he hadn't listened. And now Farkas was hurt, after they'd taken off doing who knew what. If something happened to either of them, because _he_ hadn't listened when he should have, he'd never forgive himself!

"Did either of them say anything that you can remember, as to why they would need to go to Jorcun's?"

Skjor sat back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to remember what they'd been talking about. He remembered Njada getting up and leaving, then Aela going after her. They were ribbing Farkas... his eyes went to the floor, almost as if he were staring through it. They were ribbing Farkas, about a girl... and then Vilkas got all serious, asking what her name was.

He swallowed, shaking his head. He could feel his blood starting to simmer! If all this was over some piece of ass, there was gonna be some fucking words when the two of them got back! That's all he knew!

Still shaking his head, he finally looked over at the old man. "They were talking about some woman... an Elf, if you can believe that!"

Now fear had joined in with the regret that was settling in around his heart. A woman. 

Hearing this surprised him. Neither of the boys had ever been foolhardy, or reckless when it came to females, especially Vilkas. In fact, now that he thought of it, he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Vilkas with a woman, let alone mention one. But the way that he'd looked and acted when he'd returned... what he'd felt coming off from him. The fact that he'd been holding so much in. 

Raising his hand, rubbing his forehead deep in thought. He would never normally speak of anything that he and Vilkas spoke about privately, but now he was truly concerned. Honestly, he didn't know what to divulge, if anything at all.

Even though they were Companions, they were still free men. They could go where they pleased. But being Companions, also meant that they had responsibilities there as well. He knew where their hearts were concerning the faction, that they would probably both breathe their last breaths as Companions. 

Their loyalty to him and the rest would never be in question. And right now, in Vilkas' physical state, him taking time to heal and rest was a good thing. It was how he'd acted. The fact that he'd withheld things from them... from him. What he'd said he'd wanted to tell him, and couldn't. Was it this woman? Now he definitely feared that he just should've listened.

If this woman was important enough to him that he would withhold information from them, it more than concerned him! Especially given the fact that he'd been missing for weeks, with them all thinking him dead.

He didn't even look at Skjor when he spoke. He could feel that his line of thinking and what he was feeling coming off from him wasn't correct. It definitely wasn't what was causing this erratic behavior that he was seeing displayed so suddenly in the twins. 

"You're sure it was an Elf? This woman?"

**

Nelacar stood behind the counter, huddled up with Dagur and his wife, while the male Justiciar wiped the blood from his sword. Dropping the gore stained cloth to the floor, he sheathed his weapon and cleared his throat. "I will begin again... "

Raising up a hand to him, one of the two Imperial soldiers in their party finally stepped forward. The Justiciar paused, letting the Imperial speak. He could play this game all day long, it mattered little to him. 

"We know the Elf in question left from here, so you can't tell us that you don't know about her. We also know that she had been residing somewhere within the ruins of Saarthal." Raising up his hand to point in the direction of the College, "and that College up there was keeping her existence hidden!" 

With shaking hands Nelacar lowered his hood, "Why is one Elf so important to the Empire?" His wary eyes shifted to the Dominion soldier and the Justiciar that stood next to him. His voice faltered. "And... and to the Dominion? It's just one Elf."

Estormo's face twisted up in disgust. "Don't play the fool with us, Mage! You are fully aware of her importance!"

The Imperial stepped closer, briefly putting a hand up to Estormo's shoulder. "Uh, look... we're just trying to protect her. This war has stirred up a lot of old aggression between the people in this land. If she's found out, she may not be safe. If you care about her at all, you really need to help us."

Estormo rolled his eyes, swatting the soldier's hand away! For the love of all that was divine! If he had to hear one more word of this sympathetic blather he was going to vomit! 

Haran looked at her husband and slowly edged forward towards the bar. Dagur put his hands up over his eyes and turned his back to lean against the wood, he couldn't stand to see... it was bad enough having to hear it. Tears flowed down Nelacar's face as he looked down at the floor. He couldn't believe it was going to end like this! After centuries of her being protected! 

Attempting to swallow back her own tears, her voice still coming out shaken, "What happens if we truly don't know? Will you kill us too?" Pointing her finger up toward the door, "Like you did them? In cold blood!"

Estormo stepped forward, pushing the Imperial back. "No! You will be arrested! You will be taken to Solitude and questioned in the dungeon of Castle Dour!"

Haran held her hand out to Nelacar, who was about to step forward and spill his guts! She would speak first! If just to be heard! "Arrested?! For what?!"

Immediately Estormo leaned into the bar, and in no more than a second, he had her by the jaw! His other hand going up to the nape of Dagur's neck, fisting up in his tunic to hold him still! His soldier stepped in front of Nelacar, keeping him where he was. 

Glaring into her wide, panic stricken eyes, he smiled speaking through his clenched teeth! "For treason! For accommodating Stormcloak soldiers in your tavern! For withholding much needed information from your Empire and the Dominion!"

Righting his stance, he released his hold on her husband and pushed her away, her back colliding with the wooden beam behind her. Dagur grabbed her, holding onto her and looking over her face. Burying her face into his shoulder, she sobbed. Nelacar stood close to them, laying a hand on her back in sympathy.

Wiping his gloved hand against the side of his robes, like he'd touched something filthy, Estormo looked on their display, sneering at them. "They were killed because they are traitors! They are nothing more than criminals! And any that are encountered will be immediately executed!" 

Smiling at her, he tilted his head. "You, however, can remain in your precious Inn, in this ghost of a worthless town! _if you cooperate!"_

He smiled again, knowing that as he spoke, two squads, one of Imperial Soldiers and one of Dominion soldiers, were entering the Jarl's longhouse preparing to detain him. Where they would remain until further ordered otherwise, and would now be in control of the town. 

"Falkreath... they're just outside of Falkreath." Wiping his face, Nelacar stepped forward. He didn't know how he was going to live with himself after this, but he couldn't risk the whole town's safety. The two guard that they'd all shared meals with daily, lay dead out in the middle of the roadway that went through what was left of the town. Their spilled blood they lay in, long frozen by now. 

He also knew that once they were done with the Inn, they would move on to the College. _If_ they didn't get what they wanted from them right now. Being interrogated in Solitude's dungeon meant torture, then death. That wasn't an option in his eyes, not for himself nor anyone that he cared for. He had to believe what the Imperial had said. They were trying to keep her safe.

"Where at in Falkreath?" The Imperial stepped forward again, eyeing Estormo cautiously. 

"They... they sent a letter out from here, several weeks before they left." Licking his lips, he turned and looked at Dagur. The Nord simply nodding, then turning away, holding his wife. "The Dragonborn has property... right off from the roadway that overlooks Lake Ilinalta. They're staying there."

Just for a moment, Estormo's eyes widened, then narrowed sharply as he turned and glared at the Imperial next to him. He wouldn't say what was going through his mind in front of these subjects. He would save it for later, when they were on their way there.

Turning his gaze back toward the owner and his wife, along with the worthless excuse for an Altmer that was huddled in with them. "Know this, all of you! If so much as one word of whom we are seeking is uttered by any of you, we will know of it!"

Baring his teeth at them, he growled out! "I will come back here for you! And I will cut the treacherous tongues from your mouths! And _that_ will be just the beginning!"

**

Raising his hand to Lydia, she brought her horse to a stop. The scent of fresh blood hung in the air, he could smell it! Along with that, the numerous hoof prints leading into town meant there was definitely trouble. "Stay put, I don't want anyone to see I have company. If I'm in need I'll whistle." 

Nodding her head, she watched silently as he rode into town.

Rounding the corner he paused, taking it all in. At least now he knew what was giving off the smell of blood. The town's guard both lay dead in the middle of the roadway, directly in front of the Inn. Looking past that, numerous Imperial and Dominion mounts were tied to the posts in front of Birna's

The fact that the bodies were being left to freeze to the ground didn't surprise him. They were Stormcloaks, and if they were dead, then he knew what was happening. The Imperials had just taken control over one more of Ulfric's few allies. The question in his mind now, was who would be next? 

He wasn't surprised by any of this, and he'd warned his old and dear friend that this was bound to happen. The Empire wasn't going to back down. They all knew if this wasn't brought to a halt soon, the Thalmor would have full rights to come in and take complete control and there would be naught the Empire could do over it. What was happening now would seem like nothing.

Ulfric kept at him. 'Join me, and that won't happen! Help me restore what once was. Help me restore Skyrim to what she used to be... what she needs to be!'

He remembered the giant sigh that had left him before he'd spoken. The problem was, that their ideas of what Skyrim should be, had become two very separate things. Skyrim needed to grow and change, not move backwards. Doing that would only prove that their people were incapable of adapting to the ever changing world around them. 

He didn't agree with the Thalmor by a long shot! But he had family in the upper echelon of the Empire and he knew the burdens they faced at making the very decisions they'd had to make before signing the treaty. It was either sign or face complete obliteration. An obliteration that wouldn't have ended with them. It would've spread through all of Tamriel like a disease.

At least this way, they could gather their strength and their forces while acting as the Thalmor's ally. Giving them inside information and a greater advantage when the time to strike actually came!

They were waiting for the right time. Problem was, instead of Ulfric seeing that and realizing what the Empire had to do and why, he chose to act on his own. Now their people, and their whole land were torn. They were split, and that just made them weaker before the enemy.

The Empire would regain her foothold! He truly believed that was why he'd been given this gift. He just hadn't wanted to believe that part of the reason he'd been given it as well, was to fight against and protect his own land from the man that had been like a brother to him.

He'd known as soon as Ulfric and his militia had fought for Markarth, and the events that had transpired there, that there would be no turning back. It was right then that he'd left, refusing to take part. The fact that Ulfric had even gathered his own force, was the sign to him of what had taken over his mind. What ruled him. Revenge. The very reason the Thalmor presence was as strong as it was, was literally due to the events at Markarth, and now this. 

The fact that he and many others in their land, now had to draw a blade against their own kinsman was because of those very actions. Because of the man that he'd once fought beside. He loved him. He sympathized with what he'd been through, but he also feared for him. 

He couldn't stand with him. Not this time.

Coming back to the present, he looked at all the mounts. He could pretty much figure where all their riders were. The question in his mind was this... why now? What had spurred this action, and why here? Was it because of what the College was doing? Opening up Saarthal? Or was it because it would be the easiest to take?

Leading his mount further in he pulled on the reigns, stopping in front of the Inn. No sooner than he swung his leg over to dismount, the door opened.

**

As soon as he saw him, absolute devious laughter bubbled up out of his mouth. Attempting half-heartedly to not sound like he was mocking the giant Nord in the midst of this glorious situation, he gained some control and chuckled. Almost as if he'd just heard the funniest thing.

"Ah, Dovahkiin... have you come to aid us in restoring order to Winterhold?"

Coming down the steps, he came within inches of the Nord, his green eyes staring into blue ones. They were the exact same height, impressive for a human. Still, he remained silent, no doubt thinking over his words. "Or have you come to aid the College in the raiding of your ancestor's tomb?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 09/22/17 - As soon as I played through the Dawnguard DLC and read the Falmer tomes, I instantly felt an enormous amount of sympathy for the Snow Elves, which inspired me to write this story. After reading the books in the game and all the lore that I could find, I really felt that a horrible injustice had been done. And after so many years of battle between the races, and the history of attempted genocide that Skyrim seems to be literally founded on, finally now in the current 4th Era time, many of the races seem to simply want peace and to move forward. Even the Companions, who have actually allowed a Mer to join them.
> 
> So saying that, I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if there was a female that remained, and what if she happened to fall in love with a Companion. The very faction that was formed because of the battles at Sarthaal, and began the genocidal campaign to eradicate the Snow Elves. Which just so you know, lore also states that not only were the Snow Elves targeted, but any other races of Mer that were found in Skyrim as well. 
> 
> Also I thought it interesting that several tomes actually state that many Snow Elves fled Skyrim during the battles, and may be still living in other parts of Tamriel or on different continents. ^-^


	38. Containment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He drained his cup and stared into Jorcun's eyes, surprising the giant Nord by leaning in close to whisper in his ear. "They know where she is... "

**

Jorcun stared hard at the Thalmor, fighting to keep his temper at bay. Fighting to keep from saying what he really wanted to fucking say! Instead, he would be polite, hard as it may be.

"I am not here to assist them, Estormo, I am here to find out why it is taking place!"

The red staining the Thalmor's cheeks darkened as he motioned for the others to meet him in the street. He wouldn't provoke him further where the College was concerned. Now that Savos had taken this step and opened the tomb, he would more than likely have more trouble coming than they could handle.

It was a pity that the College and her students would be the ones paying for his poor judgement.

He was a magic user himself, and as much as it rankled him to be cast into the same category as those that weren't Altmer, he did not by any means, want those that practiced the art to be put through further pain at the hands of the backwards thinking Nords.

But again, none of this would be happening had the Dunmer not felt the need to stick his grey nose where it hadn't belonged. Now, as it were, she had been driven from her hiding spot, her place of protection, and it would be their duty to keep her safe. Safe from the very people whose sacred tomb was now being defiled.

For just a moment longer they both stood there, both of them thinking of what they should say and what they shouldn't. Neither wanting to give too much away to the other.

Finally Estormo smiled. Almost a little too big, but he just couldn't help it. While the Dragonborn was traveling to Sarthal, and dealing with that mess, he and his would be traveling to his very residence, the entire time, the Nord thinking that her existence was still unknown.

"I wish you luck in your endeavor Dovahkiin. Now, I must say farewell as my work here is done." His hand raised, motioning to the bloody mess in the roadway. "I am needed elsewhere."

Moving around him, the Justiciar walked down the steps and into the street. Jorcun watched as the elf raised an odd looking item to his dark lips and blew into it, causing an ear splitting sound to come forth.

Almost immediately after the noise sounded, the doors to the Jarl's longhouse and Birna's simultaneously opened. Numerous Thalmor soldiers, several other Justiciars, along with more Imperial soldiers filed out, walking to where he stood with his group that had just exited the Inn.

Now he really started to wonder just how many were actually present there. The two Stormcloak guard that were killed really had stood no chance.

There was no need for him to try and eavesdrop, as the Justiciar spoke loud enough for all to hear. "Out of the group remaining here, I need two Justiciars and two more Imperials to accompany me." His brilliant green eyes flashed to where Jorcun stood, _"No one_ , other than our hero of course" his hand now literally gesturing up to him, "leaves this town! Any couriers are to be questioned and detained until our permanent reinforcements arrive!"

Jorcun crossed his arms, looking on in concern as a battle wagon was pulled around from the path leading to the ruins. Estormo and the two Justiciars that were leaving with him mounted their horses, while the others piled in, leaving one Thalmor soldier to drive the wagon with an Imperial bowman to sit at his side.

_Where in Oblivion were they headed that they needed that many?_

Walking back down the steps, he watched them depart. The others, completely ignoring his presence, walked back to where they'd come from, leaving two Thalmor soldiers that walked toward the Inn to take their places just outside the door.

It was the perfect spot to keep an eye on not only the roadway in, but the entire town. If one got cold or needed to relieve themselves, they could simply pop inside for a moment and be right back out.

And it looked like there was no short supply of relief for them either. The size of the group that had stayed and gone back inside had been considerable, and that wasn't even all that were there. He'd be willing to bet money on it.

More than likely, there had been some that had remained inside the Jarl's longhouse at the very least, to make sure he and his housecarl were watched.

He could feel their eyes upon him as he let out a whistle for Lydia. They needed a drink, a hot meal and some rest so he could decide their next move. It was getting late and if they ended up having to actually go down to the ruins, he wanted the light of morning on his side.

 _That_ just made him think of the group that had just left. It didn't seem to matter to _them_ that the light was getting low. Whoever they were after, he felt for them.

Waiting till she joined him on the porch, he turned and opened the door. The first sound to hit him was weeping.

Sharing a look between them, they slowly stepped toward the bar. Dagur stood there in his normal spot, but he was visibly shaking, and he was holding a tankard. In all the times he'd been here, Jorcun couldn't ever remember seeing him drink where it was visible to anyone. At least not anyone other than his wife or Nelacar. Moving his head to the side, he could see the resident Elf seated behind the bar, holding Haran's hands while she openly wept.

Jorcun kept his voice low, trying to comfort the man. "Dagur, what's happened? Can you tell me?"

Without even speaking, Dagur turned to Nelacar, sharing a glance with the Elf, then turned back to him. His dark brows gathered over red rimmed eyes, fresh tears began to spill as he shook his head. Dagur's lips pressed firmly into a thin line, so tightly they began to show white. He whispered as low as possible, still shaking his head. "He... he said he'd come back... cut our tongues out if we speak."

Haran finally looked up to see who stood inside their Inn. As soon as her eyes fell upon him she stood and walked down the stairs to their living quarters, her hands firmly plastered over her mouth. Nelacar stood and started after her, only for her to wave him off.

Instead of staying out there with Dagur, he turned and walked into his quarters, pulling a wool blanket that acted as a curtain over to cover the entrance. Jorcun licked his lips, leaning down over the counter, whispering back to him. "What in Oblivion is going on Dagur? What could you possibly know that's worth that kind of threat?"

Immediately the man turned away, shielding his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking as he wept. His voice wavered, squeaking as his words came out. "We... we harbored traitors in our town... that's all I know Jorcun. Now they're dead."

Taking the rag he'd normally use to wipe down the counter with, he blew his nose. _Gods! he wanted to tell him so bad! But he couldn't... he just couldn't!_

Clearing his throat, he turned back to them but wouldn't look either of them in the face, taking slow breaths in attempt to quell the tremors in his chest. "Wha- what'll it be? Meals... mead?"

Raising a hand to the smaller man's shoulder, "Aye... meals and a pitcher of warm mead if you can. We'll take a couple of rooms as well."

Feeling the need to give him his privacy, they went out and gathered their gear from the horses. Covering them with blankets, they tied them in the abandoned ruin of a house next to the Inn. At least this way they would have the protection of the remaining wall to keep most of the wind off them.

The whole time they were out there he couldn't stop thinking about the whole situation. _How the Khajiit at his home were related to the ones that were with her, and how that connection had led her to Lakeview manor. How the Justiciar at the College had found out about her and sent the letter. The fact that Stormcloaks who were stationed here knew about her. That meant that Dagur knew... his wife... the Elf. Everything that Ulfric had told him went round and round in his mind._

_The fact that Stormcloaks were stationed here was no reason to threaten someone with permanent silence. But she was._

When they'd first rode into town, he'd wondered _why now?_ What had made the Empire decide to move on Winterhold? Why not Dawnstar or someplace else that was more important, more useful? There was literally no one here!

The College and a few townsfolk that barely made ends meet, and the majority of the money they _did_ take in came from the College or visitors to the College. And even with that, there were only two guards stationed here at any time. Why would they need a squad of that size to take his remnant of a town? 

Unless they were here to try and apprehend her and taking the town at the same time was just a plus. For just a brief moment he was anxious over the fact that he'd left his home, but if he hadn't, he wouldn't have known this was going down. 

It made him glad she was where she was. Safe.

Going back inside, no one was present upstairs. The fire was stoked, bowls of hot stew and plates piled with bread and cheese sat on the small tables in each of their rooms. One warmed pitcher of mead and two tankards for them to share.

Pouring them both some from the pitcher, she brought her food into his room and sat at the table while he sat on the bed. He knew there was a ton going on in her head, but she was too respectful of him to speak her mind on anything but his care, battle... the things that her position entailed.

Downing a tankard, he picked up his spoon and ate, whispering around his bites. She remained quiet and listened.

"I'm gonna tell you something Lydia and because you're beholden to me by say of Balgruuf, I'm going to expect you to keep it silent... between you and me."

She nodded, looking him in the eye, she pushed her empty bowl aside and took her tankard in hand. 

"There's something I just found out and I have to tell you, because pretty soon it's gonna be blown wide open and I need to know you have my back on it. I need to know that your heart's in it."

She opened her mouth to speak her loyalty to him, but before she could utter a sound, he'd raised his hand to quiet her. "You need to hear all of it."

Lydia sat wide eyed, her mouth hanging ajar as he finished saying what he had to say. 

"I was foolish to think that only one letter would be sent over something this important... foolish!"

Setting aside his bowl, he poured them both another. "I need to know... " he looked in her eyes, "I need to know that-"

She broke his eye contact for just a moment, looking up into the ceiling. "You want me to tell you that I'm not going to think you're crazy for believing that Jyrik is still alive after centuries, just waiting in our ancestor's tomb to be freed. I can do that. I've seen some pretty crazy things around this land and I won't deny it."

Closing her eyes for just a moment, she knew this would cause her some grief, but he wanted her to speak her heart and she would do it. "You want me to tell you that I won't hold prejudice over the existence of a new found Snow Elf that managed to be hidden by an entire town since the first Era, who could possibly find a male and reproduce, starting this whole thing all over again, aren't you?"

She lowered her head, now looking him in the eye, "You want me to tell you that I will stand at your back, at your side and defend her, don't you?"

He uncrossed his arms and sat upright, taking in her set expression after what she'd just said and how she'd just said it. "I will stand at your back. I will stand at your side and protect you with my life. I will even protect her's. But I will do it because you order me to. Not because I think she should live."

Standing unexpectedly, she began to clear her dishes heading toward the door. "I didn't tell you to leave Lydia."

Standing in the doorway, she froze. "Come back here and talk with me."

Turning around, she quietly set the dishes down and looked at him as she sat. "I have the utmost respect for you Jorcun, but I can't tell you what's not in my heart. If you think that you will be able to change everyone's mind about this, it won't happen. You'll be fighting all of Skyrim in the end, and you'll be doing it alone."

"No... he won't."

Both of them spun around to see Nelacar pulling the curtain to their room back so he could step through. His red, weary looking eyes scanned over them. He whispered, "Pardon my intrusion, but if I can hear you then I fear that our friends outside may as well."

Jorcun offered him the other chair and he took it. His long golden fingers held a wine bottle and a cup. Filling it, he set the bottle aside and looked at the female Nord, keeping his voice extremely low. "This College... this town, has kept her secret safe since... since going back to the first Era I think. That family of Khajiit... all the way back to their patriarch, has been pledged to her! This has been kept secret even by Ulfric's father! All the guard stationed here knew of her! Everyone in Ulfric's palace knows of her!"

Fresh tears flowed down his face as he tilted his head back to drink. "And now... now it won't be long before all of Tamriel knows of her."

His green eyes met Jorcun's. "All these Imperials here... the Thalmor, this was all done because of her."

Jorcun swallowed. Nelacar just went on. "They all know. That's why we were threatened Jorcun. They don't want it getting out till they've found her."

Lydia's eyes met his, "What'll they do then? When they find her?"

Letting loose of a sigh, he looked down into his wine. "They said it was to keep her safe. They want her protected from the Nords. They're afraid with the war going on that if people find out about her there'd be a lynch party."

Lydia looked at Jorcun, weighing the Elf's words. What he said next stabbed her a little, pissing her off.

"How can you hate someone like that?"

She could feel his green eyes boring into her, but she wouldn't look back at him. "She's the only one left. How do you think that feels? To know that you're doomed to an eternity alone? To never have another that's like you to even speak with? To gain comfort from? To learn about your own people?! Other than biased books, written by the ones that killed them all!"

Red found it's way up into her face! She glared at him, not giving a shit that he wept! "How about your Thalmor, Elf! They hate us! Why don't you guilt them with your damned speech!"

Nelacar filled his cup, "They're not _my_ Thalmor, and they hate everyone. No one is special in their eyes. They even enslave their own kind. Why do you think that Mer are trying to get into this land so badly. But no place is safe now. No place."

He seemed thoughtful for a moment, and a smile finally found his lips. "I am long friends with the two Nords that own this Inn. I am friends with almost all in this town... this place where it all started. I cannot find a reason to hate. I love her. I always will."

He drained his cup and stared into Jorcun's eyes, surprising the giant Nord by leaning in close to whisper in his ear. "They know where she is... "

He felt Jorcun's body lurch at his words. Before the Giant could jump up, he clamped a long-fingered hand down onto his shoulder! Keeping his mouth at Jorcun's ear, he whispered again. 

The warm, sweet smell of wine floated into his face, blowing the small hairs about at his ear and beard. "You have to be still, or they will know one of us told you."

Nelacar shocked him by sliding down from the chair and onto his knees. He knew the Elf was well into his cups and he didn't blame him, what with all this going on. But the Mer kneeling before him was definitely something he didn't think he'd see. He wasn't real comfortable with it. Just like before, when they'd first walked in the Tavern. The feeling of guilt and regret, along with mourning was overwhelming him.

The Elf stared down at the floor, his flaxen hair falling around his face. His hands clasped together so tightly that white shown around his knuckles. Jorcun could tell that he was fighting tremors, struggling not to completely fall apart. Tear drops fell and darkened the wood planking on the floor in front of him.

Fighting to control his voice, it came out in a harsh whisper. "We... we had no choice Jorcun!"

Immediately, he motioned for Lydia to stand outside the curtain and keep watch. The Elf's voice was so low she could barely hear through the thick wool of the curtain. If anyone entered the Inn she would raise one of her feet backwards hitting the curtain to give a warning.

Putting a hand to the devastated Mer's shoulder, "Nelacar, please get up... "

Raising up just enough to look at him, he still couldn't stand so he remained on his knees. He just couldn't believe that they'd betrayed her! And him! And he was helping her!

Finally Jorcun could take it no more and stood, taking the Elf by the shoulders and helping him into the chair opposite the bed. He spoke to him low and reassuringly, "I know what would've happened had you not told them Nelacar, I understand. My problem now is, how do I get back there without letting on that one of you gave it away to me?"

He shook his blonde head. No scenario that he thought of ended well. 

"You can't... you can't. If you were to show up there now, they would know and we would all be killed."

Jorcun drained the last of the pitcher, sitting back on the bed, he crossed his stocking clad feet and held the tankard, watching the Elf. His mind going over the fact that the twins were at his place and wondering what was going to go down when the Thalmor knocked on his door. 

He wondered what Estormo was going to think when he found out that she was with two Companions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about Lydia folks. But the whole 'Skyrim is for the Nords' thing is bullshit, hence this story. I actually stopped using her as a follower the first time I heard her yell that. Now I pretty much stick to Marcurio, Serana, Jenassa or Teldryn Sero. Warning on Jenassa though, she doesn't like it when you break the law, so if you're playing a theif or assassin, you may want to pick someone else. Teldryn doesn't care and neither does Serana. I don't know about Marcurio, cause if I'm doin real dangerous shit I have him at our house, cause he's usually my mate. (Now, with the Interesting NPC mod on Nexus, I've found Rumarin. For anyone that's hooked on the Altmer the way I am, he's cute as hell and a very strong follower. He's a marriage candidate that comes with his own set of pretty interesting quests. So I thank the one that made the mod every time I play. ^-^)


End file.
